response to conservative ''liberal vs. conservative'' viral email

yurbud

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Thu Feb-18-10 12:01 PM
Original message

response to conservative ''liberal vs. conservative'' viral email

A friend got this from his dad and challenged me to come up with a response:

Conservative vs Liberal

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
Lot of truth here!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Here's my response:

Liberal vs. Conservative

If a liberal hears about a crime in his neighborhood, he calls the cops, then finds out if his local police are adequately funded.
If a conservative hears about a crime in his neighborhood, he buys a handgun and uses it to shoot his wife when he's drunk. Unless his kid used it to shoot the neighbor kid first.

If a liberal has a religion, he practice it at home and at church.
If a conservative has a religion, everyone has to practice it in public schools and courthouses.

If a liberal isn't a homosexual, he doesn't have sex with homosexuals.
If a conservative isn't a homosexual, he want to bar homosexuals from getting married because there's nothing worse than a monogamous homosexual. (but the conservative still has sex with them).

If a liberal sees his hard-working neighbor out of a job, he wonders if any of our economic policies cost him his job, and how we as a society can help him out until he gets back on his feet.
If a conservative sees his hard-working neighbor out of a job, he assumes the guy is lazy or being punished by God.

If a liberal doesn't like a talk show host, he changes channels...and finds that they are almost all conservative even though half or more Americans are liberal.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he calls him a terrorist-loving, America-hating traitor who should be shot (or maybe that was just Bill O'Reilly).

If a liberal has good health insurance, he wonders if others have it too and how he can help them get it.
If a conservative has good health insurance, he doesn't give a crap if other people die in the streets like dogs.

If a liberal hears a good idea like "Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you," they try to live by it.
If a conservative hears a good idea like that, they make a long list of exceptions to the rule, like in business, torturing people you're afraid of, how they treat minorities, immigrants, gays....

Lastly, if a liberal gets an unsourced email, he wonders if it was concocted by some PR firm who knows how to push conservatives buttons.
If a conservative gets an unsourced email, he forwards it without thought because it pushed all his buttons.