I need some help dealing with a racist family member

[liberal N proud]

I keep getting emails that are blatantly racist from him and I am at wits end on dealing with it.

The latest is titled: "EXACTLY RIGHT..Liberals beware!!!"

It contains the very racist letter from Pat Buchanan to Obama

At the end after all the pass this on bull, there is an added note that says: "While we're at it -- can you name one(1) country run by blacks that is successful ?????"

I want to shut this asshole up once and for all, so I need some help from everyone to do it right.

[monmouth]

1. This has happened to me also, I deleted them from my address book

and contact list. I hear from them no more. I had warned but they insisted on sending. They are not friends if they insist, against your wishes to stop sending this disgusting stuff.

[SleeplessInAlabama]

2. To be honest if you just want to be off his mailing list in a hurry

send him a link to this.

[Chulanowa]

3. There's no way to "deal with it" really

Some kinds of ignorance just can't be educated away, only avoided.

[Heidi]

4. Here's a related DU thread from 2008,

although I'm not sure the asshole who sent you that email _can_ be shut up. The question says a lot about his character.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3394176

[elocs]

5. How would you shut him up? If it were reversed, how would he shut you up?

To you, he is an asshole, but to him you are likely to be equally considered to me an asshole. He is as equally convinced he is right as you are. You cannot shut him up, but you can ignore him. Also, racism is deeply ingrained and changing from that is not like changing someone's position on healthcare. To truly accomplish that would take something far greater than shutting him up. Just ignore him, put him on your spam list.

[Dorian Gray]

6. Ugh...

I feel you pain. I have the same issue with my Mother In Law.

I tend to ignore and avoid.

[no_hypocrisy]

7. Your best "weapon": humor.

If not for the benefit of the situation, then for yourself.

A quick story.

My brother had converted to Sufiism, mystical Islam and held off telling our father until the night of his wedding to another Sufi disciple. I was fine with it, had attended some services, and nobody forced me.

Our father freaked out. From Jew to Muslim was a leap for him. Equated my brother joining Hamas with a mission to kill his father. That kind of BS.

Looking for allies, Dad came to me. He rhetorically asked, "Did you see that photo on the wall?" (It was the Haj in moonlight with millions of white linen backs in prayer.) Yes, I did. "Don't you think it's terrible?" "No, it isn't." "Why not?" "When you're Muslim, you only need to go to the Haj once in your life. If you had to go every year, it would be terrible."

Deflated, Dad tried a new line of "reasoning". "What would you think of me if I joined the Nazi Party?" "I don't think they accept Jews, Dad." He kept going. "What would you think of me if I joined the Ku Klux Klan?"

A pause for timing and I answered: "Dad, Number One. You'll always be my father." Pause Two and a sigh. "Number Two: I'll always be your daughter . . . " Last pause. "Number Three: Don't expect me to help you burn a cross."

Notwithstanding this great punchline, my father moved away from me and didn't mess with me for the rest of the night. Don't get me wrong. He still sat in the last row of chairs the next day when my brother married to show his bigotry, but we didn't care.

Use humor to keep your sanity.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. Wonder if I know your brother

I'm a member of a Universal Sufi order, and at my marriage we read a passage from the Torah. In fact, a lot of the Sufi folks I know come from Jewish families. Murshid S.A.M. the first American Sufi master, came from a Jewish household (his birth name was Samuel L. Lewis). Give your brother my salaams.

[no_hypocrisy]

16. My brother's leader is Sidi Shaykh Muhammad Sa‘id al-Jamal ar-Rifa‘i ash-Shadhuli.

http://www.sufiheart.com/ourguide/sidisbio.htm

I've met him twice and you can feel the energy in his hands. An amazing man. He grew up with the late King Hussein of Jordan.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

17. Not of my order

but I know Rafais. Theirs is a healing order. Haven't met this Shaykh, but I understand what you are saying about energy. The Shaykhs and Pirs (another title for a head of an order) are indeed wonderful and amazing. Thank you for posting, and my salaams to you as well as your brother. :hi:

[47of74]

8. Can you block him?

Aside from ignoring him, another option that some mail services provide is an option to block him from sending emails to you at all. I know Yahoo does this with their mail service, allows users to specify either addresses or domains that they can refuse to accept delivery of messages from. It'd be something to check with the email service you use if it reaches the point where you want to cut off all contact from this relative.

[RandomThoughts]

9. Get a tape recording of children talking, some black some white.

Play them for him one at a time, and ask him which ones deserve dignity and respect. And which ones should be treated badly.

Or have him turn away from the TV when a show is on, then while he listens to the conversations have him tell you when someone should be ignored because of the color of his skin.

Or have him read posts on the Internet, any page about anything, flowers, sports, cars, or anything not about race or culture. And have him tell you which opinions are good and which are bad based on the color of the skin of the writer.

If he reads something by a person of color, thinks its cool, then finds out it was a black person that wrote it, he probably would get mad at you for what he would call tricking him. But actually he would be defending his need to not think about what he is doing, using anger to hide his thought on how he feels. He would then probably move from racism to culturalism or classism making the argument that certain groups are all bad because of different culture or more poverty, usually stereotyped by groups by many people like how you described him. So find episodes youtube clips of poor white people and ask him same questions above. And try to break his stereotyping of black people as lesser people.

Maybe you could send him thoughts that are interesting every time he sends you an email. Not political, just thoughts you find interesting written by people that are not the same race he thinks is best, then after a few, you could have a conversation with him.

Just a few ideas.

Edit: If he identifies a black person by recognizing the voice on tv, even while not looking, and says they should not be listened to. Ask him what they said that was bad. He probably would not even be listening to what was said and just trying to pick up cultural hints on the persons color.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. I'd tell him

That I totally disagree with his outlook, and that you would appreciate it if he would NOT send you things like this. If he continues to send them, you will be forced to block his emails, and that would be a shame because you would like to keep him up to date on family matters.

This is assuming you are not black and that your significant other /or children are not black. If this is the case, you may wish to do what I did when a friend thoughtlessly sent me a "cute" photo and didn't read the last part that said basically all Muslims should be killed. I told her the joke part was funny, but that I disagree with the last part, because all Muslims aren't terrorists and don't deserve to die--I thought I was a fairly decent individual, and as a Muslim I didn't wish death on anyone. Never got another one of those types of emails again.

[CrispyQ]

12. Our country is successful? We're bankrupt, both financially & morally.

I am not fond of Dennis Miller, but before he went completely bonkers, he had a rant on his HBO show about racism & ended by saying, "It's stupid to hate someone for the color of their skin. If you spend just five minutes talking to them, you'll find plenty of valid reasons to hate them."

I think your best bet is to limit your discussions with this family member. You won't change their mind. My mother was a right winger & we were discussing an issue one day & she didn't have any facts at all. When I told her the facts, she replied, "The facts aren't going to change how I feel." This is what you're up against. They come around on their own, or they don't, but they rarely change their perspective because of anything we tell them.

Save your breath.

[Iggo]

13. Tell his mother.

[BlooInBloo]

14. Wait for him to die.

Pros: Guaranteed effective.
Cons: Takes awhile.

[guitar man]

15. A 2x4 to the side of the head

...works wonders :hi:

[pipi_k]

18. I agree with

the person above who asked why you would want to shut this person up.

You can't.

You have options...you can ignore all his emails....you can read them and ignore the ones you find offensive...you can tell him he's entitled to his opinion but that you don't agree and you don't want to receive any more similar emails from him.

But you can never "shut him up"

:shrug:

[ThomWV]

19. A simple note telling him to cram it up his ass should suffice.