Ten million bloody plastic eyeballs, by Mark Morford

[madokie]

Ten million bloody plastic eyeballs
Hello, Chinese factory worker! Thank you for my little bag of spiders
By Mark Morford

My first impulse was the little bloodshot eyeballs.

At least a bag or two of them, maybe 100 tiny plastic eyeball toys that were actually little bottles of bubble-blowing soap (hey neat!), but then I realized I bought some of those for my Halloween party last year and they weren't all that great, a bit of a dud really; the tiny bubble-blowing ring thing didn't really work, the soapy goop leaked all over and you pretty much had to give up after a few tries and go back to your drink, as you thought, "Dammit, why can't someone make a decent, tiny, bloody eyeball bubble-blowing toy in this modern day and age?" Which is, when you think about it, sort of weird.

I also passed over all the "creepy" motion-activated candy bowls, the cheesy light-up black cats and the full-sized plastic skeletons. Mostly I stuck with the basics, a couple bags of shredded cotton "spider web," a bunch of plastic spiders, some black and silver tinsel stuff and, OK fine, one bag of marble-sized plastic skulls. Because you can never really have too many tiny plastic skulls. I mean, obviously.

Last, but not least, I loaded up my gaping Target shopping cart with nearly a dozen of those ridiculous pumpkin carving "kits" that are probably worth about 34 cents but costs $4 because you're a sucker and it says "Pumpkin Masters" on it and claims to be "America's Favorite," and when you serve alcohol and everyone's laughing and half naked and well lubricated, you want to have as many cheap plastic serrated knives that break in about two minutes as you can find. I mean, obviously. ...



(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/10/21/notes102109.DTL&nl=fix)

[panader0]

1. No Halloween decorations around my house THank God

I live out in the boonies and in 30 years I never had a trick or treater.

[jayfish]

2. That's It! Morford Has Gone Too Far!

Don't ever dis the Pumpkin Master kits. ...ever! They frick'en rock! I used two of them last night with my kids and one of them was from last year. So there, they don't break. He and his drunken guests just don't know how to do it right. I think I detect a little jealousy in there too. Jealousy over the fact that when it really counted. When it really mattered. All that junk wasn't unavailable during his prime Halloween years. I remember Mark. I remember drawing the freehand face. The triangle eyes. The square tooth mouth. I remember the steak knife. ...overshooting every stinking line and hoping for the best but watching as the worst unfolded. I remember the disappointment over the finished product. Asking myself over and over. "Do I really want to throw this thing on the front porch for the whole neighborhood to see"? I remember the satisfaction of watching the squirrels or kids with baseball bats finally put the thing out of it's misery. So, Mark, don't take your years of tainted memories out on my kids. They don't deserve it.


;)


Jay

[SpiralHawk]

3. Now this is sCarY

[madokie]

4. kick

[gatorboy]

5. Want American made? Here you go:

Crochet Vampire BITE silk cashmere necklace.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=32134125

All hand made from recycled yarn by Mrs. Gator :)

[Gold Metal Flake]

6. OH! If my wife were not alergic to wool I would oder that now!

Funny!

[gatorboy]

7. Sorry to hear she's allergic, GMF.

I'm amazed at how many of these are going as Christmas gifts! :rofl:

[juno jones]

8. That's cool.

:thumbsup: to Mrs. Gator!

[gatorboy]

9. Thanks!

I'll pass it along to her. :hi: