Bullied to death...

[Subdivisions]

Teenage suicide preceded by bullying at school has come to my town:

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpp/news/Family_Bullied_Teen_Commits_S

Needless to say, the town is heartbroken and people are discussing bullying in the checkout at HEB and around town. I was bullied and I'm sure many of you were too. We must teach our kids that this is what bullying can lead to. I'm profoundly saddened at the loss of young Hunter. He was made fun of for facial injuries he suffered in an car accident when he was toddler.

Hunter was laid to rest today. :cry: May he rest in everlasting peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWJut7KQhI4

[SDuderstadt]

1. We certainly agree on this, Subdivisions....

what is HEB, though?

[Subdivisions]

6. Hi SDuderstadt. It's a regional grocery store chain...

Even though I did not know Hunter this has hit me hard, as it has the whole town.

[SDuderstadt]

10. Does HEB stand for...

H.E. Butt grocery chain?

And, speaking of suicide (and from the vantage point of one who has suffered a suicide in my family), I would say without question, that I am haunted by every one I have heard of, whether I knew the person or not. My condolences to your entire town, my friend.

[Subdivisions]

12. Yes...

H. E. Butt. Lol, for the longest time I thought the HEB stood for Hurst-Euless-Bedford, which are three suburbs in the DFW Metroplex that are routinely referred to as "H-E-B".

I too am haunted when I hear about a suicide, though I have been fortunate not to have experienced it closely in my life. Thank you, my friend, for your condolences.

[SDuderstadt]

22. I know this has hit you pretty hard...

buddy. Are you doing okay? If not, you know where to find us.

[Subdivisions]

29. Thank you, Sdude. I'll be ok. And,

I do know where to find you and I'll be along soon enough I'm sure. :)

[SDuderstadt]

30. Just wanted to make sure, buddy....

hang in there.

[SDuderstadt]

31. Self-delete...dupe

[Dinger]

64. Hugs To You SDuderstadt

I too have had a family member commit suicide. Twenty two years ago, and it seems like yesterday.

[SDuderstadt]

65. Thanks, Dinger...

not a single day goes by that I don't think about it. It devastated my entire family.

[Jkid]

2. Yet another suicide.

:rant:

Despite this teen played football, a manly sport, he is still bullied because of scar on his forehead. He has bullied for that, despite being in a football team.

Every human has a limit, and this one has reached his. But the bullying will not stop at that school, until they removed the bullies.

To my point of view, suicide prevention helplines may help persuade the victim to not commit suicide, but it will not get rid of the toxic environment he had to deal with: the school itself.

If the school knew about, he would not have committed suicide.

It will never end, despite columbine, despite several suicides, despite lawsuits, it will never end and it won't stop.

:rant:

[Barack_America]

3. God damn it. What a beautiful boy.

:cry:

[Pharlo Finesworth]

8. What you said.

It was just right.
:cry:

[BrklynLiberal]

4. How horribly sad to think that a young person would find life so diiffcult that

he would rather kill themselves than face any more of it.. :(

[Brickbat]

5. Oh, that poor kid. What a great smile. His family is in my thoughts. RIP, Hunter.

nt

[SusanaMontana41]

73. You speak for me

Condolences to Hunter's family and friends.

[RKP5637]

7. This is so sad and tragically many are going down that same road.

My feeling is the US has really turned into a nation of bullies and hatred for the most part... certainly not everyone, but not a small number.

[Yehonala]

26. Down the Hole

"My feeling is the US has really turned into a nation of bullies and hatred for the most part... certainly not everyone, but not a small number."

The education system is now based on being able to socialize. It's no wonder we are going to Hell. All these bright, smart kids are being tormented by fucking sadists and the sadists are getting away with it.

[Betty Karlson]

56. You've got one political party

that defines 'opposition' as bullying the duly elected president with anything they can come up with. With examples like that; with anti-intellectualism being celebrated; with debate replaced by shouting matches, is it any wonder children are driven to the point of suicide? And the situation is only aggravated when parents have to work 2.5 jobs to pay for the family's needs: it means no-one is there when the child needs someone to talk to - or when his bulies need to be talked to.

The problem is NOT the parents. It's NOT even 'the system'. It's an entire culture gone wrong. (And I will not take those words back.)

[RKP5637]

57. Absolutely True! It's an entire culture gone wrong!

I have no idea where this is ending, especially the celebration of ignorance by many. The culture is failing in so many areas and what stuns me is the celebration of its failure by the political party "that defines 'opposition' as bullying the duly elected president with anything they can come up with."

And, outfits like Fox News who I think is working to destroy the culture by feeding anti-intellectualism and the emotions of ignorant masses while they pad their pockets with cash from their hateful misleading broadcasting.

It is a very bad recipe all the way around. American has sadly become its own worst enemy.

[fortyfeetunder]

9. Rest in peace young Hunter

I am just sad for this young life cut short. And for those in the community who allowed the bullying to happen. Hope this wears on those who are guilty.

[Subdivisions]

28. I've heard nothing as to who was doing the bullying but

they know who they are and I hope they're giving themselves alot of thought in the wake of this tragedy.

[MindPilot]

50. They don't...that is part of the problem.

Bullies are incapable of empathy. If they were, they wouldn't be bullies.

[DoctorMyEyes]

11. His poor, poor parents

To have a child survive what must have been a serious car accident - to have their prayers answered that he recover and then to lose him just a few years later over something so damned pointless... It just sickens me.

[Rosa Luxemburg]

13. It's awful

not enough is being done

[Yehonala]

79. It's NOT Like It Used To Be

It's not like how it used to be. Bullying is getting malicious, systematic, and deadly even. Years ago it was confined to school and pranks were mild. It ended when you went to the real world because it was generally accepted that good grades, self discipline, and a work ethic was the most vital. The problem is that so many teachers are so concentrated on 'toughening up' schoolkids that they foget that the quiet, bookish, restrained ones are the toughest, just not in the macho, loud piggish way.

In places like China and Asia where they have a deep respect for education and the 'geeks' there aren't discipline problems and there is no bullying. Teachers whip the student and the student gets whipped when they go home for dishonoring their parents. In the fifties, farmboys that weighed as much as two hundred, all muscle didn't have the guts to talk back or even look at the teacher the wrongs way. Too many people are obsessed with toughening up kids for some delusional version of the real world where attitude, not the resume that counts.

There are a lot of kids with what I refer to as "Vintage" personalities that will fit in better in a cosmopolitan setting, not in suburbia on the farm. There are too many stupid idiots out there who are getting away with so much that it's damaging the ability of our citizenry to go out, find a place to fit in in this country, and then life a fulfilling life. How the hell are these bullies supposed to survive other than destroying this country? Bullies have ot be nipped in the bud in school or through some boot camp where they will learn discipline and leave the quieter students free to study in a fear free environment.

We're losing too many kids and it's getting to a point where normally well behaved students are lashing out and then, ironically, getting punished for defending themsleves. No wonder grades are slipping and we're falling behind. Kids are so busy defending themselves that they can't concentrate on studying. I was bullied mercilessly in my interior design class in tenth grade and I literally flunked my biology class.

[Gwendolyn]

14. So very sad. It only a few more years it would've been behind him...

and he'd be out in the world with a movie star name and a gorgeous smile, with his whole life ahead of him. What a shame and a waste of a life.

I don't think bullying can ever be contained or stopped either. Many kids are too afraid or ashamed to tell anyone and suffer terribly in silence.

[Roon]

18. I blame the teachers too

they tend to look the other way..even after columbine.

[Odin2005]

33. In my case some of the teachers WERE bullies!

:grr:

[Dawson Leery]

66. Same here.

My junior high/middle school years is where I noticed this the most.

[Gwendolyn]

39. I agree. When I went to school, some teachers even subtly contributed to it.

That was before columbine, but doesn't look like much has changed.

[teacher gal]

75. I am so very sorry

and yes, what a beautiful boy. I am a parent as well as a teacher and I cannot even imagine the pain of losing a child. Especially this way.

But please, don't broadbrush schools and teachers. Generally speaking, our schools are overwhelmed in dealing with societal ills as well as trying to educate children. That does not mean that it is EVER ok to tolerate or turn a blind eye to bullying.

At the school where I teach (elementary), we do have an anti-bullying program and bullying simply isn't tolerated. I am a special education teacher and the vast majority of our students go to great lengths to demonstrate respect and kindness toward students with disabilities.

If in this case it is true that the school and teachers looked the other way, that is clearly inexcusable. But do we know this?

As for Columbine, a teacher died there trying to protect students.

[Yehonala]

25. Schools Are Like Concentration Camps

Schools are becoming emotional and psychological concentration camps. The problem is that while he only had a few more years, at the same time there is only so much a person can take until they have to do something desperate. We say he only had a few more years, but considering all he was going through, I don't think he thought he would be able to make it.

To think, we all have only one life and he cut his short. He's with God and Jesus, but he's left so much behind and didn't get to have the earthly joys that only living as a human that one can experience. I hope his tormenters are already on the path to Hell.

[Odin2005]

34. "Schools are like concentration camps" Exactly!

[davsand]

48. Yep, the schools are bad, but the issue is societal.

No doubt, the schools are warehouses for kids, rife with antisocial behavior. There have been more than a few times when my 12 year old daughter has come home in tears over crap that has happened in that school, in the lunchroom, on the bus, and even IN the CLASSROOM. I find that when I give her advice on how to deal with it, I really AM offering up commentary that is probably most suited to a max security facility.

The biggest upsets, however, have been the social events that go on outside the school that the parents of those kids have sponsored and signed off on. You know--the parties where all but a couple kids are invited--or maybe the overnights where the kids sit and text the ones who were not on the elite guest list. They tell the omitted ones (via the cell phones that the parents pay for) how wonderful it is, and how glad they are the omitted one is not there...

Makes me ill, but that is a reality.

Something else at work here, is the reality that even IF a kid knows about a classmate in trouble--maybe they have overheard a kid talk about or threaten suicide at lunch or on the bus--there really IS no place to go to get that kid help. The schools say they have counselors or concerned adults on staff, but the kids have NO idea what to do or how to do it. There is a pressure not to "tell" and there is a worry that they are gonna make it even worse on the poor kid who is already pretty damn unhappy.

Jr and Sr High are a huge hormone bath to begin with, but it is even more of mess because we (as a society) do a horrible job helping our kids deal with any sort of mental health issues while they are unstable themselves.



Laura

[Fumesucker]

63. A year looks a lot different to someone that age..

Time goes by faster the older we get, at young teen years a year seems like a very long time indeed.

[artfan]

15. I have a son his age

who is also a freshman in high school this year. He chose to attend a charter school an hour and a half away to avoid 'the jerks' who attend the local school around the corner. He loves school this year but I can not help but wonder if he would have ended up like Hunter if he did not have this option.

[sagetea]

19. Oh My

That is so similar to what my daughter has been thru...she was...different, her smile left,she asked me about why she felt like she wanted to die, it was bad, everything was so bad, the kids were calling the house and threatening her, I had to do something.I tried the school officials, the police what a joke they were, nobody cared! so I pulled her out of the public school and we commute 45 miles. She is so much happier, I am so glad I did it!

This poor child...oh my
My heart is just breaking...I hope his family finds peace.

ho,
sage

[JohnnyLib2]

16. Terribly sad.

[HelenWheels]

17. Every kid that stood by and watched him get bullied

is as guilty as the bullies themselves. The school district, I would bet, had no meaningful anti-bullying program - I hope the family sues their asses, although this was in Texas and they probably think it's the victims fault.

[Posteritatis]

21. Schools like to punish the victim as much as the bully at times

Things got pretty ugly along those lines the year after Columbine. It's toned down lately, but you can still get expelled in a lot of schools merely for having been attacked.

[Hoopla Phil]

27. It's easier for the schools that way.

[HelenWheels]

38. They like to label self defense as a fight

makes it nice and easy to deal with - assholes

[Posteritatis]

42. Often don't even need to do the defense part

A few years back, if someone went up to a student in my neck of the woods and decked them, unprovoked and without the attacked student even trying to defend himself, the victim was as likely as the assailant to be punished. More likely, under some principals.

The situation's better now (to a point), but yargh.

[Odin2005]

68. I almost got suspended because I beat the shit out of a bully.

Only my mom raising hell at the school saved me from being suspended.

[Le Taz Hot]

71. That happened to me as well.

'Course it was like 150 years ago but some gal RAN and pushed me from behind . . . for absolutely NO reason (I was minding my own business, walking to class, had never even had reason to talk to her). Her face ended up getting REAL up close and personal with a locker (never fuck with a street kid). They suspended me for the rest of the day but my mom (the one and ONLY time she ever stuck up for me) went down to the school and raised hell. They suspended the other girl for 2 weeks but I got to come back the next day.

This was one situation where the bully was alone. However, I was the victim of racial bullying and pretty much got my ass kicked at least 3 days a week while just trying to walk home from school. Five against one isn't real good odds but I got my licks in when I could. I never reported it as being a snitch would have made it a thousand times worse for me. Luckily, we moved away from that district.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

60. there is only one effective anti-bullying program anywhere

it is called prosecution and incarceration.

My high school had an enormous bullying problem and the most idiotic anti-bullying policy imaginable that was basically making sure the bullies didn't get in any serious trouble so they could turn their lives around.

[invictus]

20. K&R

[MadMaddie]

23. May he RIP!

This is why there is a need for “anti-bullying” laws. The kids that did this are doing it to other kids. And this is in TX where bully's rule the roost. I grew up in TX and I saw a lot of this.

The schools are over crowded and they often dismiss complaints by kids that come to them.

What a terrible shame.

[Yehonala]

24. Corporal Punishment

"“anti-bullying” laws"

We need to whip these bullying thugs within an inch of their lives and do it publicly. I am going to get flamed for this, but I wonder how many of the victims of Columbine were bullying the killers. I am sick of all these moron teachers living in denial and just ripping and ripping and ripping at kids who are different one way or another and these pigs thrive on making life a daily torment for so many innocents.

Talking doesn't work, conferences don't work, meetings with the bullies' parents don't work, are we so surprised that kids end up being shooters and killing their classmates.

[MindPilot]

55. I agree with you and welcome to DU!

I have to admit my very first thought when I read that was "too bad it wasn't a homicide."

That's the other extreme of course and not a viable solution, but--given that bullies are not capable of normal human feelings; a good beatdown is the only thing they understand--if their victims were free to mete out whatever level of violence they felt necessary to stop the problem, bullies would be a little more careful about who they picked on.

[Yehonala]

61. Thanks

I wish students who defend themselves would first get praise, support, and then the teacher would take over flogging the bully.

[Odin2005]

32. Schools hardly do ANYTHING to stop bullying.

And when students try and defend themselves they are suspended. If this is what the critics of homeschooling call "socialization" well fuck "socialization".

[aikoaiko]

35. Too sad for words....

...for me this morning.

I'm going to give my four year old a big hug and tell him I love him just the way he is.

[maddezmom]

36. heartbreaking

RIP Hunter. :cry:

[Sheepshank]

37. devastatingly sad

that those kids should have brought another human being to this.

I was bullied horribly in school. We were poor and I wore dowdy clothes. I was an easy target. I worry should any of that type of treatment come down on my kids. But I have a game plan. If the school and the parents are unable to intervene appropriately, I will hire an attorney and serve harassments papers/civil suit, (with compensation designed to hurt) on the parents of the bullies...maybe even the school. They have 24 hours to ensure the kid is moved to another school or apologizes and never is caught hurting my child again. Otherwise the civil suit continues. No spreading rumors, no physical retaliation, nothing, and no contact other than the apology.

Of course this is assuming I will even know and my kids will confide that they are being bullied. I can't try to fix anything if I don't know. Right now our relationships are open and friendly...but we haven't hit the teen years...I can only hope it stays this way.

[seabeyond]

40. there are always going to be bullies. today, i think more so. rampant in culture. BUT

i think as parents there is another angle we need to address with our children. not only DO NOT bully. but... when a kid is being bully, stand up and speak out.

my kids get along pretty well in their schools. so they dont get bullied. but they have support from those that like them. and when a bully starts up, they have learned and gained confidence that if they will side with kid being bullied, others will too. and help defuse. even if they dont aprticularly like the kid, it is the bullying they stand up to

if more parents would teach this to kids also, then they gain a courage and will be addressed from a different perspective too.

[G_j]

41. Doesn't help that adults seem to have grown meaner, and hard hearted.

That my perception, anyway. There is a lot of accepted bullying in the adult world.

[Posteritatis]

43. It's practically encouraged among students, too

You see a bullying discussion show up in most places and there's all kinds of parents saying it's not a problem, or they turned out fine when they were bullied (usually to a vastly lesser degree), or it's actually a good thing, etc.

Most of my own attitude about the correct response to bullies is, ah, not very popular here, but suffice it to say those parents wouldn't care for it.

[G_j]

44. gotta be "thick skinned", empathy is weakness

ridicule is cool, if it's 'funny' and 'clever'.

[seabeyond]

45. ridicule is cool, if it's 'funny' and 'clever'.... we promote this socially all the time in this

culture and is often defended on du. oversensitive. teasing. it is a joke.

then we tell our kids that is not the way

very inconsistent and children dont do inconsistent very well.

[Posteritatis]

46. There's lines to be drawn, to be sure

But I'd say following someone around school all day roughing them up constantly is on the "not the way" side, no matter where the rest of it lies. That is the sort of thing I regularly see parents defending.

[seabeyond]

51. i agree. i started the answer to your post agreeing iwth that, then shfted

i dont know how many times i hear, right of passage, we all had to go thru it, just being boys, girls, should toughen up.

watching it now in the boys school

[G_j]

47. certainly not a new thing at all for humans

to laugh at other's suffering. BUT, when it becomes culturally acceptable and even admired when it is done "well", the culture would appear to be going backwards.

[seabeyond]

52. agreed. nt

[Posteritatis]

54. Who's doing it matters too

Newcomers to my circle of friends are convinced three or four of us despise each other with the way we talk, but we mainly got in the habit of using each other as mental whetstones for kicks back in high school and kept up with it since. I'd say things to a few of my best friends entirely in jest that I'd fully and rightly expect to get damaged for if I said them to most other people...

[G_j]

58. your friends have given you permission to joke in that way

You have a sort of agreement. It's already accepted that you are not being malicious or threatening.

[Posteritatis]

62. Exactly

I think a lot of people pooh-poohing genuine bullying don't get that there can be a distinction made there.

[Odin2005]

67. Especially with boys.

I was the "quiet, sensitive boy" when I was a kid; lead to incessant teasing, bullying and accusations of being gay

[RKP5637]

59. Agree!!!

[bertman]

49. Sad to say, it's our societal values at work. The same assholes who feel free to go to a

town hall meeting and shout down anyone who disagrees with them are some of the ones who, BY THEIR OWN EXAMPLE, encourage bullying.

This crosses all the boundaries of income, race, ethnicity, religion, and education-level as far as I can tell. There is simply a lack of empathy and compassion that translates into a need to dominate someone who is too weak or outnumbered to fight back.

I have seen parents of high-schoolers who chalked up their kid's arrogant, bullying persona to some kind of badge of manliness or strength. They reinforced the behavior by their own petty actions or their sense of inferiority that needed bolstering by being able to have a dominant child. That kind of attitude is transmitted directly and forcefully to their child as being a desirable character trait.

What bothers me most about this type of behavior is that it goes unpunished on a societal level. Often the worst perpetrators are the parents who themselves are the intimidating types that no one wants to challenge.

It's too bad that it will probably take laws and punishment to solve a problem that could be dealt with effectively at home or by observant, well-trained school administrators--including and especially athletic coaches. It used to be that the image of the American was the guy who stood up for the weakest among us, but that appears to have become the guy who grinds the weak person's face into the ground.

[Echo In Light]

78. Ignorant, belligerent haters perceive intelligence and compassion as 'weakness'

Although many of that ilk consider themselves to be superior on all counts. What's scary is how this type of hater seeks out middle management positions in the work force so they can continue to play favorites and punish those they hate for whatever reason ... usually what different people represent and symbolize to them. One can find moderate DUers who take the exact same approach with those they neurotically hate: "loony" Left, and Conspiracy Theorists.

[proud patriot]

53. I hate bullies

How utterly tragic ,, what a handsome young man .:cry:

[RKP5637]

69. Sadly they've been with most of us in grade school, high school, college and now in politics!

To me, most republicans are bullies... at least the ones I see and know. The moderates are OK, but they seem to be a disappearing breed in the republican party. We, as a nation, still do not want to do much about it, it appears to me. It is a culture that seems to be growing in this country, the bullying culture. I often think the US also bullies other nations.

PS: I hate bullies too... I really get tired of their level of immaturity.

[GreenPartyVoter]

70. Oh, God. :^( I so understand what it's like to be bullied. I am so sorry he

was tormented that way and my heart goes out to the family and friends he leaves behind. :cry:

[Kievan Rus]

72. There was a lot of bullying in my high school -- I know where this is coming from

Bullying was endemic in my high school. My neighborhood was a place where a lot (but clearly not all) of the people were conceited and very materialistic. The majority of the people in the "in crowd" at my high school were very materialistic, selfish and rather intolerant. They hated and antagonized pretty much anybody that didn't toe their line and didn't think the way they did. Furthermore, there weren't many minorities in our high school and several of them were openly racist, with many more openly sexist and homophobic. In my honest opinion, the high school "in crowd" is merely a much more civilized version of the KKK.

Stuff like this goes on way too much. Very sad.

[rollingrock]

74. Bullying a little handicapped boy?

how low can you get? it was never that bad when I was in school.

[OnTheOtherHand]

76. "...told him, '“if I had a face like yours I’d shoot myself.'"

Wow.

Kids can be so quintessentially cruel.

[Dorian Gray]

77. So sad.

Bullying is a horrible thing, and that it lead to this child's death is tragic.

[AspenRose]

80. This is heartbreaking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE5yINOn4N4&NR=1

[wildbilln864]

81. kick for john nt