Jesus will return by 2050, say 40pc of Americans - Telegraph, UK

[Bozita]

WTF?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/7847625/Jesus-will-return-by-2050-say-40pc-of-Americans.html

Jesus will return by 2050, say 40pc of Americans
More than 40 per cent of Americans believe Jesus Christ will return to Earth by 2050, according to a poll.

Published: 7:28PM BST 22 Jun 2010

Americans are largely optimistic about the future, according to the poll from the Pew Research Center For The People and The Press/Smithsonian Magazine.

By mid century, 71 per cent believe cancer will be cured, 66 per cent say artificial limbs will work better than real ones and 81 per cent believe computers will be able to converse like humans.

But Americans are also braced for a major energy crisis and a warming planet, according to the survey. More than half, or 58 per cent, fear another world war in the next 40 years and 53 per cent expect a terrorist attack against the United States using a nuclear weapon.

The poll also shows a sharp dip in overall optimism from 1999, when 81 per cent said they were optimistic about life for themselves and their families. The current poll found just 64 per cent were.

Sixty-one percent said they were optimistic about the future of the United States, compared to 70 percent in 1999. And 56 percent predicted the US economy would be stronger in 40 years, compared to 64 percent of those polled in 1999.

The results were compiled from telephone and online interviews with 1,546 adults in April. The margin of error is plus or minus 3 percentage points, according to Pew.

Here are some other findings of the poll:

more...

[HopeHoops]

1. Shit. I'll have to put that in my calendar.

I LOVE those LOL events! I've lost track of how many times Jesus was going to return on a specific date.

These people are idiots. Everyone *KNOWS* Jesus hangs out at the 7-11 with Elvis drinking 40oz Schlitz Malt Liquors.

[Drops_not_Dope]

13. I wasn't aware of that

[HopeHoops]

15. Well maybe you don't go to the right 7-11 then!

Do you remember Richard Pryor's skit on Jesus?

"Jesus? Yeah, I know Jesus. He lives in the projects."

[Drops_not_Dope]

37. Not funny then

not funny now.

[hlthe2b]

20. Hmm... seems I was told in the South, that PBR is the blessed

brew... How did Schlitz get elevated? :evilgrin:

[JuniperLea]

28. I heard that on the punk rock circuit in Los Angeles too!

[hlthe2b]

29. snarf.... "worshipping at the alter"

[JuniperLea]

32. Ah yeah...

[hlthe2b]

36. Well "thars" a Southern Wake-- for sure.

LOL

[a la izquierda]

30. We worshipped $.50 PBR nights.

$8 got me good and hammered as a college kid (with tip, I mean)

[JuniperLea]

34. PBR is very Ivy League, methinks!

[JuniperLea]

27. That is absolutely NOT TRUE! You should be ashamed!

It's Colt 45 Malt Liquor!

Get it straight next time!

:rofl:

[HopeHoops]

38. Oh bullshit.

Colt 45 malt liquor isn't used toilet water.

[maxsolomon]

2. Land lines strike again

but still, the Idiocracy grows...

[EstimatedProphet]

3. Just before King Arthur.

[Canuckistanian]

4. Is there a hedge fund for that?

I'd like to make my son rich.

[YOY]

5. Yet 95% of the people I know don't think that way.

Perhaps I just don't associate with enough idiots.

[Fuzz]

6. Quick, look busy.

[Burma Jones]

7. That's also about the time it's been advertised that White Folks lose their absolute majority

Here in the Good Ol' USA..........

[Skip Intro]

46. Yay, let's make it about race! nt

[havocmom]

8. Well, the teabaggers and anti-gov fundies better get their taxes paid

Jesus said to pay your taxes.

edited for the typo

[earth mom]

9. After the gusher in the gulf we will be lucky to be here at all in 40 years.

And if jeezus really cared why isn't he here fixing that gusher, eh? :eyes:

[Goldstein1984]

10. Good! I have a few questions about things like

killing innocent people to impose pseudodemocracy and protect vital national interests.

And about anyone who does those things and ends speeches with, "God bless America."

The whole thing about invoking the Prince of Peace while making war just never made sense to this Atheist.

[fascisthunter]

11. scarey to see so many who believe that garbage

makes one wonder what else they believe.

[Soylent Brice]

12. all one needs to know to understand why USA has become what it is today

is this right here.

[tom_paine]

14. Ah, Medieval Mindedness - the Mother's Milk of any Authoritarian State

I have said it before and I will say it again. There are few peoples at present on this Earth so ready for a Right-Wing Authoritarian State (like Hitler's and Mussolini's, but with better Perception Management and Plausible Deniability) than The American Subject Populace.

It is almost a certainty that we're going to get it, too.

[Subdivisions]

16. Almost? Hell, we're living it now! n/t

[moriah]

17. "But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."

Why won't people start reading their Bible instead of making fools of themselves trying to predict the end of the world?

[hlthe2b]

18. with BP in charge--we'll all be "sleeping with the fishes" before then...

Good Heavens...

[Dogmudgeon]

19. Well, He better set His alarm clock

He already blew off His 1999 reappearance appointment. A few more of these, and He'll be in the Unemployment line for certain!

--d!

[Sebastian Doyle]

24. I hope not.

Where's a 2000 year old guy supposed to find a job? Talk about holes in your resume. Doubt He could fall back on the carpentry thing either, given modern tools are a bit different than what He and His stepdad Joseph worked with.

Maybe Jesus could open His own winery? All He would have to do is find a decent spring or artesian well, so there's a quality water source. Then He turns it into organic, sulfite-free Kosher wine (whatever kind you want)

[Dogmudgeon]

25. I'm guessing he'd be more of a Pete Seeger figure

And Seeger has never had much love for management.

The winery business sounds like a good idea. I once saw it briefly in Money magazine: "101 Small Businesses A Retired Savior Can Start (For Under 30 Pieces Of Silver)"

--d!

[SidDithers]

21. And, in a related thread on a different topic...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x8617703

Sid

[Lucian]

22. 40% of Americans are dumber than...Republicans.

I was going to say bricks, but I didn't want to insult bricks.

[HughBeaumont]

23. United Church of America.

Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Religion is great when you need peace of mind. Religion sucks when people believe it gives them a license to mind everyone else's business.

[JuniperLea]

26. No one knows the day or hour...

Jesus said so. You can now mark your calendar showing he WILL NOT return within the time frame mentioned by these idiots.

[a la izquierda]

31. I´m so sick of being surrounded by stupids.

Edited for post USA soccer victory idiocy.

[Renew Deal]

33. Why does he always miss the deadline?

:shrug:

[JuniperLea]

35. No bus fare...

He's always broke, donchano... that's why all his helpers beg for money all the time.

[Stevenmarc]

39. In other news poll proves that quite a few Americans are dumb as a pile of rocks

[Bluebear]

40. Holy moly!

[Bozita]

41. kick for the evening shift

[SoCalDem]

42. He'll probably be able to get a beachfront room in the Gulf..cheap.. n/t

[WeDidIt]

43. He already returned and has been sighted

Apparently, he's got a job as a greeter at Wal Mart:

[rustydog]

44. These guys are WAYYY off, I returned in 1954!

All my life I heard: Jesus Christ, wipe those dirty shoes when you enter the house.
Jesus Christ, shut the door, were you born in a barn?!! (Duh, well yea!)
Jesus Christ, will you turn that radio down!

O8)

[dflprincess]

53. You're not Jesus Christ

you're just a naughty, naughty little boy!

:evilgrin:

[Sebastian Doyle]

54. Bill Cosby fan, are you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwYVqMj5i6k

[Nye Bevan]

45. I hope not. Given current death penalty technology He will almost certainly be executed

by lethal injection this time around. And I for one don't want to be subjected to miniature gurneys displayed all over the place and attached to gold chains.

[Skip Intro]

47. DU's selective reverence always cracks me up. Were this a poll to reflect some Muslim-based opinion,

we'd see much more deference and much less ridicule, with many chiming in to preach tolerance. Why is that? Why do Christian beliefs face such scorn here, while similar ridicule of other faiths might well get a thread locked?

[Nye Bevan]

48. Ridiculing Muslims tends to get you blown up.

The admins and mods want to keep themselves and their families safe. But Christianity is a safe target. Remember how Pope John Paul issued that fatwa against the guy who created Piss Christ? Me neither.

[Skip Intro]

51. I really, truly hope that is not the reason.

Honestly, does fear and intimidation truly rule? Sad, sad day for humankind if that is indeed the case. However, I was talking more about the general tone of replies to this thread vs potential others - the bandwagon effect that generally leads to a majority tone of ridicule or reverence. I don't think that really has much to do with Skinner.

[jp11]

52. It should stop when the new rules take office.

[sendero]

49. 80% of Americans...

.... are drooling morons.

[Nye Bevan]

50. If you had posted that in 40 BC

you would have ended up feeling pretty stupid.

[Rage for Order]

55. And Limbaugh, Hannity, et al...

Will decry him as a dirty socialist hippy with no job who's trying to get their taxes raised so poor people can get food, clothing, and healthcare on their dime. Ah, the irony.