Pentagon: Troops to Remain in Iraq From Now On - satire

[NNN0LHI]

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i17315

Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced through the Pentagon that American forces now serving in Iraq will be ordered to extend their tours of duty, stay there from now and never come home.

President Bush praised Gates' decision. "It was actually MY decision", Bush said.

In the past some soldiers had complained of poor food, living in tents in 100 degree heat, no sex, infrequent contact with loved ones, inadequate washroom facilities, no alcohol allowed and being under the constant threat of imminent death. Bush dismissed those complaints.

"Tell them to stop being such babies", Bush told a reporter this afternoon. "They sign up to serve their country and there's no timetable on that".

"We expect all soldiers to extend their tour of duty for the remainder of their natural lives", Gates said to a reporter this afternoon. "It's very expensive for us to keep sending troops in and out, in and out, in and out. It's much cheaper and more efficient just to leave them there".

[Bigmack]

1. Not really all that satirical... nt

nt

[Captain Angry]

2. Especially when you have family there, and they just got extended. Again.

Or is it again, again.

It might be the third extension, just the first one that happened this month.

First it was the 90 day stop loss.
Then it was the one year involuntary extension to the enlistment.
Now it's the 90 days "well you're already there" extension.

Fantastico.

[Bigmack]

3. Sounds like you...

have some knowledge of the situation.

Are you hearing anything about anybody fragging the officers?

[Captain Angry]

4. Nope.

My brother hardly ever calls.

He calls his wife once in a while, but very little contact.

He signed up for 5 years, got handed a 6th, and now gets to stay even longer.

I don't know anything about the officer ranks, other than they hold back medals through some quota system. My brother's vehicle got hit with an IED, concussions and bleeding all around. No purple hearts or any other kind of documentation of the incident because the officer didn't want to do the paperwork.

It must suck to sit in a safe air-conditioned building on a permanent base and have to fill out paperwork on the guys actually outside the perimeter doing the job.

I have no idea how this is permanently affecting my brother, and can't begin to find out until they let him come home. He had a couple of weeks leave back in December/January, but he spent most of it with his wife. I took every opportunity to fill him full of steak and make him think of anything but going back.

[Bigmack]

6. I've sat here....

for 10 minutes trying to think of something positive to say about your brother's situation.

The only thing positive I can think of is to tell you that I made it back from Vietnam OK.... your brother can make it back, too. There will be some really tough times, and it won't ever go away entirely, but you can get your brother back. Love him up and feed him steak.... that's a good start.

[Captain Angry]

7. Thanks.

I spent 10 minutes trying to word that previous post in a way that didn't completely depress me as well.

I'm glad he's a good kid and that he has something to look forward to when he gets home.

I've been "joking" with him and my parents several times that if he gets leave that I'm drugging him and hiding him in a friend's basement in Canada. He's above that sort of thing. I'm not.

With all the surveillance we all might be under, I have to be careful what I say when I'm on the phone with my dad. The last two times we've spoken about it (since the 90 day extension was announced), I've mentioned that something better happen soon or I'm going to start torching buildings. I'm of course kidding, but this is a new helplessness that I've never had to deal with.

[krispos42]

5. In related news, the entire US Army turns gay overnight...

Bound to happen eventually.

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

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