The Latest Ridiculous Right Wing Email Chain: "New Preamble To The Constitution"

[ihavenobias]

Note: I personally never receive these non-factual, non-sourced and incredibly simplistic emails designed to fire up dopey Republicans, but I know people who do. I think it's important to not ignore them, but rather to discuss (and debunk) them with the potentially influenced 'moderates' in our lives. Plus while it can be annoying and aggravating to read these things, it can also provide more insight into the latest BS talking points and misinformation.

 NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, and delusional.

We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?

[rucky]

1. LOL @ Article XI

about not having the right to change our country's history - as part of a Lampooned historical document

[Ron Green]

2. It's always amusing when beady-eyed, small minded people describe themselves

as "sensible people."

[wtbymark]

3. who wrote article V, the AMA? n/t

on edit: or Max Baucus?

[ihavenobias]

5. I don't know, but what buffoon considers that second sentence to be a good argument?

I mean really? It's embarrassing. It's truly embarrassing that someone read this idiotic, simplistic and sassy list and thought so much of it as to forward it to others.

[blackbooks]

30. It's a variation of the classic DMV argument

You know the trite nonsense I'm talking about. "If you think the government should be running ______ just take a look at the DMV".

It's silliness of the first order. And, while I'm on the subject, the DMV in my city runs pretty damn well.

[pleah]

4. Oh, jeez.

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

[wryter2000]

6. The problem with answering these things...

I find that if I just address one or two points, it seems as if I'm validating the others.

For example, "we hold these truths to be self-evident" is from the Declaration of Independence. (These moronic "patriots" really don't know the difference between the two documents.) If I send that message out, does that mean I'm approving the rest of it as accurate?

However, if you do decide to fight the morons, be sure to hit "reply to all." They always have huge mailing lists. Probably the moron will be humiliated to have your factual response to go out to all their friends.

[ihavenobias]

7. True.

Also, some of their framing cracks me up, like this straw-man:

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

Really, progressives fight for criminals to have "a life of leisure"? That's news to me! But of course their point is to lump that line in (a line that no one disagrees with) and make it seem as if people who disagree with any of the points surely disagree with that one as well.

[wryter2000]

27. So called straw men come in mighty handy for those folks. n/t

:hi:

[TlalocW]

18. I always hit reply to all

And by doing so, I have discouraged my fundamentalist uncle from sending any more of these out (at least to me and to my mom, who sends them to me to debunk if I'm not in the list).

One time though, I hit reply all on something my niece had sent out - a list of stupid quotes by celebrities. I noticed that all the Dan Quayle quotes had been misattributed to Al Gore so I corrected that, corrected a few more I knew to be false, and made the offhand remark that if you wanted stupid quotes just watch a George W. Bush speech.

This earned the ire of a junior from her high school who started up an email correspondence with me (which I gladly encouraged because he was so easy to piss off). He was extremely upset that all his "computer skillz" was unable to turn up where I lived (unlisted in Tulsa) and actually called a guy in Milwaukee with my same first and rare last name. He kept demanding it so he could come "kick a mudhole" in my chest, and I kept offering to buy him a Happy Meal at his local McDonald's the next time I was in visiting family before he kicked said mudhole in my chest. Eventually my niece got wind of our correspondence, and for some reason the emails from him stopped after she approached him in school and said, "My uncle is 3 times bigger than you are. You don't want to be threatening him." As if I would ever get into a physical altercation with a teenager over politics, but that's how my niece thought. :)

TlalocW

[mnhtnbb]

19. Did it a couple of times and it brought the same person out

to respond that I was wrong! --oh, no!-- and not following etiquette --dear me!--
and she would teach me the proper response to only reply to the sender.

The sender happened to be my SIL and I finally reached my breaking point with her bullshit
forwarded right wing crap e-mails. I blocked her e-mail AND I told her self-righteous,
arrogant little a$$hole "friend" who was defending her exactly who I was and what I was doing.

That was well before the election.

Recently, I unblocked SIL's e-mail, and although no political BS has been coming my way,
her self-righteous "do it my way" tone still shines through on her personal correspondence.

:puke:

[ihavenobias]

23. That's insane.

Disturbing but funny.

[wryter2000]

24. Happy Meal!

:rofl:

[Mist]

8. "This country was founded on the belief in one true God"???And here I've always thought it

was founded to be independent of England.

[ihavenobias]

12. Not to mention the fact that founders were mostly deists. n/t

[wryter2000]

25. "In God we trust"

Was put on the currency about the same time "under God" was put in the pledge. I guess 60 years ago is history.

Ironically, the guy who wrote the pledge was some kind of pastor, but he didn't feel the need to put "under God" in it.

[Seldona]

9. Complete lies.

The right wing has no intention of getting along with anyone. The only way they 'cooperate' is if they set the agenda, period.

I've dealt with 2 year olds that were more rational than these goons.

[KamaAina]

10. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

E ola mau ka 'olelo Hawai'i! (May the Hawaiian language live forever.) :P

[wryter2000]

28. Good one!

:applause:

[EC]

11. No debunking, I just feel really sorry for these folks

if this is the way they see the world...They lack empathy, do not allow other people dignity, believe that other religions and cultures are heathen. I wouldn't choose to live life as they see it..

[Occam Bandage]

13. "You do not have the right to change our country's history. Here's a new Preamble,

to reflect what we wish the Constitution said instead of what it actually says!"

[JHB]

14. Somewhere, in the best of all possible worlds...

...the people who write or agree with this idiocy actually have to live under it.

'Cause what they'd get isn't anywhere near what they imagine it'd be.

[CherylK]

15. Grrr!!!

:grr: :puke:

[HawkerHurricane]

16. Given how often the Republicans violate the real Constitution...

What makes anyone think they'll follow the fake?

[Berry Cool]

17. This is actually an old one, just repackaged.

So tiresome. My comments on a few of these:

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes ..

Oh, really, are we? That's funny, because I thought Clinton did away with welfare a decade ago.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

Speak for yourself. I liked the kind of "public," government-run programs that helped us win World War II. Medicare isn't bad either. Now what was that you were saying again about how anything created by the government is inferior to having nothing at all? Oh, and by the way, if I had a choice of living in public housing over being homeless, I'd take public housing. I feel the same way about public health care. Better something than nothing.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times,

Oh, will you? I thought you just said above that "we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .."

but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

Well, I guess that would be a whole lot easier for people to do if a) the public schools were better (but that would mean you might have to pay more in TAXES) or b) they had the money for tuition and fees--but you wouldn't want the government to help them with that, would you? Because, oh no, that would mean it was PUBLICLY SUBSIDIZED. And surely publicly subsidized education would be just as huge a failure as public housing...*sigh*

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

And who gets to decide which laws are "idiotic"? You do, and only you...right?? I thought so.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!

Spoken like a nine-year-old on a playground.

(Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God.

Um, actually, no, it was not. On the contrary, it was founded as a place where people could come to avoid being persecuted on the basis of religion. Don't believe it? Read up on it. And get out of my face, because if you don't get that, YOU are the one who doesn't understand the Constitution. It's right there in the First Amendment, pal. Don't like it? Go establish the theocracy of your dreams someplace else.

[ColbertWatcher]

20. What a bunch of morans ...

http://www.wikiality.com/Constitution_of_the_United_States_of_America

[OhioChick]

21. Wow....Kick n/t

[treestar]

22. Article IV is false, if Americans were so charitable, we would never

have needed a welfare program in the first place. Reagan was always saying charity would take care of the poor, but it does not. The rich don't give enough on their own, thus the legislation.

[ihavenobias]

33. Good point.

Some people think some pennies thrown into a bucket around holidays (supplement by the occasional large donation to a foundation) make up for government programs and it doesn't.

[Horse with no Name]

26. Geez it sounds like one of my coworkers wrote this.

:puke:

[kentuck]

29. Section I, Article I...

You do not have the right to screw anyone just to make a profit. It is not your God-given right.

[blackbooks]

31. Ok, Article II is just funny when you consider the source

It's not liberals demanding Chuck Lorre's shows be taken off the air for their "offensive" humor. It's not because of liberals that supermarkets have to cover up the Cosmos any time the word "Sex" appears on the cover. It's not liberals that got Lenny Bruce thrown in jail.

Conservatives have such a reputation for toughness, and yet they are the most thin-skinned, easily offended people on the planet. And they're the first ones who forget that Article II in the above e-mail is actually true. You DON'T have the right to never be offended. Nor do your spouses, children, or dear little grannies.

(For the sake of fairness, there are a number of liberals who need a refresher in this too, but since we're hardly ever in a position to use the law to get rid of what offends us, we're easier to ignore.)

I'm not a big fan of Howard Stern (Opie and Anthony are just funnier. Period.) but I'm firmly on his side whenever any conservative douche-bag from BFE goes into paroxysms because he had the unmitigated gall to ask a porn star about her happy-naughty-fun bits.

To paraphrase Jim Norton, if entertainers don't get the credit when your kid does well in math class, they don't deserve the blame when the dumb little bastards fuck up their lives.

[blackbooks]

32. Article X

Ok. This one's just plain dumb.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe that if you're going to be living in any country (France, Germany, Japan, etc.) you should at least make an effort to learn enough of the language to get along. It's just common sense, and people tend to respond better if you can at least say "please" and "thank you" in the native tongue. It shows you're being neighborly.

But that's just not the case with America. We don't have an official language. All laws in Louisiana are (or were, last I checked) written in English and French. All laws in California are written in English and Spanish. All laws in Hawaii are written in three languages. There's the various official languages on the reservations, plus the majority of our place names come from a language other than English

But the biggest problem with this idea, more than the inherent discrimination, more than the childishness is this: It makes us less safe. It's a very big world and there's plenty of people who don't like us very much and the majority of them speak languages other than English. While we should be encouraging as many people as possible to learn other languages simply for the sake of safety and international diplomacy, this article has the opposite effect. I don't often care about the messages we're sending to children, but this is an exception. Why would they learn another language when English is all they need? When English is all that's proper? When English is the only language of truly patriotic Americans?