Marriage, kids, adulthood. But why? By Mark Morford

[madokie]

Look, you can't have it both ways, uppity American culture.

Which is it? Either we're forcing kids these days to grow up far too quickly, exposing them to a raft of brutal and complex adult ideas and pressures they are ill equipped to handle, or, well, something possibly far, far worse: They never really grow the hell up at all.

Here's the thing: Endless are the studies and countless are the shrill advocacy groups, politicians and bewildered grandparents lamenting just how harshly kids are raised these days, how we're sexualizing them at younger and younger ages, front-loading them with far too much stress and hardship, and drowning them in the ugly realities of the world before they even hit puberty.

And it's all underscored by a terrifying social networking landscape where every aspect of young life is exposed, scrutinized, mocked and shamed until the poor kid is nothing but a quivering pile of sexual anxieties, drunken party photos on Facebook and text messaging gibberish. ...

(click here to read the rest)

(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/06/16/notes061610.DTL&nl=fix)

[marmar]

1. Because that's what they tell you you're supposed to do.....

I know soooo many people who've gotten married or had children because "their friends were doing it" or some kind of familial/social pressure to do so. It's like some kind of prescribed version of a life they feel they need to have.

[femrap]

6. I'm in the Midwest

and see way too many young women having children. If you live in SF, you probably moved there which displays a sense of adventure and wanting some independence...therefore, one isn't going to enter into parenthood lightly.

If one stays in the Midwest, you'll do what is 'normal.' I've never understood why a young woman would want to give up so much freedom to take care of another human being...such a big responsibility.

And of course the author is a dude...totally different view of what 'adult' means....imho. :hide:

[midnight]

2. I think if they and their parents were not being front loaded with so much stress

things would balance out.

[The2ndWheel]

3. We always want it both ways

We don't want anyone to be dependent on anyone else, but apparently we're all in this thing together.

[JohnnyLib2]

4. Terrific, existential headline!

:spray:

[redqueen]

5. "Study: Americans taking longer to grow up"

Ah, the NYT headline was so much more fun though, wasn't it?

I love this part:

But rest assured: The change is here to stay. Like many stale notions whose time has come, "adulthood" appears to be evolving, and now has less to do with marriage, buying a home, having 2.3 kids, getting a single job that lasts 45 years. It has become more of a state of mind, a kind of knowing, a bearing in the world. Hasn't it?

In other words, it's now fully possible to be a mature, functioning, successful adult without a single one of the traditional markers of same. Equally true that you can have all those markers, all the "right" achievements, and be a depressive, whiny brat with zero integrity and an imminent divorce. Who's to say what really works anymore?