Do you cry when your relatives die? How about when mine die?

[theboss]

I'm giving this its own post, because it is something I think about. And, frankly, I'm tired of being told I'm a callous jerk for being more affected by events in Virginia than by events in Iraq.

As humans, are we supposed to experience the same level of grief for every tragedy? Or are we conditioned to treat each event specifically and react based on our connection to it.

At this point, most of my feelings on Iraq are tied up into anger and frustration. I certainly feel sorry for the people suffering and dying there, but there are people suffering and dying all over the world. It's just that in Iraq, my country's policies have led to this. I don't have a real connection to the people themselves other than just through general shared humanity.

The events in Blacksburg - to use a horribly cliched line - hit closer to home. Literally. I live in Virginia. I know people in Blacksburg. My neighbors are big-time alums. As a WVU fan, I have a rivalry with that school - a connection.

Shouldn't I feel more for it? Or should I react to all tragedies the same?

As I said in another thread, isn't this just part of the human condition. In the movies, we hardly blink when an entire city is destroyed, but God forbid something happen to Will Smith.

Or maybe I am wired incorrectly. That's always possible.

[Tyler Durden]

1. All pain is relative, especially if it happens to your relatives.

Trite, but true.

I don't think less of people like you, but I do get VERY pissed off at Bushites who want to lead the "Domestic Grief Festival" while over 200 got wasted in Iraq this morning.

[ClassWarrior]

2. If raising the question makes people...

...examine their attitudes toward the Iraq occupation - especially for the first time - then I'm all for raising the question. Even if it is purely academic.

NGU.

[Ron Green]

3. Maybe one of your tasks as a human being is to

understand how the lives in Iraq and in Darfur and everywhere else are just as important as those in Blacksburg, and just as deserving of your grief. It's a hard task, but maybe it's what we're supposed to accomplish.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

9. "Deserving of grief" is a misconception, I think.

Grieving isn't something you do for other people's benefit, it's something you do because you can't helpe it. It doesn't help anyone, it's not meritorious, any more than healing is.

You should try and value the lives of strangers, but that's no reason to grieve for their deaths.

You have a duty to try and prevent my death; you don't have a duty to feel any emotion over it.

[Marrah_G]

14. It's not about importance.

As human beings we will always react more to something close to us. We intellectually understand and have empathy for people far away who are hurting but we will never feel the level of grief their friends and families do. That is simply a fact.

If my child dies you may feel sad and even shed a tear, but you probably won't fall asleep clutching his picture every night for a year. That is the difference.

[madokie]

4. whats possible is death and or destruction makes me sad no matter who or where

[Midlodemocrat]

5. You're not a callous jerk. You're human.

And, I agree with you.

I deplore the violence in Iraq and can't bear to look at the photos of the dead and injured children, but what happened at Tech hit home with me as well. We know a ton of kids there; I'm in Virginia also.

And, I don't think there is anything wrong with grieving something that hits so close to home more than grieving something that is halfway around the world for a few days. Or weeks.

Those of us who want to stop the war will go back to grieving the Iraqis. But, today, Wednesday the 18th of April, it's Tech's turn. At least for me.

[bryant69]

6. I agree

I'll say something else; morality should not be reliant on an emotional response. Contrariwise having an emotional response to a situation does not make you a moral person. I don't support withdrawing from Iraq because I feel sorry for the Iraqi people or even our own troops; I support withdrawing from Iraq because it's the right thing to do.

Bryant
Check it out--> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[AuntPatsy]

7. Interesting, I can understand where your coming from, its almost

as if we have become somewhat disensetised towards most human suffering because it is so rampant or perhaps in hindsight it is just easier to mourn those closer to home which at leaves us feeling at least somewhat human and compasionate so that others can view us in that light, is it so important to us what others think?...

[H2O Man]

8. Recently there

was a murder in a local community. I had known both the victim and the killer. There was a connection to my last place of employment. I spoke to the mother of the victim about 4 hours before her daughter's body was found. Thus, I felt more of a connection to that crime than I did to any of the murders that I read about, heard about on the radio, or saw being reported on the news that week.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

10. Have you ever danced a fast french waltz? One-two-three-Two-two-three?

That's about how fast people die.

I don't grieve for them, and it wouldn't help them if I did.

Grieving isn't something you do to help other people, any more than healing is - it's an emotional response to things.

The idea than one should ever deliberately try to grieve, or that one has a duty to do so, is a weird one.

[Matsubara]

11. Yes, with one codicil.

For the most part, I don't weep for the deaths of Iraqis like I would my own kin. Even for our own GIs - I just plain don't know them personally.

So you are right, but it is important to ALWAYS keep in mind that Iraqis or people of any other country or culture are just as shattered by the loss of their loved ones and homes as we are by ours.

That's why Mike Malloys show on the night of "shock & awe" affected me so deeply. He played several minutes of just the sound of the explosions, and all I could do was envision mysels, huddled under a table in a darkened house listening in terror, praying that the next one didn't hit OUR house as my two small kids cried. It filled me with a sadness and rage at what "we" were doing that I could not describe.


So yeah, what you're saying is okay. Nobody expects you to feel it as much when it's "them". But you better damn well always remember that they feel it just as deeply as we do, if not a lot deeper, since they don't seem to be as numbed and deadened by technology as we are...

[Marrah_G]

12. I stated the same thing yesterday

The closer you are the more you grieve.

[peace13]

13. One thing that you do not address here...

The deaths in VA were carried out by a mentally ill person. The deaths in Iraq are carried out by you and me and every other American. It is that simple. Peace, Kim

[theboss]

15. I don't agree with that

I didn't elect these people, and I have no say in what is ultimately done with my tax dollars. I will not be held responsible for this debacle.

[peace13]

18. It is so nice that you have the luxury to feel that way.

As an American I do not have that option, that is why I work like hell to get this war stopped. As my sign says 'Don't kill in my name'. Peace to you and yours, Kim

[theboss]

19. I am an American

I just don't feel like that this was done in my name.

[Minimus]

16. I don't think you are a callous jerk

But since I am not as affected by the events in Virginia as I am with Iraq I guess some may consider me a callous jerk.

Iraq is "closer to home" for me. I have a niece in the gulf right now (on a ship) and her fiance is going to Iraq next month (also in the Navy but being attached to an Army unit). I have a niece-in-law heading to Iraq next week - her husband, my nephew, served two deployments in Iraq (home safely now, thank goodness). So I think it stands to reason that I would be more affected by the war.

Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the horrific shootings at VT. It is so sad and so senseless (the war is senseless also). I think I have enough compassion to go around but my concerns are concentrated on the war.

[MedleyMisty]

17. I cry a lot

I lost my father when I had just turned seven. When I read or hear the stories from VT or Iraq, I don't think that my pain compares to the pain then. But I do feel the same about both and cry about both.

So yeah, I don't think you could get through life if every time another human died you reacted as if your parent or spouse or sibling or child or close friend died. But I can feel the same empathy for strangers, whether they're American or Iraqi.

[Rosemary2205]

20. I have never cried over someone I don't even know.

I have empathy for the loved ones of that person but to the point of tears? No.