Remembering My Mother's Spirit

[RestoreGore]

Even though it was thirty one years ago, it still feels like yesterday that I lost my mother. She died when I was 17 years old of what was termed as "carcinomatosis," which is a complete eating away of your bones by cancer. It is not the way anyone should have to die and not the way any loved one should have to watch someone they love with all of their heart and soul die. It is a cruelty beyond measure and something you never truly get over.

She had a mastectomy when I was only ten years old, and back then there weren't the advances in science and medicine that we have now and not many avenues open for poor people to get the physical and psychological treatment they needed after such a catastrophic life changing event. It scarred her not only physically but psychologically, and I remember well many nights when I was a young girl sitting up with her as my father worked late nights consoling her as she cried about no longer being a whole woman, and as she constantly warned me of the dangers of smoking and to never start as she had at a very young age when the dangers of it were not told to those by the tobacco companies using them for profit... and I never have and never will and for that I owe her much.

Little did I know that I would only have about seven years left with her after telling her all of the things I would do for her and the places I would take her after she was better and I was grown. Little did I know that the cancer was still there, waiting. Seventeen is not a good age to lose your mother. I had just met the man I would ultimately wind up marrying (and am still with after thirty years) and I was a young girl in need of her guidance. And I was beginning the process of entering college and being the first in my family to get a college degree, which I did not only for me, but definitely in memory of her. It's still a bit of a blur to me now how I got through it all, but I did even though it absolutely turned my world upside down to lose her and to watch that loss effect my father so profoundly as she was the only woman he ever loved. And cancer would then eventually take him from me as well, and there isn't a day in my life that I do not think of both of them and the love they gave me.

However, beyond all of the pain, the chemotherapy, the hair loss, the weight loss, the depression, and the nights I too sat up laughing and crying with her, my mother was a strong spirited woman who loved life, who cherished this planet, and who never gave up and fought that sneaky, conniving, insidious, bloody, EVIL disease for many years as it ravaged her body. And even though in the end it did take her body she did not let it take her spirit, and it made me stronger too. It may sound bizarre to some, but that tragedy in my life was actually a turning point for me that guided my own actions in the years to come.

I remember that on Mother's Day especially now that I am a mother and I have the ability to shape and mold a life as my mother did mine. Through her she taught me to love and respect our Mother Earth and to always speak out against those who poison it for their own profit at the expense of life. She taught me to always be truthful and to do good to all I could, and above all to always respect the law and to follow my heart and my conscience. She gave me so much and was always there for me even when she was suffering with the pain of cancer, and was so much more than a mother to me. She was my friend, my confidante, my mentor, my sister, and the one inspiration in my life that defined me even though I only had her for a short time.

That is the greatest gift she could ever have given me, and I am now passing that gift on. So on this Mother's Day I reflect on the good and happy times I had with her as well as the tragedy, because it all shaped the person I am today and thank her for her spirit. And I know that she is really with me whenever I want to see her. All I have to do is look in my son's eyes.

[nini]

1. What a beautiful tribute

Sorry for your loss at such a young age but she obviously lives on within you.

[RestoreGore]

2. Thank you, and yes, she sure does n/t

[waiting for hope]

3. That was wonderful -

I wish you a happy, joyful Mother's Day with your family O8)

[RestoreGore]

4. Thank you, the same to you n/t