Monkeys trained as battlefield killers in Afghanistan

[EmeraldCityGrl]

"Afghanistan's Taliban insurgents are training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops, according to a recent report by a British-based media agency.

Reporters from the media agency spotted and took photos of a few "monkey soldiers" holding AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. The report and photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.

According to the report, American military experts call them "monkey terrorists."

As a form of cruel political means, wars are launched to meet political goals through conquest, devastation, assaults and other means."

more...http://english.people.com.cn/90001/90777/90851/7059578.html


This is too crazy for words.

[Blue Owl]

1. I vote we spend $50 billion to re-train these monkeys

That makes perfect sense to protect the homeland.

[virgogal]

2. PETA alert !!!!!!

[jobycom]

8. Are you kidding? Arming monkeys? I'm surprised PETA didn't come up with it first.

[virgogal]

9. On second thought,you made a damned good point. :-)

[jobycom]

3. The more I see, the more I realize Michael Crichton was a freaking prophet.

[lpbk2713]

4. They'd better keep a good eye on those monkeys.

I hear they have a bad habit of going AWOL ...

[Uncle Joe]

19. Sometimes going AWOL isn't the worst part, it's the coming back that sucks. n/t

[sharp_stick]

5. Jeannie Moos (sp?) on CNN did a really funny

bit on this the other day. It may still be up on their website.

[BrklynLiberal]

20. A video of it is in this story.

http://www.anomalymagazine.com/2010/07/14/cnn-monkeys-around/

[Oregone]

6. Too funny

How many monkeys are in Afghanistan? I hope more than Al Queda members

[BrklynLiberal]

7. Irony, insanity....but sadly, not satire, it seems.

Ironically, the initiators of "monkey soldiers" are the Americans. Between the 1960s and the 1970s, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) trained massive "monkey soldiers" in the Vietnam War and dispatched armed monkeys to dangerous jungles to launch assaults on Vietnamese soldiers. Today, the Taliban forces have given the American troops some of their own medicine.

[sharp_stick]

16. Not satire just stupidity

there is no way that you could train a monkey to be soldier or even to shoot a gun without killing anyone in the room. They have the impulse control of a two year old.

[Sebastian Doyle]

10. Well, then it's only fair that we send a Chimp over to fight them terraist monkeys

Get your flight suit on, you dumb fucking son of a bitch. It's time for you to complete your National Guard duty. :evilgrin:

[MerryBlooms]

32. lmao - stellar.

[MerryBlooms]

33. lmao.

stellar.

[MerryBlooms]

34. oops

.

[ORDagnabbit]

11. dont we train dolphins for suicide bombing here in the states? n/t

[TheWraith]

38. No. The Navy trains them to locate anti-ship mines. nt

[grasswire]

12. poop throwing?

Is that a battlefield technique now?

Has Jay Leno gotten this yet? The jokes write themselves.

[drm604]

13. They may have photos of monkeys holding guns,

but I'm EXTREMELY skeptical that those monkeys will actually be using those guns. This is some sort of psychological ploy.

I think this sentence is key:

Analysts believe that apart from using "monkey killers" to attack the American troops, the Taliban also sought to arouse Western animal protectionists to pressure their governments to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.

If this is in fact their tactic, I think it shows that they have a stereotypical, almost cartoonish, view of our culture. There is no way that animal rights activists could possibly have any effect on our Afghanistan policy.

[nadinbrzezinski]

25. +100

If animal rights people had an effect, they'd be screaming over FIDO going to war... not to mention seals and dolphins.

[LeftinOH]

14. It was bound to happen sooner or later; this will not end well:

[BrklynLiberal]

21. Check out the video in this story.

Seems they were inspired as you were...

[Silent3]

15. I guess the warmongers in the Tea Party...

...should be able to fight their own battles after all. They've already got the flinging their own feces trick down pat.

[dhill926]

17. this shit is going to put The Onion outta business........n/t

[Soylent Brice]

18. we need a counter to keep track of how many dubya chimpers jokes this thread can accumulate.

:popcorn:

and to the story:

:wtf:

[valerief]

22. If monkeys with guns is a crime, only criminal monkeys will have guns. nt

[Ignis]

23. Why do their monkeys hate our freedoms?!?

If only Afghanistan weren't a landlocked country, they'd be facing the wrath of our Armed Dolphin Navy!

[jberryhill]

24. "British-based media agency"

I don't suppose anyone has identified this "British-based media agency" as Monty Python's Flying Circus yet?

[AsahinaKimi]

26. Why does this remind me of the movie "CONGO"

Man! I miss Michael Crichton! I loved his books!

[sufrommich]

27. It's a fake story.....

http://gammasquad.uproxx.com/2010/07/the-taliban-monkey-soldiers-are-fake-but-dont-tell-taiwan-yet

[SunnySong]

28. Ya Think???? nt

[drm604]

29. I assumed as much.

Except that I thought it might be some sort of ham-fisted psyop by Taliban or other Afghani insurgents. I never dreamed that the Chinese might be behind it. :crazy:

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

30. Eeek!! Al-Queda trained hamsters can't be far behind.

[Statistical]

31. "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! OH, DAMN YOU! GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! "

Come on you can't blame me. How often is that quote going to fit into the topic.

[undeterred]

35. Is it wrong that I assumed the US military was training the monkeys to kill?

[ChimpersMcSmirkers]

36. Seems a little desperate if true.

[noamnety]

37. And our troops will be staying there

until we've successfully trained the monkey soldiers to take over our peacekeeping operations.