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To the lovelorn, and the lost, and the suffering, and the lonely during this holiday season,

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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:09 PM
Original message
To the lovelorn, and the lost, and the suffering, and the lonely during this holiday season,
Edited on Wed Dec-24-08 02:27 PM by Redstone
(Reposted for any of our new DUers who may benefit from it)

listen to me now:

Although you may feel that you have nothing, trust me that we all of us, including you, do have something if we only look to find it; and keep that thought in your heart to cheer you through these days and the days to come.

Whatever your situation, you still can have faith. Faith not perhaps in the religious sense, but rather in the confidence that the characteristics of the good that you possess, whether it be empathy for others, a commitment to better the world, or just the fact that you've made another person's life a little bit better by being there; this faith can sustain you.

And yet more important, you can find hope, and hope will never abandon you if you allow it to live in your heart. Hope will sustain you through the dark days and years, and will reward you in the end for keeping it quietly within you. Have hope, and you will persevere. Have hope, and your perseverance will be its own reward. No matter the final outcome, you will be the better for having persevered; the struggle is engendered with its own nobility and worth.

Charity, much like faith and hope, rewards and honors both the giver and the recipient. If you feel that your life is not as it should be, do please sacrifice just one day to volunteer in a soup kitchen. The gratitude expressed by those who are genuinely less fortunate than you, unless you are of granite heart, will provide an invaluable lesson in perspective.

And if you are so unfortunate that you find yourself in the necessity of being a client at a soup kitchen, note the generosity of the volunteers who do not go to work there for any profit to themselves, but rather out of a genuine desire to make some small part of your life better, for only one simple reason: Because they care. Make a vow then, if you will, that when your station in life rises above its current level, that you will pass their generosity along to others who may then be where you were today, there in that soup kitchen.

Faith and hope are nutrition for the soul, and charity is its own reward.

If you wonder why I write this tonight, it's this: Whoever you are, I have been you.

I have known poverty. I remember the taste of Government Surplus food. I have known the shame of walking to school in the morning, knowing that my patched and mended clothes would be noticed and remarked upon. I have known adult poverty as well, hoping that the fifty dollars I squirreled away for my son's Christmas presents would be enough that he'd be happy on Christmas morning.

I have worked the crappy, dead-end jobs: Driven the taxi, endured the 100-degree temperature while nailing shingles to the roof, sweated in the cardboard-box factory for small wages and less respect.

I have known pain and sickness, being at the very brink of death at the ages of fourteen, nineteen, and again at twenty-four; each time with the calm acceptance of the inevitable followed by the amazement of survival. And the shadows of those events stalk me even now, so long after. To this day, my first awareness each morning upon awakening, and my last awareness each night upon falling asleep, is of pain. And that will never change. Ever.

I have known heartache, losing loved ones far too early, surviving an inadvisable marriage to a woman afflicted with mental illnesses which she would not even acknowledge, much less seek treatment for, and bore the brunt every day of her rage and incapacity for rational thought. I took the beatings for over four years, for the sake of my son, and went through a hideous divorce that depleted every financial resource I had built, including every cent of my retirement account, to ensure that my son would not have to suffer his mother's madness further as he grew up.

I tell you this not to ask for sympathy, because I deserve none. I have a wonderful life now, and nothing to complain about. I am, truly, one of the fortunate ones, and not a single day passes that I do not remind myself of that. Rather, I tell you these true stories so you may understand that it is the truth when I say, I have been you.

I have been where you are, there on the brink of despair.

But I had faith.

I never lost hope.

And on those Thanksgiving and Christmas days when I was alone and missing my son and the rest of my family, I worked at the soup kitchen, and returned home more content than I would have been if I had spent the day in self-pity. Charity healed me, in the giving of it.

So listen to me, please, because I've been where you are: Have faith. Do not give up hope.

If depression wraps you in its malignant cloak, yell for help and do it now. Depression is not anything to be ashamed of; if your knee hurt, you'd go to the knee doctor, wouldn't you? So if your mind is in pain, visit someone who knows about helping people's minds feel better. Please.

And, in the end, no matter how lonely you may feel, remember this: Because you are a DUer, you are never alone.

You're one of us.

Your participation makes you a part of this wonderful community, and somebody will be here for you whenever you need someone to be. Trust me on this. I have not the slightest doubt that, were I in need, even the DUers with whom I have had the most bitter disagreements would rush to my aid.

I believe this. I do. Because I've seen it happen here.

If even one of you finds even a small comfort from this post, I will consider the words to have been well worth writing.

Do not lose faith. Have hope. Give charity if you can, or accept it if you need.

And above all, be at peace. With yourself most of all, and with the world as well, as much as you can.

That's my holiday wish for all.


Redstone
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:19 PM
Response to Original message
1. My dear Redstone!
I am so happy to see you posting this today...

It has become part of DU that I really look forward to!

A Holiday tradition, if you will...

I'm wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, and the best possible New Year...

Blessings on you for this wonderful post!

K&R

:hug:

:patriot:
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:24 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Thanks, Peg. We got your card, and it was really nice. I'll tell you this again,
and once again not just because I like you: you've become a damn good photographer.

All the best to you and your family for the holidays.

Redstone
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:29 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. Aw, thank you, my dear Redstone!
I'm honored by your praise, I truly am...

All my best to you and your family too...

:hug:
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Dinger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:23 PM
Response to Original message
2. Wow, K & R Redstone
:)
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The Straight Story Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 02:25 PM
Response to Original message
4. Thanks friend, I needed that
Always good to see you here as well.
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Hekate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 06:02 AM
Response to Reply #4
39. TSS
:hug:

Hekate



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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
6. not to be contrary, although I often am
I found more contentment in giving up. I can remember it as an epiphany. There I was sweeping the gym floor, raging about being 42 and not having a real job, certainly not having a good job. Not having children, not having a spouse, not having a girlfriend, and only getting older all the time and running out of time to make anything positive happen in my life. Then suddenly I realized it was time to admit reality, face the bitter truth - it was simply not gonna happen, and there was nothing I could do to make it happen. I had tried my best, and I had failed. Time to stop banging my head against doors that were not gonna open.

That realization, that abandonment of hope, was like a huge burden being lifted off my back. Because it was hoping and striving that was creating much of my frustration. I would apply for jobs and hope (nay, expect) that I would get them, just like Charlie Brown thinking he's gonna kick that ball to kingdom come. Every time the Lucy of life would pull the ball away and I would go flying and slam painfully to the ground.

Sometimes I think it is better to not have too much hope, or unrealistic expectations. Having struck out 158 straight times without so much as a foul tip, it's setting yourself up for major disappointment to hope for a home run.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:26 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. I have to admit that there's something to be said in favor of
your attitude (no sarcasm here at all); I've heard before of people who just said "screw it" at some point in their life and it worked for them. The concept does indeed sound kind of liberating, yes?

I'm curious, so if you don't mind me asking, or mind telling, how did that decision work out for you? I'd imagine that getting into a mode of just dealing with thing as they come along would reduce your stress level, if nothing else.

Redstone
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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 05:52 PM
Response to Reply #7
19. I think having a dog has perhaps helped the most
I also have other activities, like being part of the local Democratic party. I sorta retired to part-time work before I turned 45, and that seems like a sort of victory, although I still had flashes of anger when I applied for a finance job, a dogcatcher job and a librarian job with no luck. It's hard to remember the lesson sometimes and sometimes you think you have a chance at a job since you have a master's degree in economics and a BA in math and owned a bookstore for seven years.

I also think about the positives of not having a spouse - doing what I want in my own time. Imagine if I was married. My spouse would come by and say "what are you doing?" I'd say, "I am gonna putz around on the internets for a few hours." and she'd say "No. I need you to do this and that." Plus, if I had a family it is quite likely I would need a full time job, and I have always subscribed to Thoreau "I am quite convinced that if I were required to sell both my forenoons and afternoons to society, as most men do, that life for me would no longer be worth living." Especially true, like Hawthorne said of Brook Farm, if your job is essentially shovelling sh*t. I do have a semi-decent job in the big picture too, although I also have an abusive psychotic boss. Obla di, obla da, life goes on.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 06:28 PM
Response to Reply #19
21. Life goes on indeed, and everybody has the right to live their life the way
it works best for them. I lived by myself (not even a roommate) for a LONG time, and was perfectly happy doing so. Now that I have kids, I wouldn't want to go back to the solitary life, but I do understand how it can work out well for some people.

But, yeah, you gotta have a pooch. Good move on your part.

Redstone
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hfojvt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 07:05 PM
Response to Reply #21
24. well, it isn't the way I chose
I tried for many jobs I didn't get and tried to start relationships that didn't pan out. It's sort of when life gives you a peanut butter sandwich, make the best of it and don't spoil what happiness is available by striving and hoping for pie that you are never gonna get. At least it seemed like a reasonable solution after a decade of effort and frustration at the striving.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. Hey, choice or not, you've found your road - and, more important, it seems like
you've lowered your stress quotient to a very comfortable level; something not to be scoffed at.

Snug up with your pooch and enjoy your holidays.

Redstone
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roody Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 03:52 AM
Response to Reply #6
36. I love not having children.
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roguevalley Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:26 PM
Response to Original message
8. Redstone, you are totally right. If you can be strong in your heart
and mind, if you can hope, you will find your way. I lost two parents ten months apart and found ashes everywhere until I realized that the way ahead could be good or bad. It was up to me. You are right in every point and I hug you so much. Happy Holidays, Redstone, and thank you for the wisdom.
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rvablue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:33 PM
Response to Original message
9. Kick. Beautiful post with a nice message. Thanks! n/t
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:35 PM
Response to Original message
10. k&r with thanks.
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IndyOp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:52 PM
Response to Original message
11. To have one person on my side who has truly been in the trenches -
That is worth the whole world.

And I do, do, do, do, do believe in what you are saying here. When I start to feel sad or scared I find a way to give to others and again and again and again it lifts me up.

:hug:
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bobbolink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
12. I thank you for remembering those of us who are alone and in desperate straights!
That means a lot.. we are ignored and bypassed.

However... it really hurts to be told that I have't "looked for it", especially by people who don't know me.

It also hurts, as a homeless person, to be told to "volunteer at a soup kitchen". And I will also say, as a woman... We women give and give and give... it's what we are taught to do. Yet, it never seems to be enough, and rather than be acknowledgeed, in our pain we are told to give even more.

I think this needs some thought, because there is PAIN in this.

Sometimes we all need to

RECEIVE

.

"To everything there is a season...."
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #12
16. Nthing wrong with needing to receive. I did say that. And I do hope things get
better for you.

Redstone
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TomInTib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:31 PM
Response to Original message
13. Beautiful, Redstone. For the first time in my life, I am alone for Christmas.
But it could be worse.

At least I have this big old house to wander around in.

I have warmth and plenty of food and no shortage of various libations.

And I have friends all over the world.

Merry Christmas, Friend.

Tom
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:49 PM
Response to Reply #13
18. Be well. Lift a glass in my direction, if you would. I'll do so toward the west.
Redstone
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Hekate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 06:03 AM
Response to Reply #13
40. Hey Tom
:hug:

Hekate


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stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:39 PM
Response to Original message
14. Happy Holidays, my friend.
Peace be with you.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #14
17. And with you and yours as well.
Redstone
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JerseygirlCT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 04:41 PM
Response to Original message
15. Thank you. nt
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stillcool Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 06:03 PM
Response to Original message
20. It's just starting..or maybe just..
coming to the surface. All the ghosts of Christmas past are coming to visit. I haven't 'celebrated' Christmas in a long, long time. I try to forget it. Every year I think, not this year. And there I am and there they are. I know it is me that welcomes them in, for a little more thrashing of the soul. I believe we are all alone. I think we are born alone, we die alone, and for the most part, our lives are lived alone inside our own heads.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 06:32 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. As I said, I've been where you are, especially regarding having lived for far too long
inside my own head, and continuing to do so (unnecessarily) far too much more than is healthy.

I understand.

Be at peace if you can.

Redstone
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Blue_Tires Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 06:29 PM
Response to Original message
22. ttt
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tbyg52 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 09:18 PM
Response to Original message
26. Wow! Bookmarked for when I need it.
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 09:48 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. Oh, yeah, I remember when National Lampoon did a parody of that, titled "Deteriorata."
Being in my mid-fifties, I remember when that piece of hackish dreck was annoyingly dispalyed in EVERYONE'S house.

Redstone
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Tangerine LaBamba Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 01:09 AM
Response to Reply #27
33. I got a copy of it
in the mail from my mother. It was, as you said, everywhere, and it was just so fucking annoying.

Anyway, leave it to my good old Mom to nail the damn thing. She attached at note to the Desiderata, saying that my Dad had wanted me to have it.

"Your Dad says this is how everyone should be, but most people aren't."

:::: sigh :::::

Listen, Redstone, now that the kids have gone to college and the dog is dead, your essay is beautiful and inspiring. A wonderful and timeless reminder of the essentials and a clarion call to the inherent strength we all have.

On this date last year, I was in a hospital bed, painfully recovering from some major orthopedic surgery, not sure I'd ever walk again. It was as agonizing an experience as I'd ever had, and yet, within it was the strange acceptance of what might be my fate. Granted, the drugs were powerful and rather enjoyable, but I had come to grips, somehow, with the idea that a wheelchair would be the best I could do.

Today, I can walk. I don't know how physical therapists do it, but it started with someone moving my leg side-to-side as I lay there, and then cheering "Good job!" while I cried, knowing I hadn't moved it - she had.

Eventually, I moved it. And today, I can walk. Every time I stand up, I am amazed, and every step I take is a gift. I don't think it will ever be different for me, and what comes with that is the natural flow of living in the moment. A constant awareness that I'd never had before.

When that poster wrote about not getting jobs, not having a spouse, kids, the whole "normal" thing, he wasn't talking about abandoning hope; he was talking about surrender. He was talking about acceptance. He is, although he might not agree with me on this, a holy man. He has done much to eliminate his expectations, and he has grown to where he is able to let the universe swirl and take him with it.

I know that feeling, because I've had a small taste of it myself.

We all find - if we are fortunate - our peace. I found mine through a hideous twist of fate. Others find it in what might be perceived as failure. Some find it in ways I can't imagine.

There is an old Portuguese saying I learned from my Jesuit teachers: "God writes straight on a crooked line."

We won in November, and that was big. But the things that matter, that sustain us, are small: we're still here, and tomorrow will probably be interesting, another opportunity to taste something delicious, tell someone a story, laugh by ourselves, discover a new word, sleep and be restored, give someone a hand, see something astonishing, remember a hurt, and, yes, gloat.

Merry Christmas, Redstone et al.


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Hekate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 06:04 AM
Response to Reply #33
41. Some fine wisdom there
:hug:

Hekate


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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 03:21 PM
Response to Reply #33
47. Good God. That was a truly magnificent post. Thank you.
Redstone
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tbyg52 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #27
48. Yeah, that's what the second link was *supposed* to be....
Obviously *that* didn't work out....!

http://www.mendosa.com/fluke.html
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bobbolink Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Dec-26-08 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #27
51. You took the very words out of my mouth.
I believe in kindness and peace as much as anyone, but I ALSO believe in JUSTICE... and that piece of "drek" as you so well named it, was a slap in the face to ANYONE who faced injustice.
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Raksha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-24-08 10:01 PM
Response to Original message
28. Thank you, Redstone. I remember when you posted this last year.
If anything, I needed to read it even more this year.
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auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:39 AM
Response to Original message
29. thank you n/t
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KaryninMiami Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:42 AM
Response to Original message
30. Thank you. I needed that- it made my night. Happy holiday everyone. nt
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BrklynLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:54 AM
Response to Original message
31. Thank you hardly covers what I want to say..but it is the best I can do..
Edited on Thu Dec-25-08 12:58 AM by BrklynLiberal
:grouphug: :pals: :hug: :thumbsup: :hi:
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southerncrone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 01:03 AM
Response to Original message
32. Beautiful. Thanks.
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Odin2005 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 01:12 AM
Response to Original message
34. One must always keep hope alive.
Like in the Greek mythological story of Pandora's Box, all the evils of the world were let out, but hope remained.
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Mnemosyne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 01:21 AM
Response to Original message
35. Redstone,
:hug::cry::hug:
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RFKHumphreyObama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 04:16 AM
Response to Original message
37. Ah yes...I remembered this frrom last year and the year before
Edited on Thu Dec-25-08 04:17 AM by socialdemocrat1981
And I was desperately hoping you would post this again -the pure eloquence and beauty of your writing style and your message never ceases to inspire and give cause for hope

May you and your family have a blessed, safe and wonderful Christmas
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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 11:17 PM
Response to Reply #37
49. We did have the kind of Christmas you wished for us, and I thank you for wishing
Edited on Thu Dec-25-08 11:25 PM by Redstone
it for us.

And thank you also for your kind words. That kind of reaction to my "yearly holiday post" means very, very much to me.

Redstone
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Hekate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 05:51 AM
Response to Original message
38. That is so very beautiful
:hug:

Hekate


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Shardik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 06:23 AM
Response to Original message
42. Beautifully said, Redstone.
Great sentiments and truth in your post. :toast:
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mnhtnbb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 08:47 AM
Response to Original message
43. What a wonderful post, Redstone. Thank you.
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bear425 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:07 PM
Response to Original message
44. I really needed to read this. Thank you so much.
Merry Christmas to you and yours and Happy New Year, too.

:hug:
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MadrasT Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:35 PM
Response to Original message
45. Thank you, Redstone
These are some of the wisest words every posted on DU. And there are a LOT of wise words here.

:hug: and Happy Winter Holidays
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 12:40 PM
Response to Original message
46. Peace and joy, Redstone
to you and everyone you love.

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Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-25-08 11:28 PM
Response to Reply #46
50. And to you and everyone you love as well. This is the season of peace, yes?
Redstone
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