Your most profound, life-changing moment (for good or bad)?

[Jackeens]

I'm sure most of you will have had several life-changing moments, but I'm just genuinely interested to know what happenings in your lives did you feel had the most impact on you, in a negative or positive way, and, maybe, changed your outlook on life? Or even actually changed you as a person?

I'm guessing that for most it will be the death of a loved one? It was for me, the death of my father, I thought he was indestructible, but when his breathing stopped and the nurse said he was 'gone' everything fell apart. I'm sure most of you have been there.

Do any of your most treasured moments outweigh the worst of days? I don't mean to make it sound like a crass competition, but can intense happiness ever eclipse the most searing of pain, or is grief and loss the most overwhelming emotion we feel?

[Uzybone]

1. same as yours

had a very positive impact as a whole, but it has been the worst day of my life so far.

[Wickerman]

2. same as you

but it was my mother. I was young, I knew she was sick, but in my world of magic I never thought in my wildest dreams she would die.

Grief seems to last longer than intense happiness, in my opinion. I'd like to think we learn more from it, too. Not sure yet if that is a positive learning experience, all told.

[NeedleCast]

3. Afghanistan

[xchrom]

4. hmmmm -- as the years go by --

i find there is more than one.

[BlooInBloo]

5. Encountering a teacher I had to work to impress, back in college...

Best thing to ever happen to me.

[Fovea]

6. One day, one stroke, two heartattacks.

It profoundly changed my life for the worse.

[Tace]

7. I Had A Dream...

...and in the dream there were Nazi doctors. It took me 10 years to realize that they are my parents. Strange dream. Tough truth.

[sweettater]

8. the death of my older

brother. Vietnam 1968. Devastated my family esp. my mother. She was never the same which affected the whole family. I often wonder if he had lived how things might have been. :cry:

[Booster]

9. By far, the death of my brother. He was my "big" brother, being

18 months older than I. We went to 16 schools before we even got to high school so my earliest memories are of going to yet another new school and at recess searching for my one and only friend in the whole world. He was the best brother a girl could have, and he turned into the nicest man I have ever met. He died in 1991 at the age of 50, and I have had a hole in my heart ever since. His death has made it hard to go on; to care about anything anymore; to fear being that hurt again, although I don't think that's possible. When I donate to a charity I do it in his name, in his memory, because he was all about helping people. Sorry. Didn't mean to get so maudlin.

[OneGrassRoot]

10. I might as well continue to share what I've shared elsewhere today....

as the positive aspect of the story is appropriate here. :)

I discuss the loss of my first child in this other thread. Joshua was stillborn in 1991.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=5769935&mesg_id=5770018

The day of his "birth" and the days preceding it continue to be the most devastating of my life. When one normally hears the nurse or caregiver say, "Time of birth ___," I heard, "Time of death: 2:12."

HOWEVER, the overall pregnancy experience was one of the most profoundly joyful events of my life.

I never planned to have children. I don't even consider myself very maternal. The pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, but one which I embraced.

Bottom line: The devastating loss (and corresponding realization that so much is out of our control) was balanced with experiencing unconditional love for the first time.

That experience introduced me to a love so expansive...it's hard to describe. Anger never entered into my grieving process.

It completely changed my life...how I see myself, how I see others...primarily for the better (though not completely).

[Contrary1]

11. A diagnosis of cancer...

Everything changed at that moment.

[Stellabella]

33. Me too. And it wasn't me, it was my husband at age 25.

Everything changed. And it changed the course of my whole life, even 25 years later.

[nadinbrzezinski]

12. Not the death of a relative... actually

but two events... as a Paramedic

The first was the day we rolled onto a scene where the cops were holding a mid-age man, and one of the cops pointed to a small form covered by a sheet. Well, I took my monitor\ defibrillator and went over to the form, whose half was under the wheels of an eighteen wheeler. THis five year old had her skull crushed... and the man the cops were holding was driving that truck. She was his daughter... and it was one of the most horrific accidents ever. I see her face every so often in my nightmares. Those angelic, if lifeless blue eyes, and blond locks of hair... and ashen skin...

WHY

THe other was the time we picked up this eleven year old from a BLS rig. The kid was stabbed so many times he was dying in the back of my rig. We pumped IV fluids as fast as I fear his young heart bled them out. The perpetrator was his older brother.

Yep, that was the day whatever shred of my religion was gone.

Of course, been told that things like that either strengthen one's religion, how I have no clue... or shatter it.

Yeah I like the ritual that at times goes with religion, but I don't believe... yep, that's me in the corner.

[aikoaiko]

13. No one of any real importance in my life has died.

I dread the day. I've been lucky for 40 years,

For me, the most life changing moment was when my first and only child was born.

[knowbody0]

14. the deaths of my comrades in Vietnam

[TheCowsCameHome]

15. Two -The birth of my first child, and last week finding out my wife has cancer

Two very different changes, to be sure...........

[Lars39]

20. Best wishes for you and your wife, TheCowsCameHome.

:hug:

[TheCowsCameHome]

22. Thank you. We really appreciate your kind thoughts.

45 years together, we'll get through this.

[OneGrassRoot]

24. ...

:grouphug:

[ncrainbowgrrl]

16. I almost drowned. And I'm a lifeguard

Got caught in the Hawaiian surf and was going to be slammed into lava rock and shredded alive if we didn't go against all of the warnings not to swim against a rip tide. My snorkel got water in it- I ripped it off and tossed the whole mask apparatus around my neck- I needed to see. I was with a friend's father at the time- both of us in great shape. We took turns holding onto the other one to catch a breath and realized that it was now or never-took as big a breath as possible and dove down under the waves and powered myself out. When I got to the shore, I didn't see him at first, and I started screaming hysterically. He surfaced a little bit later, but for me, it was like an hour, and I was hysterical, having nearly drowned myself, and then watched someone else=I thought- not make it.

We both collapsed and didn't say anything for a good 5 minutes when we reached the sand.


The most challenging moment was getting back into the ocean and going snorkeling again on Kauai only a couple of days later.

[Captain Hilts]

17. Moving to Moscow, all by myself and realizing I was truly on my own.

[AllentownJake]

18. 3 that happened in a 4 month period

My fiance leaving me, my employer undergoing an investigation by the OIG, and my father dying of Pancreatic Cancer, was given 6 weeks to live and he was always on time for every appointment.

Happened in that order. Life hasn't felt the same since it happened. I'm more cynical and have less faith. I've never felt comfortable since, I have a distinct awareness that my life can be totally shattered by something totally out of my control at any moment.

I think I could have handled on of these a year, but since every time I started to feel a little better something else came and beat me down further.

This happened 3 years ago.

[Sisaruus]

19. Changing my life forever.

The birth of my first-born in 1971. I was only 18 years old. It certainly altered my life's trajectory; every major and minor decision I made had to take into account another person (make that plural when his brother was born 5 years later) who depended on me. Both of them managed to grow up to be very smart, compassionate, responsible, funny, darn good-lookin' Democrats, in spite of my inferior mothering.

[distantearlywarning]

21. An abusive relationship and its aftermath

Changed me irrevocably as a person, some for the good, but mostly for the bad.

[shanti]

73. yes

i had one of those too. i was so trusting before him, but something died after the abuse.

[MadMaddie]

23. The Death of my beloved Grandmother

When my dad was stationed in England in the 70's I would fly all the way to Wichita, Kansas by myself (I was 5-7) at the time. She died two years ago on her 83rd birth day.

Coming out to may parents....that was a burden I could no longer live with....lying to them. Of course it has taken them 16 years with the same partner for them to realize that this is no phase.

[bigwillq]

25. "Coming out"

I am still not "out" to everyone, like work people, but to some family as well, but when I did come out, that's when my life really began. Best thing I ever did. It was very, very difficult, with some painful moments for awhile, but it was the best thing I ever did.

[emilyg]

26. The birth of my daughter and

cancer.

[Forkboy]

27. A moment of violence where I almost killed someone.

Even though he deserved it, and then some, I pulled back at the last moment, because somewhere inside of me I knew this was a line that couldn't be "uncrossed". This event changed me drastically, almost as if were an epiphany.

And it's one reason why I'm fervently anti-death penalty. As someone who almost assigned myself judge, jury and executioner, taking a life is a line I don't want to cross, even if the person in question does deserve it. It's no longer about the victims or the guilty party anymore. It's about me, and about who I want to be as a person. If I accept one death in the name of revenge, then I might as well accept them all, and the deaths will just get easier and easier to accept.

The lifestyle I was leading, which was fairly violent and most definitely life endangering, ended within a week. That was almost 20 years ago now, and I've done my best since then to never be that person I almost became.

[hunter]

37. I threw a brick at someone's head once, a long time ago.

His crime? He was breaking into my piece of shit car which was stuffed with worthless notes, papers, magazines and computer printouts, baskets of very dirty laundry, well ripened fast food trash, stinky dirty aluminum cans taken from Venice Beach trash cans, and a few drywall tools.

Thank God I missed him, but only by inches.

I became a hard core pacifist right then and there because I had to.

These days if I caught some pathetic soul breaking into one of my piece of shit cars I'd probably walk up, laugh, and ask if they needed any help.

[ohheckyeah]

28. I got a divorce that was very unpopular with my

religious family, which was a low point for me. But I remarried and found a man who taught me what it was to laugh and not worry about what my family thought. I've found a new lease on life and a happiness I never thought I would plus my family found they couldn't bully me so they decided to accept me and they love my husband. The low point makes me appreciate what I have now every day.

[Greyhound]

29. Here are two.

My death, drowning in a river in the Rocky Mountains in spring.

An absolutely perfect day, lying in the grass reading a great book in Cheesman Park.

There are others, but those two events occurred at pivotal points in my life and changed me so profoundly that I was aware that I would never be the same.

Honestly, the day in the park comes back much more frequently than the river.

[uppityperson]

44. I am glad you

survived your death. The day in the park sounds wonderful

[Greyhound]

46. Thank you very much, knowing you are dying and then not being dead really

puts things in perspective.

Great experience, I wouldn't recommend it.
:hi:

[elleng]

50. Reprieve

http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/reprieve/

[NJCher]

30. learning about the nature of existence

My cat died of a heart attack and three weeks later, I took a picture and she appeared in the photo. When I realized what I was seeing (tipped off to it by fellow DU-er Cleita), I realized that consciousness survives the body.

When I saw the photo, time stood still and I felt like I was falling and that the fall would never end. It literally took me days to come to grips with what was in the photo. I was dizzy, I was stunned, I was completely overwhelmed.

My mind tried to repress it and pretend it didn't happen. It is one thing to hold an intellectual belief that consciousness survives the physical being but it is quite another to be confronted with it in a photo. It took me well over six months to stop denying the truth of what was in that photograph.

Furthermore, upon closer examination, I saw my other cat who had died years before in the photo, too. So now I knew my two beloved animals had found a way to come through to me.

Since that time I have had a dear friend cross over due to pancreatic cancer. I again had a photographic image come through.

It makes me crazy that we can spend billions for wars and killing people and we can't spend money to research the nature of existence. In fact in this sick society it is even verboten to mention it. But I will talk about it and nothing anyone can say will change what I hold as physical evidence that consciousness continues.

There are many posts on this thread that attest to the impact that the crossing over of a loved one has on a life. The heartbreak, the grief. And all because we are living in a society that cares not to inquire about the nature of our existence.


Cher

[Greyhound]

31. I really envy you. I would so love to have something like that happen.

I always thought that my mother of all people, would somehow confirm it as we talked often about such things throughout her life, but so far, nothing.

I've just been satisfied (if that's the word) with the knowledge that someday I will find out for sure. Still, it would be nice to know.

[anneboleyn]

43. Thanks for your post. I envy your experience. I have never had something like this happen to me.

And your points about how our society avoids the serious issues -- like the fact that we all die -- is spot on.

[elleng]

48. Thank you.

This strengthens my feeling, after the recent death of my mother (my adopted mother; my birth mother died when I was about 8) that I need not mourn or feel guilt that I do not mourn.

I think of her often, in the way I always did, thinking of a recipe, a joke, a poem, wondering what she would think about something, knowing what she would say about something.

[Obamanaut]

69. I truly believe this now, but three years ago I would have scoffed.

Last year I posted about my dog in the pet's group. It is strange stlll, but I think these things really do happen. Wouldn't it be nice to understand them. If you take the time to read about my dog Rusty, the Ms ret88 mentioned is my wife, my username was formerly usnret88. I changed this year during the amnesty. Regards. And thanks for your story.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=243x36496

edited to add my post 63 tells when I changed. Rusty came just a bit later

[Control-Z]

77. I would give anything to have

evidence of more than just this world. I haven't found it to be a very friendly or comfortable place.

[sammythecat]

87. Can you post the photos?

Were the "ghost" images plain to see, or might different people interpret them differently?

I'll say up front that I've become a skeptic of the idea of life after death. The idea of life after death certainly hasn't lost it's appeal, but I'm afraid the lack of evidence has made me conclude that it doesn't happen. The "nature of our existence" is a thought that distracts me daily, so my request to see what you saw is not a challenge to your veracity or thinking on this matter. It's just a result of honest curiosity and, if I saw the photos, I'd be happy to keep my own conclusions to myself. My aim is not to debunk, only to see. :)

[InvisibleTouch]

32. I can think of two, in very different senses.

One was moving from one country to another during a critical point during my growing-up. I'd been around the whole world by then already, but this move was different, this one came at a time when I was starting to expand my world and feel independent. It took me away from everything that was familiar and forced me to start all over again. To this day I'm not sure if it was for good or ill, but I do know it changed the entire course my life would have taken.

The other I almost hesitate to add, but hell, I'm anonymous here.... I witnessed the murder of my lover and soul-mate, which changed my entire conception of how life and relationships should be. And after all these years I've come to feel that it changed me for the better, made me stronger and gave me a perspective on things that others don't have. When you've been to hell and back, you don't care what anyone else thinks of you. You will go your own way and forever be true to yourself, without fear and without apology.

[SmileyRose]

34. My brother died of a heart attack at 34 - I quit taking anyone's shit that day.

I realized even if I live to 100, life is way to short to put up with selfish abusive shit from anyone. The people in my life accept me for what I am, encourage the best in me and the feelings are mutual.

[Odin2005]

35. Learning that a close friend who is physically disabled had been raped.

Before that I was one of the DUers that mocked the "Feminazis" and "Man-Haters", not anymore.

My stepdad just died on Friday after a long illness so I understand what you must of went through with your dad. :hug:

[rustydog]

36. Unsuccessful CPR on infants really hit home

[Hekate]

38. Those moments accumulate as you age, but here's one that made me understand the laughter of Sarah...

Around 1992 I went to a 3-day women's retreat at Esalen, a workshop on feminist spirituality with Margo Adler. My heart was very heavy over family troubles, which I thought it was my job to fix. I kept trying and failing, always being the one in the middle... No need for details, but it was true multi-generational dysfunction.

At Esalen we chanted and drummed and danced and created group rituals. Trust me, if you like that sort of thing it was great. On the third afternoon we had a guided meditation in which each individual was to ask a question of the Goddess.

Now, I'd had guided meditations before, and the most I'd ever gotten out of them was a peaceful relaxed feeling. This time was different, no doubt due to the long preparatory period of chanting and drumming. I got there. Suddenly I saw Her face manifesting as one of my statues; just as suddenly I blurted out not one but three questions that had been tormenting me for years.

"Will I be strong? Grant me strength."
*But You Are Already Strong*
Well, no surprises there, after all these years of reading self-help articles. But there was more.

"Grant me peace."
*Is That What You Really Want?*
:wtf: What kind of answer is that?! It was a direct challenge to me to define what "peace" means to me, instead of some soothing bromide. And I took it as a warning to be careful what I wish for.

"Will there be healing in my family?"
*Yes, But You Have To Be Willing To Let The Others Do Their Work.*
Again with the :wtf: ... again instead of a soothing bromide, a suggestion that I back off and let others take responsibility for themselves, as work necessary to the outcome.

Sarah laughed with sheer astonishment when God told Abraham that she would conceive Isaac, she being an old woman.

It's a very long drive home from Esalen; I laughed all the way at my own life-changing revelation.

Not to say it's been an easy life since then -- but that encounter with the Goddess changed my perspective forever.

Hekate

[donheld]

39. Admiting to myself and others I was/am Gay

[PufPuf23]

40. I have had several events in life that were cruel

and undeserved to me; in all cases a misinterpretation of my personal position and strength by intimate situational predators. My intuition and intelligence magnified the events so I have not found a manner to escape nor mentally block the damage to my emotions and mental state in general and the sadness of the death of relationships where those close and loved unconditionally by me rejected me for selfish reasons and my perceived weakness (that was kindness) and had to see my strength. This is a burden on my life.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

41. My mother's passing and 9/11

I'm going to sound like a broken record here because I've said this so many times here on DU on the various threads we have on mothers (including a very moving thread that was posted just a short while ago) but the passing of my mother did have a profound impact on my life which I may never fully recover from. For some reason, I always had a premonition that I would lose her at too young an age but I don't think anything can ever prepare you for the loss of a parent until you have experienced it first hand.

My mother died at 61 from a cancer-like disease that she defied the statistical odds to get. Before her death, she was always very much a get-up and go person to the extent that it became laughable because she couldn't even sit on a chair for a short period of time without feeling uncomfortable because she wasn't doing anything. She was vivacious, the life of every party and a friend and confidant to many (for some reason she seemed to be the agony aunt of so many of our friends, even if she didn't want that role). She and I had our tensions and arguments but deep down I never doubted the full extent of her love for me and I hope vice versa

Just not having her around every day is a profoundly sad experience. My niece was born this year and it is agonizing watching her and knowing that she missed out on having the best grandmother she could ever have hoped to have -one of my mother's dying wishes was to see her grandchildren and that sadly was unfulfilled. But my life has crumbled even further than I ever could have imagined without her and she is often the first thing I think about in the morning and one of the last things I think about at night (I try to shut off thoughts of her when I go to sleep because it becomes too painful and it prevents me from going to sleep). I know that she won't be there to see me succeed in life or at important milestones in my life and that hurts

9/11 and the subsequent aftermath actually shattered me beyond what I could convey in words. You've got to remember that I grew up in a generation where some of my earliest political memories were off the Berlin Wall collapsing and Mandela walking free from prison, followed closely by the collapse of the Soviet Union and the peace and prosperity of the Clinton years. I grew up in a world of hope, idealism and optimism. I guess I had a naive view about humanity and the world, that we were in a new age of enlightenment and things could only get better. But honestly, that was all I'd ever known. But then on 9/11 -even though I was in another country and was not affected personally -just shattered my faith in humanity. The very idea that people could be so cowardly and so callous as to just cold-bloodedly and callously extinguish the lives of mothers, fathers, uncles, aunties, nephews, nieces, friends and the like was just so inconceivable and foreign to me and it deeply shattered my faith in this world and humanity to an extent that it has never recovered and probably never will recover. The subsequent responses to it from governments around the world, who responded to cruelty and evil with ignorance and incompetence also profoundly depressed me. It quite literally changed the course of my life because the grief and sadness I felt from it made me to make quite a few lifestyle changes that I now profoundly regret. I no longer have the zeal and enthusiasm for living each day that I once had and, once while I used to love watching the news and debating current affairs, it's now become a chore that I have to force myself to do. Obama has helped in that regard

Those two events have defined the decade and probably the rest of my life. I'm not sure that I'll ever feel the intense level of happiness and optimism that I felt before this decade and my life is sadder for having it absent. In a brief response to the last part of your question, cherished and treasured memories do help but they also remind me of what I've lost so I'm not sure whether you can accurately say that they outweigh the bad times

[anneboleyn]

42. Being diagnosed with an incredibly rare cancer as a young professional

This changed my life utterly and I had to give up everything I had dreamed of and hoped for as a young graduate student. Devastating, painful -- soul-crushing.

I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life (father abandoning the family when I was young, losing my grandmother who took care of me) but hearing the word "cancer" as the doctor looks over your chart, frantically flipping pages, is an experience that shakes one's world to its very roots.

[Justitia]

45. Giving birth alone, w/lots of complications.

[OneGrassRoot]

47. There are amazing people at DU....

truly amazing. Thank you for being here and for sharing.

:hug:

[madokie]

49. It was a death alright

not a persons death but a death to my belief that we were a just and honest country. This was brought on by my spending 15 months in Vietnam. I ultimately volunteered to go to 'Nam but my decision to do that was based on lies told to me by my government.

[ThomWV]

51. Flashing lights in the rear-view mirror that began DUI #3

The moment I saw those flashing lights in my rear view mirror I knew the next DUI was coming. My life changed from that moment.

[Saphire]

52. Deaths of my parents, births of my children. Definite changes.

[Trailrider1951]

53. That day in August, 1977

I stood in a courtroom before a judge and I divorced my abusive husband. I had had enough. That was my "NO!" to a man who thought that if manipulation by guilt did not work, he had the right to put a fist to my face. That was also my "NO!" to my abusive parents before him. I swore that I would NEVER AGAIN put up with that goddamn bullshit from ANYONE! And I have not.

[OneGrassRoot]

55. lots of "7's" in your post :)

The 777th post for you, referring the year '77.

Perhaps a sign that today's an extra lucky day for you? ;)

Bravo to you for standing up when you did, Trailrider1951!!!!

[LeftHander]

68. The day I came out to myself and accepted who I am.

My life changed and I started on a path to find who I really was. With better than half my life behind me the journey thus far has been bitter sweet. I am constantly reminded of the "would ofs" and "could ofs" and feeling the pang of regret and disappointment for my lack of personal fortitude.

I am still coming to terms accepting my past and saying it was alright. I left behind a two families and numerous friends. Those that remain I still feel ashamed for deceiving them all those years. If it was not for my partner of four years I fear I would be lost.

But at the same time I know I must be thankful for the life I have. Now I drift somewhere between man and woman. Not fitting in any category or feeling accepted anywhere.

I left a world of an identity I manufactured to appease others. Now I am in a cloud, waiting for the fog to lift...if it ever does.

_--oops was supposed to be in reply to op

[lunatica]

54. The worst and the best for me

When my brother died it felt like my life was destroyed. My foundation was up-ended and fell apart. But I had a happy day that was just as profound. It was the day my son was born. My life made some sense again.

[Nicole Lambeth]

56. the loss of my infant daughter,

who was born prematurely and died about an hour after birth. And this was after four years of infertility, so it was kind of a double whammy. However, that one event had blossomed into unexpected blessings. My husband and I, who were on the verge of divorce when we found out she was coming, renewed our vows two days after my emergency c-section, while I was still in my bed hooked up to all sorts of tubes. We've donated to and walked for March of Dimes every year since then, too. I've mellowed considerably, since this forced me to put a lot of things in perspective. We joined a grief support group for parents that had lost an infant, and nourishing those friendships has been healing for everyone involved. I've learned to be a lot more compassionate with others, in part because of the way I was treated while actively grieving. I know now NOT to say a lot of things that were said to me. To this day, I will still smack the shit out of someone who tells me this was a blessing in disguise, because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But I am able to appreciate all the million little blessings that came out of this, too. So, this is possibly both the most negative and positive thing that has happened to me.

And for those that care to know, I am still adamantly pro-choice. Going through all of this has made me even more aware of the need for reproductive choice.

[OneGrassRoot]

58. Hugs to you, Nicole....

We have some things in common, though each experience is vastly different. We can't compare grief, but we can respect it. I learned a lot about what NOT to say as well through my experience. ;)

I simply wanted to offer a hug and welcome you to DU.

:hug: :hi:

[Nicole Lambeth]

59. thank you - and check your PM

:hug:

your note was so appreciated

[slackmaster]

57. The death of my father as well, though it took a very long time before I understood the impact

I was seven years old.

[Winterblues]

60. Sitting on the DMZ listening to Indy 500 and LBJ give a speech

LBJ told the American people that the bombing of North Vietnam had been halted. I was sitting within a half mile of the DMZ and listening to the "Arc Light" attacks about thirty miles into North Vietnam. I realized right then and there our Government was not to be trusted...PERIOD.

[reflection]

61. This doesn't really compare to some of the stories here,

but when I was growing up, my family was *really* poor. Generally all we had to eat was applesauce and white bread. My father left when I was two, and my older brother developed a surreptitious cocaine habit which he financed by breaking and entering into houses around the neighborhood. Consequently, he developed health issues and legal issues which cleaned us right out. Hence the applesauce sandwiches every night.

Fast forward to high school. There was a girl named Jennifer I was absolutely smitten with and daydreamed about constantly in school. I was in puppy love with her, to be sure. She was fairly nice to me and I just thought she was the bee's knees.

I had landed a job waiting tables at a restaurant within walking distance from my house, and had been at it long enough to save enough money to finance a date using my uncle's beat-up station wagon.

It took me awhile to get the courage up, but I finally approached Jennifer one day in the hallway after class and asked her if she would like to go to dinner and a movie.

Right after the words left my mouth, a flea jumped out of my hair onto her arm. (Our house was filled with fleas. I had been begging my mom to let me buy some flea bombs to fumigate the house, but we couldn't vacate the house for a day during the fumigation process and she thought the problem would just go away on its own)

Anyway, Jennifer freaked out, swatted the flea away, and leaned in to take a closer look at me. I had several fleas in my hair and on my shoulders. She made a *huge* scene. This vision of beauty I was infatuated with became red-faced and furious that I would "let myself be covered in fleas" and worse yet, "spread fleas to her". I still remember her ensuing attacks burning my ears and echoing up and down the hall, which was now filled with laughing schoolmates. I spun around, ran away, and sat under a tree near the edge of campus and cried until I was out of tears. The rest of that school year was absolute hell. I felt like (and was called) a gross little flea-bitten animal.

This story doesn't carry the gravity that some of the other ones on this thread do. But it was a powerful turning point for me, and to this day it is hard for me to think of that event without tearing up a little.

I almost backspaced over this entire post because it's still embarrassing, but I figure if someone wants to shit on it, they can't do any worse a job than Jennifer and the other kids did. So I'll leave it.

[renate]

88. it's not the event itself, it's the impact it has on you

A loss of a simple dream, and of hope, and of love--it may not seem as dramatic as the loss of a parent or child or many of the other stories here, but it was, because it affected you so powerfully. Kids can be so cruel to each other, at an age when just being looked at can make you feel insecure.

I have a friend who feels her entire life was shaped by an event at school more than 60 years ago. Her entire life! And it was something much less embarrassing (on the face of it, although, again, it's not about the event but the impact it had) than what happened to you. Just one thing, depending on the moment and depending on your emotional state at the time, can have the effect of a bomb.

Thank you for sharing your story. :hug:

[Jackeens]

62. Some staggeringly beautful posts

You're amazing people.

[Obamanaut]

63. Watching Miz O hit the road headfirst when she lost control of her

motorscooter. I was on my motorcycle about 50 ft behind her. She ended up in ICU for a couple of days, then the neurological wing, then rehab hospital, then a very long time of us working together to get her back together.

This was three years ago. She's about 90% now, we were told that's as good as it's going to get. Some stability issues, some short term memory loss, but she's here. 41 years together and still going!

She has told me several times since the accident that I am not the same person as pre-accident. More mellow, less inclined to becoming aggravated with things, in general a nicer guy.

[The Straight Story]

64. Winning my first Duzy Award

It was just...amazing....

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

65. On the rifle range fall of 1964.

All marines are riflemen.

We had to "qualify" every year. So, one October morning I got up, showered, etc. Arrived at the rifle range in the hills. They gave us coffee, hot, strong, black, coffee. It was chilly but clear and beautiful.

We took our places and loafed around a little too distant from each other to talk. It really was a lovely morning. Meadowlarks were singing, a slight breeze, the smell of sage. Truly peaceful and almost magical. I had my M-14 rust generator (they had replaced the M-1s) and, for some reason, the thought came into my head that in just a few minutes I would be shooting at those silhouette targets that look like men. And, that it was all in preparation to efficiently kill people.

I decided, then and there, that I wasn't going to kill people that I didn't know, had nothing against, and might even like, because some politician or General told me to. That it was insulting that they should even think I could be made into a murderer at their command.

[proteus_lives]

66. A couple...

1. When my mom gave me a comic book when I was six. I was raising hell in a grocery store and she probably was just looking to shut me up but she actually began my lifelong hobby and passion of comic book collecting. (thanks mom!)

2. My parent's divorce at age ten. Changed my life completely.

3. Getting hit by a car at age 11. I began looking things like life/death/religion/philosophy after that.

4. Being sent to boarding school at age 13. Hated it then but I think now it saved my life.

5. Falling in love for the first (and to date the only time.) That relationship is past but I think experiencing love changes the way you perceive the world forever.

[HamdenRice]

67. Watching both my parents die 10 days apart

My father had battled cancer for several years, and my mother, although getting up in years was ostensibly healthy.

My father finally passed away in the hospital where I had been keeping vigil for several days. About 10 days later, a week after the funeral, my mother called me up in the morning and asked me to bring over my father's death certificates, and also mentioned she wasn't feeling well, and asked me to take her to the doctor. We called an ambulance just in case. I called my sister who came to the emergency room.

My mother was dead by 4 o'clock that after noon, a combination of internal bleeding and cardiac arrest.

My mother's death was much more shocking because it was unexpected. Plus it was coming so soon after my father's death.

Whatever it is you are going to do in life, get on with the business of doing it.

[Jackeens]

70. Jesus, that's unimaginable.

So Sorry you went through that HamdenRice, incredible.

[NashVegas]

71. Worse And Better

Worse: age 6, my mom explains the meaning of the word, "divorce."

I'll keep the better to myself, but know that it didn't come along for another 35 years. No, it didn't outweigh anything, and doesn't. Not to sound self-pitying, but there's nothing that can erase or outweigh having one's entire life yanked out from under them and being forced to suffer abuse and neglect for several years. You can only get relief, IMO.

[Raine]

72. Death of a loved one

when I was 9 yrs old changed my life for the worst but I'm not going to go into details...too painful still. :-(

edit: spelling

[Lisa0825]

74. My mom's death.

It knocked me down for a few years.

[HughMoran]

75. I, like many children, saw images of the future stream by like flash cards

One of them was an image of my brother who was later killed in an accident directly in front of me. My life was permanently changed before I was even a teenager.

[shanti]

76. the most life changing?

my forehead slamming into the windshield of my car in 1974, just turned 18, and in my prime youth. this was before left hand signal lights came in to vogue. early january evening, light drizzle on a friday night, i was going to visit my honey! saw the yellow light and raced to make it thru, but didn't notice the car coming thru the light opposite from me making a left hand turn. when i came to, i raised my hand to my forehead and it was all pushed up like an accordian, in a smile shape.

it changed my looks, my outlook on life, my self-confidence. second most life changing event was 3 months later when i married the first boy i ever dated, the guy i was going to see when it happened. he was totally wrong for me, but all i knew at the time was that someone accepted me as i was :shrug:

[Number23]

78. Jackeens, when I was 8 years old I realized that I would die someday.

You know, I really REALIZED it. I was watching that scary "In Search Of..." show hosted by Leonard Nimoy and I was visiting my great-grandmother's house in Macon, GA. It was the summer of 1980.

They were talking about the Tower of London on the show and mentioned the two little princes who disappeared right outside of the tower. And Leonard Nimoy says in his deep, scary voice "and they were never seen or heard from again."

I remember thinking (as only an 8 year old can), "wow those kids are dead. Kids can die?? One day I am going to die" and just like that I was sick as a damned dog. I had to GO OUTSIDE and take deep breaths; the whole world was spinning. I thought I was going to die right at that moment and I have NEVER forgotten the first time in my life that I came face to face with my own mortality. Truly one of the most terrifying and life-altering experiences I've ever had.

The other life-altering experience I've had was the birth of my beautiful baby girl, my angel. :)

[pitohui]

79. nov 13, 1833

obv. i am not that old but w/out violating my privacy let's just say that the most mind blowing mind croggling event of life is not someone's death or your own pain, death and pain are to be expected and do not have that sense of wonder that is impossible to put into words...

yes, this most treasured momentS outweighs the worst of days

be grateful that you don't yet know this, it means that the most fantastic moment of your life is still ahead of you and you will be stunned...

[WCIL]

80. The sudden death of my sister at the age of 35.

I was out of town, and got a call that Kim wasn't feeling well and that they were taking her to the hospital. When I got to town I strolled into the hospital thinking I would visit for about 20 minutes and then move on to my "important" evening plans - only to meet my hysterical parents in the ER and find out that Kim was dead. She had actually collapsed and died at her home (with her 15 month old baby there), just before her fireman husband returned from an errand.

After the initial horror had passed, I made a lot of positive changes in my life. Kim and I had always had a rather difficult relationship, but there was "plenty of time" so we never really worked on straightening it out. Now, my parents and my surviving sister and I have our moments, but we know that we love each other and are loved in return. I dropped lots of commitments that I "had" to take part in, and now don't commit to anything that won't be a positive experience for me. Everything in my life used to be such a huge damn deal and I overreacted to the smallest irritations. Now that one of the worst things in life has happened, I don't fear deviations as much as I used to. I am so profoundly grateful that unlike my sister, I got to see my children grow to adulthood. There is still much sadness and unresolved grief, but I try to remember every day that I am a lucky, lucky woman.

[Obamanaut]

81. K. This thread has shown me like nothing before it that DU is made

up of real people, not just faceless beings on the other side of a computer screen.

An eye-opener for me.

[Voltaire]

82. A very thoughtful question...

I would say deaths have shaped me...I lost my mom, my wife, my grandmother and my brother in a span of about ten years, all before I was 32 years old. I'm 50 now. I would say that from loss, I have become a much more empathetic (there's that word again) and more spiritual (not religious) person. I appreciate life and all its foibles, because I am well aware that it can be gone in an instant. If I didn't know before, I know now that I AM my brother's keeper. Even a brother like Limbaugh, no matter how much he disgusts me.

[conscious evolution]

83. On July 29 1989 I survived

Mark Bartons rampage.
Luckily he had emptied his clips when we crossed paths.
Funny how your life flashes before your eyes when someone points a gun at you and pulls the trigger.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1T4GGIH_enUS264US266&q=related:en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_O._Barton

[rocktivity]

84. Watching The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show at the age of eight

No televised musical performance ever packed more of an impact than the Beatles’ first time on The Ed Sullivan Show, and it seems unlikely another ever will. Their five songs represented the start of a cultural revolution and attracted a ridiculous amount of attention. At the time, they remained little more than a curiosity to most, but now we know they made music history that day (February 9, 1964). link

And I still remember it--everyone in the audience squealing and my sisters and I jumping along in our living and squealing right along with them. It started my lifelong affair with music in general and rock in particular (which got me into trouble as my sisters' tastes in music evolved toward Motown, R&B and funk). But there was more to it than that. The Beatles made me realize that there was a whole world beyond the local subway station--and I decided that for better or worse, I was going to live in it on my terms, not those of my gender or skin color. It hasn't always been fun, but then again, life isn't supposed to be.

:headbang:
rocktivity

[BoneDaddy]

85. The death of my father

Although, arguably, the most painful day of my life, it has made me a better father, husband, son, brother, friend and person.

The most valuable lesson of life. Every day is precious.

[unapatriciated]

86. two events...

I was eight when my best friend my older sister died of Leukemia on Christmas Eve 1960. At the age of eight I learned not to take life and loved ones for granted, it also taught me compassion at a very early age.
The second was when my youngest was diagnosed with dermatomyositis in 1991. He fought active disease for over 10 years, has been in a controlled remission for little over 5 years.
I saw first hand the devastation many families went through due to lack of health care. Some with great (like myself) insurance coverage and others with no insurance.
It saddened then enraged me what many families had to endure at the hands of their Insurance companies, while they were struggling with the heartbreak of a seriously ill loved one.
That is when i first became involved advocating single payor health care.

edited to add:
the births of my children gave me great joy, but I remember the above two events in detail down to the minute, the first event defined how I would view my loved ones and fellow man for the rest of my life.

[Cresent City Kid]

89. The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina

I had spent 38 of my 40 years in New Orleans before Katrina. I was rescued by my brother-in-law 10 days after the storm, and have live just outside San Antonio since. The absence of New Orleans culture is more of a culture shock than the presence of the culture here. I am doing well, but I feel disconnnected and incomplete.

[guitar man]

90. The birth of my daughter

Becoming a father for the first time at 42 has to be the most pivotal moment in my life. She's 3 now and I don't regret a single moment I have spent with her, she's just wonderful. :)

[raccoon]

91. When I acquired a disability in the early 1990’s.

It changed my life in so many ways. First and most obvious, financially. I had to quit doing the kind of work I was doing, and enjoyed. Since that time, I have never made nearly as much as I did at that work, nor have I had group medical insurance since then.

It made me realize that your life can change completely--and quickly. As Bruce Springsteen said, “There’s things that’ll knock you down you don’t even see coming.”

I have become a more compassionate person since then. I understand better the obstacles many people face in life and must deal with.

Also, I came back over from the dark side. Yes, in the 80’s I used to be a Republican, God/Goddess/the Universe forgive me. I figured, I went back to school, got myself retrained, and got a good paying job—why can’t other people? I realize now that a lot of luck was also involved, and help from other people. I know now that bad things often happen to good people. (I read Harold Kushner’s book over and over.)

I am a lot more spiritual person now, and about the most bleeding heart liberal you’ll ever meet.

Sometimes I say I’m happily underemployed. :-)

[Maru Kitteh]

92. GREAT! The first time I looked in my daughters eyes. It was AMAZING.

It was like time stopped. We just looked at each other for the longest time. Her eyes are exactly like mine, and they were from that first day so it was really just this overpowering sense of seeing a part of myself in her combined with just sheer wonder at her. I understood from that moment that my life was absolutely and totally, permanently changed.

Of course, flash forward 16 years and two weeks to the time she wrecked my car and I had a slightly different feeling but.......... I'll keep her. :-)

[otohara]

93. My Son Graduation From College

just a couple weeks ago. Decided earlier this week, it was the most awesome day and few days of my life. First in my dysfunctional family to go to college.