What's missing from the Sanford discussion

[Tansy_Gold]

While we're all appropriately appalled at Gov. Sanford's behavior, I think we've missed an important point. It lies at the back of the intimate, emotion-laden e-mails that have prompted so much snickering. Olbermann's dramatic readings and Maddow's horrified blushes aside, these are apparently the writings of a man who has falled deeply -- and unwillingly -- in love.

He even writes that the relationship with his lover is hopeless and impossible, but he does not deny its existence.

What he, and others like him, ought to understand now, if they never did before, is that we don't get to choose who we fall in love with. We don't always fall in love with people who love us back. We don't always fall in love with people we even like. Whatever the obstacles, love is a powerful emotion that doesn't always respond to an on and off switch.

While many of us condemn Sanford's actions, there is no legal impediment to his relationship. Yes, I know there's a law on South Carolina's books that makes adultery illegal, punishable by a fine and jail sentence. But in the bigger picture, he can get a divorce; she can get a divorce; and they can marry and live happily ever after in the best romance novel tradition.

I doubt that Mark Sanford, as steeped as he is in conservative christian traditions, will have a revelation about the nature of love, but he ought to. He ought to realize, as a result of his own personal experience, that sometimes love happens when and where we least expect it. Sometimes the object of our affection is "forbidden," and I think his complex deception about his trip to Buenos Aires reflects his awareness of the "forbidden" and "illicit" nature of his relationship with Maria.

If he were truly awakened by this experience, he would, I think, understand that every person who loves someone outside the (currently) accepted norms would like to have their relationship treated with the same respect and options for fulfillment as anyone else.

We love who we love. What the brain chemistry or hormone effects may be, it doesn't matter. We love who we love, and we don't have any choice. Gay, straight, bi, trans, poly, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that we are capable of love, and love should be a strong force for good in the world.

I feel sorry for Mark Sanford. I feel sorry for his wife and family. I think he did a terrible, stupid thing, and I think he deserves to lose his job over it. I think his conservative christian blindness to the nature of human emotion and affection put him in this situation, and it's not going to help him get out of it.

The only thing that Mark Sanford could do to regain -- well, gain -- my respect at this point would be for him to hold another press conference and say his experience opened his eyes to the nature of love and he is now in favor of gay marriage with full federal benefits -- taxes, social security survivor benefits, etc. -- to gay couples.

Sanford admitted in one of his emails that his heart had overruled his head. Well, dude, that's what love is.



Tansy Gold, who still believes in love

[MichiganVote]

1. Oh gag me...marriage, a governorship and four boys...the guy's delusional.

And he's an ass.

[Tansy_Gold]

6. I never said he wasn't.

I never defended him. I said he deserved to lose his job, and I mean that.

What I meant was that he ought to recognize that some of us fall in love with people we -- by society's standards -- shouldn't. I doubt he's aware enough to realize that, but that doesn't mean WE can't recognize it.


But, oh, well, if I missed the boat with you, it don't make me no never mind.



TG

[MichiganVote]

15. So let me get this straight...you're sayin' the guy is not "aware enough" to

realize that he shouldn't have chosen to follow this course, but that he should recognize that 'some of us" do, as you put it, fall in love with people outside of society's approval and for this he deserves to lose his job? Huh?

(1. you're entitled to your opinion and that's ok.
(2. he didn't just "fall in love". He walked, flew, albiet, ran away from his responsibilities as a state agent, as a spouse and as a father ON frickin' Father's Day no less...to another whole country for days on end. He also lied to his staff, the press and his family about his whereabouts, not to mention the fact that we probably paid for his sex junkets.
(3. what makes you think he gives a rat's ass who anyone but he "falls in love" with.

[Tansy_Gold]

25. I don't think he gives a rat's ass, but I do

No, I don't think he's "aware" enough. I think maybe, if there's enough pressure put on him, he could BECOME aware, but he ain't there now.

My point was that WE have failed to recognize the opportunity WE have -- to use Sanford's obvious emotional involvement to illustrate the truly fickle finger of fate/love. I'm quite sure he didn't intend to fall in love; maybe he intended to have an affair, but I think this went beyond that.

And yes, I agree wholeheartedly that he treated his wife abominably, his kids abominably, and his job with complete and total disregard. He should resign immediately. He's in no condition to continue to govern. He has lost respect, he has become an object of ridicule, and his behavior indicates he lacks common sense and reasonable judgment. He ought to be gone immediately.

What he does after that isn't really of a whole lot of importance. He can do a "without the help and support of the woman I love" speech or he can just fade into obscurity. I don't care.

But I do care about people who love just as passionately as Mark Sanford (or at least as passtionately as he THINKS he loves) but who are denied the legal benefits he takes for granted.


TG

[MichiganVote]

31. Oh believe me Tansy, he's about to become aware of a whole host of things..

For one thing his wife is filthy rich and could and probably will take him to the cleaners--minus the kids who will then be denied a sound relationship with their father. For another, his political capital is down below nothing meaning he won't have a job whether he resigns or not.

I don't see any emotional involvement. I see a guy who lied through his teeth, dabbed a few tears, tried to display the mantle of stress and basically tried out for a role as Hamlet but wound up looking like Fred Flintstone.

One hole in your argument to consider tho' and that is that those if us who have been married a long time are not unaware of attraction opportunities. The difference is that we reject them for the sake of the spouse and children we've already chosen. (unless the relationship is toxic that is) The Sanford's of the world rationalize their infidelity by declaring that their "love" is the greatest, the best, the deepest and so on and do forth.

Let's be clear...he said that "he developed the relationship"...

[Tansy_Gold]

33. Toxic relationships and infatuation and the choice to remain faithful

I'm familiar with them all, and I was married for 36 years until my husband's death.

Playing amateur psychologist here, I do believe (and I could be wrong) that Sanford beliees himself in love with this woman and that he did not set out to stray, to use a nice romance-novel euphemism. The sincerity of his other email, the one about listening to country music in the air-conditioned cab of his front end loader or whatever it was, has to be compared to the more salacious missives. He's not calculating enough, IMHO, to NOT be in love with her. If this were a cold-blooded fling, he wouldn't have behaved so stupidly. and yes, I think the stupidity of his behavior disqualifies him from continuing as governor.

The issue that's being ignored, IMHO, is not Mark Sanford's obvious failures, and they are many, but rather it is his failure to recognize that love/passion/infatuation/irresistible sexual attraction does not always arrive according to our plans and intentions and attitudes and beliefs.

TG

[Cha]

7. Yeah, I'm going

with your's.

What's missing is the sympathy for the people of South Carolina who didn't vote for him. Colbert just sent out his sympathies to all the people of South Carolina.

[MichiganVote]

23. For every guy or gal presented with an opportunity to stray, I guarantee you

there will be someone who chose not to do so and somehow lived to not tell about it. This guy has dug himself into a mighty big hole. Should plan on a consult with Bill Clinton in the near future. :)

[opihimoimoi]

2. Oh Vell.....such is Life....but, where is her Picture???and Ensigns Affair ...where is her pic?

[TommyO]

3. What's missing from your sappy love story is that he failed in his duty as governor

he not only abandoned his wife and children, but he violated his oath of office by going AWOL.

[BlooInBloo]

4. I believe in love just fine. It's hard-dick-dude that I don't believe.

[VAliberal]

5. well put

thanks

[Dappleganger]

8. Look, we've been married almost 21 years.

We have four kids that are close to the ages of Sanford's boys, and here's my take:

It's none of my business what goes on in a person's marriage or family as long as he doesn't break any laws (even if he's a scumbag). Did he use state funds to go on his trips--that remains to be seen and yes, he's accountable to SC for that as well as skipping out of town w/out saying where he was going.

All I want to know is if it's ok for gays to get married now that repukes have proven yet once again they have no idea what the 'sanctity of marriage' really means. Other than that, it's all smoke and mirrors and keeps us from discussing and fighting for REAL issues.

As for him falling in love with someone else, the answer is obvious: hubris.

[Tikki]

56. I wonder too...if their obsession with other people's...

sex lives keeps the act of sex on their minds 24/7 and if this isn't a prelude to
fantasy sex daydreams and the inevitable path down the road to finding an object to their obsession.


Tikki

[eleny]

9. I see your point

This could be a learning experience for him. I doubt he'll have the epiphany that's being served up to him. And that's too bad. I think that's why I feel unmerciful towards him. It could be such a breakthrough.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

10. That's a lovely perspective,

and I'd be thrilled if this was what it took for Sanford - and Ensign and all the Republicans who have been caught in compromising situations - to understand that their view of the world was exclusionary and narrow and intolerant. That it would open their eyes to what so many experience.

But, you're also talking about a man who betrayed his wife, his four very young sons, his staff, his supporters, his constituents, his colleagues, and anyone else who thought he was worth a damn.

And that is the hallmark of someone so thoroughly selfish, self-interested, and self-involved. HIs concern is only with him. What he wants, what he thinks he needs, what he had to have, what he cared about. Him. No one else.

That's hardly an individual who is going to experience a satori and suddenly be capable of generalizing his experience to anyone else, let alone people who are, in the eyes of his professed religion, sinners.

"Isn't it pretty to think so?" Hemingway wrote, and that quote jumped into my mind as I read your very generous and delicate post.

But there is always that real world out there, shoving its harshness and sharp truths against our soft parts, and it will not be denied.

That, though, was a wonderful post..........................

[Tansy_Gold]

20. Well, that's the point. Sanford won't recognize it, but can't we?

Isn't that partly what we're about? or is ridicule and humiliation the only purpose we have here?

That's why I said the only thing Sanford could do to gain -- not regain, 'cause he never had it -- any respect from me would be to come out (pun intended) in favor of marriage equality. That said, I have no difficulty exploiting his emotions for those objectives.

As I said in another thread, I've been in a situation similar to his. Mine didn't resolve itself the way his did, thank the good goddess, but it did make me aware that until you've been in someone else's shoes, you'd best not be too critical. Well, Mark, wake up and smell the coffee.


TG

[RufusTFirefly]

26. I'm with you, Tansy.

Love trumps everything. Especially common sense.

And, trust me, I'm no Republican. In fact, even though I've stayed put relatively speaking, I feel as though I'm moving further and further left thanks to the steady corporatization of my party.

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. Passion all too often gets confused with love.

Or to put another way, there is intense passionate love. Usually that is more about what I am feeling and experiencing than about the other person.
The other kind of love is deep and steady and the focus is more about the other person.
Less " I ", more "you".

Just my 2 cents worth, after a few life lessons of both kinds.

[K Gardner]

11. This is what I've been thinking all day. Yes, he's a cheating jerk, but it is quite obvious at

least to ME, that the man is hopelessly and desperately in love with someone he is too spineless to ever be with. To gain my respect, he'd have to leave the wife and kids everything.. I mean EVERYTHING, renounce his American citizenship and move to Argentina to be with the woman he so obviously loves. So sue me.

If he ever felt, as he should, about opening his eyes and heart about gay marriage.. he'd never admit it, I don't think. But that would be an added plus.

No one will ever forget Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. Follow your heart governor. Your life is over here. You'll either be a joke, or fade quietly into obscurity with the woman you love and live a quiet, happy life. It's a no-brainer, seems to me.

Besides, after seeing those emails, anyone think his wife would REALLY take him back?

[MichiganVote]

18. His wife should shoot him.

[MadrasT]

61. What you said...

...is exactly what I've been thinking. :pals:

[lapislzi]

64. Wow.

You nailed it there, my friend. My heart actually aches for the governor who is so steeped in his own hypocrisy that he has no hope of living an authentic life and will one day be sitting on his porch in his dotage, wondering why his life was so unhappy, and why he is so very, very alone.

I have Been There. I chose my heart. Hardest thing I ever did, but also the rightest.

[kentuck]

12. Mormons understood this a long time ago...

Why should he have to give up his first wife just because he fell in love with another woman? Why not just keep both of them? :-)

[MichiganVote]

21. Yeah, why get rid of a perfectly good used doormat when you get a new one.

Oh, that's right. His wife doesn't seem to like that idea. Pity.

[chollybocker]

13. Don't call us; we'll call you.

Love, Hallmark.

[Tansy_Gold]

14. Ah, honey, if you had any clue

I used to write romance novels for a living. As in published. With cash advances. From major publishers.

Them as can, does.


I did.


Tansy Gold

[Tangerine LaBamba]

28. You know,

when I read your OP, I had the idea that you'd written romance novels.

Isn't that strange?

Must be something about having such a clear-eyed belief in love, maybe.

In any event, I bet you're very good..............

[chollybocker]

29. Congratulations.

I am honored that you grace these pages with your drivel.

Although, how you derived 'love' from the sordid revelations of the past few days must lead me to reconsider your nomination for the Pulitzer.

I will step away now.

[glinda]

16. Nicely written. I agree. I also agree he should step down and leave the Country.

[countingbluecars]

17. You say

"these are apparently the writings of a man who has fallen deeply -- and unwillingly -- in love". Sorry, but I don't buy that. He was willing. Why bother fighting for marriage, if it means so little?

[GeorgeGist]

19. He's afraid to be himself.

True love is a solution. If that's what it is.

[MazeRat7]

22. He really has only one option, IMHO

While your words are so very true, certainly others will disagree. That being said, if indeed he has found his "love", then he should give it all up and leave the states to be with her. Somehow I think that will be the final outcome. Failure to do that only indicates a man having a first time fling. One thing is for sure, based on his ramblings today he is someone who is very confused about what is happening in his heart.

In the mean time, the hypocrisy is staggering and needs to be called what it is. Affairs of the heart aside.

Peace,
MZry

[Stephanie]

24. If he had been as generous to Clinton, or even Livingston, you might have a point

However, he was not.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0609/Sanford_helped_push_Livingston_out.html

Asked about Livingston's admitted affairs, Sanford told CNN, "The bottom line ... is he still lied. He lied under a different oath, and that is the oath to his wife."

[Tansy_Gold]

30. Again, it's not just about Sanford

I know he's a lying hypocrite. I know he walked away from his job for five or six days -- when I was in the corporate world, a four day absence without notice was an automatic termination. He's not entitled to a do-over on any of it.

My point is that however clumsy he was about it, however open to ridicule his emails were/are, however stupidly he prosecuted this affair, he fell in love. No one is coming out and saying,

"Mark Sanford fell in love. he screwed up a lot of things and he hurt a lot of people. He fucked up royally. But ya know, maybe he and his homophobic compatriots oughta look at what happened and recognize, for once in their benighted existences, that love sometimes happens and we don't have a whole lot of control over it."

That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about forgiving Mark Sanford or letting him keep his job or anything else. I'm talking about the opportunity WE have to make a point.

But I guess I haven't made that point clear.


TG

[Stephanie]

32. I understand, but OUR point is that here's a man who DENIES the love of millions of same-sex couples

And for that reason alone, nevermind the many others, he deserves no sympathy. Yes, if he had come out today and said, I was wrong. You have no control over who you love, and if you love a man or a woman it should be up to you, then yes, he'd deserve a break. But today, not so much. All I saw was self-serving mumbling and not a thought for the people he's wronged outside of his inner circle.

[Tansy_Gold]

34. You're more generous to him than I

I don't think he really had a thought for even the people in his inner circle. If he ever had a thought for them, he wouldn't have acted as stupidly as he did. I mean, really, all passion aside, he was a ditz. A novelist who wrote that scenario would be laughed out of the slush pile.

When I said I felt sorry for him, I meant it in the sense that I feel sorry for anyone who can't get outside their own little narrow circle of experience and get an understanding of how beautiful life and love are. Obviously I feel sorry for those he has hurt with his actions, but I hesitate to label someone as completely evil and beyond redemption. Sanford has a long way to go before he's at that point.

He needs more than a 5-day vacation. He needs a permanent vacation from his current job, effective immediately, and he needs to get some serious counseling. What he ultimately decides to do is his choice, but I think he needs to recognize that he has a variety of choices that he is denying to other people who are no different from him. Indeed, they're BETTER than him.


TG

[TommyO]

35. I can't believe you're still defending this piece of crap

he abandoned his office, he abandoned his family, including the woman he married and claimed to love.

What planet are you from?

[Tansy_Gold]

36. I am NOT defending him.

What gives you the idea that I am?

Sheesh, read much, dude?


TG

[Historic NY]

37. Whats missing is he abandoned his JOB, & the people of the state to go off on a fling.

[Tansy_Gold]

38. Actually, no, that's not missing. THAT is being discussed quite well

And no one, least of all I, is forgiving him for it.

But hey, what concern is it of mine what people read or do not read in my posts?

[dgibby]

42. Great op.

As for some of the responses, I guess some people read what they want to see, not what's actually written.

ABC is reporting today that Sanford has no plans to resign as Gov. This is not surprising to those of us who have had the misfortune to have him for our Governor.

He's an interesting character, in a clinical (not human) way. A poster child for narcissistic personality disorder, he is also a contraian control freak. Add to that extreme religious fundamentalism, far right conservatism with libertarian leanings, homophobia, and complete lack of empathy for anyone else, and you have Mark Sanford.

As for his ability to truly love another person, I suspect it's only in the context of what that person can do for him. I doubt that he is actually capable of loving anyone other than himself.

His public persona is one of a cold, calculating,resentful austere,angry authority figure. When confronted by one of his unemployed constituents, who was concerned about unemployment benefits running out (Sanford didn't want to extend benefits), his response to the man was appalling. The man said to him (paraphrased) "What will I do? How will I pay my bills, feed my family, etc?". Sanford's dismissive response was "I'll pray for you".

So, Tansy, I agree with you that this would be a great opportunity for Sanford to expand his horizons, I fear his is quite incapable of doing so. He is, in the end, just an empty shell of a man, too self-involved to see beyond the end of his own nose.

[Tansy_Gold]

43. Thanks for the insight into Sanford as a (human?) being.

I haven't paid that much attention to him as an individual -- I'm in AZ where we have our own political Flakes, pun intended -- and I imagine you're probably right about him. There probably is no real expectation that he himself is gonna wake up on his tear-soaked pillow this morning and say, "Gee, I've been an ignorant asshole all my life and now I see the truth!" Charles Dickens ain't writin' this script.

But it bothered me that while Rachel Maddow couldn't bring herself to read the mushy kissing stuff (to paraphrase from The Princess Bride) contained in Sanford's emails, couldn't she or one of her guests make the observation that Sanford apparently, in his own mind at least however shallow it may be, fell in love outside the bounds of his own narrow little definition of what's "good" love and what's "bad" love and maybe it's time for pukes and other homophobes to step back and take a different look at the situation? It's not gonna change the attitude of Mark Sanford or Sam Brownback or Fred Phelps, but it might change the mind of Julianna Crosshairs or Alfred Locklear, average (?) folks who aren't quite ready to voice their opinion as pro-marriage equality. Those are the people who should be hearing this message.

I'm not gay, so I won't even begin to speak for that constituency, but as a straight person who is pro-marriage-equality (though not so pro-marriage) I kinda hoped to see someone saying that Sanford and his ilk are hypocrites not only for their stance on marriage but for their stance on love/passion/romance/heat of the moment lust/whatever the fuck you wanna call it. And call them out on their lack of understanding.

But I don't think that's gonna happen either.


Tansy Gold, who wrote stuff a whole lot more graphic than Mark Sanford's prose that woulda made poor Rachel's head evaporate

[marions ghost]

57. "A poster child for narcissistic

personality disorder" (NPD) -- absolutely!

Why can't people in this society see that this is all about the INABILITY TO LOVE (or care for) anyone but Self?

Sanford is a pathetic and appalling individual, your basic creep, not worthy to hold a high public office. It is ALL about MOI and he's not as cute as Miss Piggy.

We have to start recognizing these personalities and refusing to elevate or excuse them.

The problem is there are many such narcissists among us in higher echelons and they grease the way for their kindred. It helps to be uncaring about others if you want power in America.

Sanford is a prime example of pathological self-love. He does need help but NPD is resistant to therapy. I understand why you would say he's less than human--such people can often seem to be devoid of normal human emotions, just empty shells. It's a sad affliction, but these people often wreak so much destruction that it's hard to be charitable.

This affliction is about NOT CARING --for anyone other than Self. He does not "love" even this "exotic" woman. It is only a projection of himself, as are his wife and kids.

Sad case, and his bizarre appearance before the press only proves it further. I'm glad for his exposure as a hypocrite and unfit public servant.

[mikeytherat]

39. I don't see "love" in those e-mails - I see infatuation.

Those letters read like a teenage crush,

mikey_the_rat

[marions ghost]

59. yep

he's stuck in permanent adolescence.

[Obamanaut]

40. photos. nt

[raccoon]

41. I disagree with you here,

"We love who we love, and we don't have any choice."

I think we do have some choice. If we sense we're attracted to somebody, and we're already married (or there is some similar impediment) we can choose to not be around that person.

[Tansy_Gold]

46. That's a choice of behavior, not a choice of emotion

In order to make the conscious decision to stay away from the person we're 'attracted' to, we have to recognize that we are attracted.

I'm not debating the validity, the depth, or the sincerity of Sanford's emotions. I'm taking him at his word that he feels SOMETHING, even if it is narcissistic, for this woman. And he acted on those feelings.

Nor am I suggesting that ANYTHING he did about it was right or good. I think he behaved reprehensibly toward everyone, even people he didn't apologize to.

[Psychic Consortium]

44. Yes very good points. Will he learn the lessons he needs to learn?

He tried to make other people's love ugly.
Now his love is made ugly.

Does he begin to mature and gain some wisdom from this?
Karma time.

[marions ghost]

60. Usually

these personality types cannot get out of the box. They rationalize what they have done, forgive themselves, and continue living in delusion. Some even manage to crawl back into some position of
credibility.

However after exposure like this, their delusions can't affect others quite as directly since they have lost in terms of image and trust.

[Psychic Consortium]

65. yes you are correct

But even personality disorders can begin to de compensate under this kind
of crisis and begin to incorporate some reality.... but it usually takes
something like this to trigger the growth....

But as you say, at least his ability to hurt others will be curtailed now.

[MicaelS]

45. So if I, as a 51 year old man, "fall in love" with a 13 year old girl

Which is most certainly "outside the (currently) accepted norms" should I realistically expect "to have their relationship treated with the same respect and options for fulfillment as anyone else"?

[Tansy_Gold]

48. Probably not.

But only because she is not of legal age to make the rational decision necessary for the relationship to be mutually consensual.



TG, who is still in love with the guy she fell in love with at 14

[kentuck]

47. Tansy...

Just curious...are you male or female?

[Tansy_Gold]

49. Female

Last time I looked, anyway

[kentuck]

50. Thanks...

for your uplifting words.

[GreenArrow]

51. Let he who is without sin

cast the first stone. Having sinned now, perhaps the governor will think twice before casting anymore stones.

[tridim]

52. For the record I'm starting to think these letters are fake

This is a guy who uses "Y'all" all the time in his speeches. The letters sound nothing like him.

I'm thinking they were written and released specifically to get the exact reaction seen in the OP. Feel sorry for the poor Governor, he's in LOVE! :eyes:

[Tansy_Gold]

62. A couple observations

1. Most people write in a very different style than they talk. Most of us don't, in our normal written communication, drop our g's and go to the trouble of writin' in all th'apostrophes of our slurred words. We write "comfortable" when many of us say "comfterble" without even thinking about it.

2. The OP (written by me) was not suggesting we should feel sorry for Sanford in the sense of forgiving him or letting him get away with what he's done without paying for the damage.

3. The kind of prose Sanford wrote -- and I may be a gullible naif but I do believe he wrote the emails himself -- will invariably draw snickers and hoots exactly as it did on KO last night. It's beginner-level romance novel style, and it does not translate well to being spoken aloud. It is intended for private, intimate if you will, reading, not performance. It does NOT draw sympathy; it draws ridicule. Given that they were held by the paper for several months and not released until after Sanford had already exposed himself as a liar, a philanderer (a good romance novel word), and an all-around dickhead, there's not much in them that's particularly sympathetic.

Once again, this is not about finding sympathy for a screw-up. It's about crassly using his despicable behavior to make a point about the stupidity and hypocrisy of RW homophobia.


TG

[tblue37]

53. I read that he told a staffer that he was going for some "T&A".

If this is true, then that doesn't sound like love to me. It sounds like a typical horndog rich & powerful man getting some nookie.

[JerseygirlCT]

54. I'm afraid I'm not such a romantic

You can fall in love whenever, with whoever. But if you've already made a commitment to a wife and a family, you're not free to act on that love. To do so is selfish.

Yes, he and his wife could choose to end their marriage. It would still be unfair to their boys, but it happens. Once divorced (and accepting all the political fall-out, which would be his responsibility), he'd be free to act on his great love. Before that, there's no excuse, IMO.

It's a situation where a privileged guy assumed the rules he held so strongly for everyone else didn't apply to him. It's rank hypocrisy and ego. It's selfish - satisfying his own desires above those of the people to whom he had committed himself. It's an utter lack of self-control or a sense of his own responsibility - to his wife, his kids, the people of his state.

I don't feel in the least sorry for him. He should never have acted on his love - or not until he was legally and morally free to do so.

And unfortunately, I strongly doubt someone that selfish will take any lessons of empathy from this and have his eyes opened to his bigotry. This was always and apparently still is, all about himself and his own needs and desires.

[G_j]

55. K&R

[Hell Hath No Fury]

58. There is a great opportunity for a lesson here.

I have feelings much like yours. At first I was just "oh lordy another GOP family values hypocrite" and then I read the available letters.

Yes, he is a GOP family values hyprocrite, but he is also a man deeply in love and acting against everything he was raised to believe in. There must be some serious congnitive dissonance going on in that guy's head.

There is a delicious karmic justice being dealt here. As someone who spoke out so adamantly against men who have cheated on their wives (no doubt feeling himself a superior man at those times) and against the rights of our LGBT citizens -- now that he is taking a long, hard walk in some well-worn shoes, one can only hope lessons on judgement, compassion, and understanding are learned.

He has a wonderful opportunity here. Whether he takes it....that's a whole different matter.

[JackRiddler]

63. A sense of its relative importance as a news item? Probably.