Lol. Salon's super snarky coverage of the "trial" of Barack Obama

[cali]

Live from the Obama trial: Alex Pareene in Harlem
By Alex Pareene

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Alex Pareene
Outside ATLAH World Ministries Church in Harlem.

(Alex Pareene is in Harlem for the "trial" of President Obama at James David Manning's ATLAH World Ministries Church. He'll be updating this post all day with pictures, description and video from the festivities.)
Note: Video of a confrontation between the church's pro-Obama neighbors and the assembled birthers is below.

5:00 pm: I'm done with the day's events. For now, here are my notes from 3 pm on, featuring the rest of jury selection and the Reverend Manning's opening statement. Check back later for a full report. (And scroll down for video of the pre-trial skirmish outside the church between neighborhood residents and trial attendees.)

4:00 pm Finally, Manning reveals why we're not trying Obama for treason. He told "some Tea Party people" a while back that they should go after Obama's citizenship instead of his policies. Becaue if they convicted him of treason, they would get to execute him! This didn't go over well. Manning claims the CIA visited his church. So he wants to make it clear: he will not attempt to execute Obama at the conclusion of the trial. (He does still think Obama should be hanged, though.)

3:45 pm Manning asks permission to make his opening statement before the jury is sworn in. He tells us about how George Washington and John Jay invented the natural-born citizen clause, just in case of a situation like this one. "This is not about racism. It just happens that Mr. Obama happens to be alleged to be black. This is about the constitution." If we let one guy violate the constitution, everyone will want to! Also, an allegorical explanation for attacking Obama's citizenship instead of his policies: If you know a man is guilty of rape, but you challenge him on "what kind of coffee he drinks," that is "psychologically imbalanced." Then Manning brought up the Illuminati. Also: Howard Dean, the Clintons.

Also: McCain lost the election on purpose, to allow Obama to "waltz into the White House." (Man next to me, softly: "Oh my god.") Manning: "We're not talking about whether or not Obama stole a car!"

3:30 pm One juror wants to know why we're not going to prosecute Obama for treason and sedition. Manning: "To prove treason would not be the most difficult thing in this trial" but he is convinced that the American people will uphold the results of this trial, and they will demand Obama's imprisonment. If he's convicted of treason, the American people will demand his death. "And a number of people, not that I'm one of them, are opposed to capital punishment." This is an odd and rambling answer, but basically the standard of proof would be higher if they were arguing a capital case, and also the American people might be uncomfortable executing an American president.

65 people registered to be jurors. At the end of the day, there were 13 people sitting on the jury. They will be sworn in first thing tomorrow, but not by Unger -- he will miss tomorrow's proceedings in order to observe the Sabbath. Manning's church observes the Sabbath on Saturday as well, but their worship will be held at 116th and Broadway, outside Columbia.

3:35 pm There are at least five LaRouche followers sitting near me. The next juror is a Deacon. "I have been to the Waco Memorial 16 years in a row. So the government knows me, they have a file on me." This leads Manning into an odd question about whether or not the media might characterize Manning as a David Koresh-style "runaway preacher" whose followers "deserve to be killed."

One important fact I learned: when Barack Obama was supposedly attending Columbia, he was actually in the CIA!

3:20 pm The next juror works "in a prestigious golf club in Toronto." (That's one German, one Canadian, and two Hungarians on the jury.) She is the bartender. Then there is Dave, a former mayor of a small town in New Mexico. He no longer seeks higher office, though, because the consultants he once hired in preparation for a run told him "I had to be something other than what I was." Next: Benji. Manning: "Do you believe there is a witchhunt for Obama because he is black?" Benhi: "I believe there is a witchhunt for the truth." Benji was once registered as a "Dumbocrat" but he voted for Ron Paul.

Manning: "Do you believe that Mr. Obama is simply a puppet?"

3:15 pm Some of the jurors seemed to be unemployed. "I'm in transition from one job to another," one said, though he recently worked in the solar power industry. "Is that green energy," Manning asked him. "Yes, it is," the juror answered.

3:10 pm Manning, to a nervous-seeming woman in thick-framed glasses: "I think we need to inform everyone at the outset that you are a member of this church. I am your pastor." Ok! Then, more disclosures: "You are able to trace your lineage all the way back to the Mayflower." Always important in a potential juror. And: "I have been informed that your lineage also connects you to Barack Obama."

Great moments in impartial jury selection: "Kelly, I'm your pastor," the prosecuting attorney says. "Do you believe that you can be open and fair?" Of course she does! (She is a registered Democrat.)

Kelly has two theories about why Barack Obama's records have all been sealed: they're hiding something, or "they're creating chaos."

3:00 pm A Dr. Kelso was unable to attend today, but she really wants to be on the jury, Manning tells Judge Unger. That seems to be fine with Unger. No one will actually be sworn in until tomorrow anyway.

2:49 pm: Phone dying so I'm going to keep updates light until I find a place to plug in. Still selecting jury. Last guy is not registered to vote but likes Ron Paul.

2:40 pm: I think the current prospective juror said she wrote a thesis that used quantum physics to prove that Jesus Christ could have been incarnate.

<snip>
http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2010/05/14/obama_trial_fight/index.html

[jaxx]

1. Oh my!

The wingnuts have come out in the open and they're not looking sane. One on another board thought this was a legitimate trial!