Do relationships thrive and last longer if born from eharmony,

[kimmerspixelated]

or other sites like that? Think about it...most average relationships, marriages are born from a certain kind of chemistry, maybe sexual, maybe not, but it's usually one faceted. When that one facet wears out, there might not be much left, but if there are SO many other things you have in common, is it possible to sustain these SUPER companionships much longer than the average one facted union?

Relationships born from eharmony, etc. are so modern and efficient compared to the normal ways of coupling in yesteryear. Why wouldn't a single person want to be matched up with someone that is so totally and mostly their real type? Sure opposites can attract, but can they be sustained for longterm relationships?

I realize this sounds like a commercial, but I was wondering if anyone knew of studies that had been conducted or statistics to support this theory of possible longevity.

[BrklynLiberal]

1. eHarmony? That racist, sexist, religious fanatic site???

i guess if you fall into one of those categories, you will find your perfect match.

[kimmerspixelated]

3. Dang! What a response!

Jeepers Mcgillicutty! Switch to decaf, please.

[Skittles]

33. dup

[flvegan]

2. We had a DUer really upset at Match.com a short time ago.

But then, not too many wealthy potential trophy wives are probably out there on sites like that.

I won't post a link (probably calling them out...rules), but it's worth looking for.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

4. Ha! I remember that!

I think it is well worth looking for -- that was soem funny stuff. :D

[tammywammy]

8. Crap, now I'm curious!

And how did I miss that thread?!?!?!


edited to add: Found it! It's a gem!

[OneGrassRoot]

14. It's a classic! LOL

:rofl:

[LostinVA]

20. One of THE best ever!

Up there with "I Won't Drink With You"!

[tammywammy]

25. OMG, it really is

:rofl:

[Kat45]

29. Can you PM me on that thread? I can't find it.

And I'm particularly curious because I'm on match.com. Thanks.

[tammywammy]

31. Check your Inbox n/t

[LostinVA]

19. (you want me)

[Hello_Kitty]

50. OMG. Out of curiosity I searched and found the thread.

It's a classic. :thumbsup:

[Puregonzo1188]

5. I don't know. I have several friends who have tried OKcupid and been

very successful. One of them even moved in with the person and it seemed to be going well.

I actually let some of them talk me into creating an OKCupid profile myself and while I've gotten some rather creepy messages, I've connected and chatted with somewhere I really like. We were going to meet, but things didn't pan out, and we're both going off to school this weekend, meaning we're going to be very far away from each other, so it's unclear how it's going to turn out. That being said, we had some really weird similarities, including being at the same peace rally right behind each other. Literally, we checked out a video on youtube and we're standing in the same frame he wife his friends and me right behind with my friend.

I mean I know we've never met and the distance is going to be problematic, but we've really hit off to the point where one day we talked for almost 8 hours on phone, texts, and ims. That's more than most people who are in serious relations have ever talked in a single day. It may work out, it may not.

[pnwmom]

6. No. Because there is no such thing as "totally and mostly their real type."

I'm glad I didn't have any checklist when I met my husband. If I'd put a list of preferences into a computer, I very much doubt that his profile would have popped up. And I would have missed out on a guy who, while very different from me, is a wonderful husband and father. And who expanded my world precisely because of those differences.

There are no guarantees. If anything, I would think eharmony would lessen your chances. Why? Because the people who join are buying into an idea that finding a mate is like shopping: you decide what kind of product you want, then search it out. As opposed to meeting a person, getting to know him more and more, and learning to appreciate things you might not ever have cared about before.

[pipi_k]

16. I can honestly say...

that if I had to live with someone exactly (or mostly) like myself, I'd have to kill him.


:7

[pnwmom]

26. LOL, pipi! And I'd have to agree! n/t

[kimmerspixelated]

43. Thought-provoking-Thanks!

[lame54]

52. +1

people are not exactly forthcoming when they fill out those profiles. There is no such thing as a perfect match, good relationships take work and understanding.

[potassiumnitrate]

7. I don't know, because nothing is working for me

I used to think otherwise, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that women simply do not know what they want, ever, and have an inherent thing in them where they have to play mind games at all times.

[Amaril]

9. It's not just women......

.....trust me on that one. I've been single a LOOOOONG time (separated in 2001 - divorce final in 2003) and I've pretty much given up on ever meeting someone truly compatible.......plus, I'm becoming more and more of a curmudgeon (I refuse to call myself the female equivilent) as time passes. : )

I think the biggest problem with internet dating is that too many people lie about stuff -- everything from their profession to marital status to you-name-it -- or at least that's been my experience.

[slampoet]

10. Why are you asking DU?

[kimmerspixelated]

44. For the halibut.

No, I was just curious about what people were THINKING on this very modern subject.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

11. Wait a minute...

You're asking for actual studies that might contradict a sales pitch for a dating site?

As opposed to, say, a magic zero point energy wand?

[pipoman]

12. Yep, especially GLBT relationships...

[LostinVA]

21. lol

[yella_dawg]

13. Propaganda is our friend, seemingly.

Do you actually believe the things your wrote? I'm really not trying to be an ass, I'm simply flabbergasted.

[w8liftinglady]

15. it's tough to find a liberal match-up here

I have tried match.com and PlentyofFish.Usually,guys who say they are open-minded...well,let's just say that's not the case in any area.

[OneGrassRoot]

17. Here's a funny story....

I actually went the plentyoffish route five years ago.

I wasn't looking for a relationship; I just wanted someone to go out with periodically. Finding someone with a similar life philosophy seemed pretty impossible, so I was settling for companionship without deep discussions.

I did meet someone and we got along fine, although I was tempted to not see him any more after the first date because he was a Bush-Cheney supporter. Other than THAT, we got along fine. ;)

Fast forward five years: We're engaged, he voted for Obama, and he slams the hypocrisy of the right-wingers and Republicans every chance he gets. He's on Facebook now (a recent development), and I swear he sounds like he's from DU! He's slamming lies and distortions all the time and seems to love doing so!

He says he feels like a dumbass for falling for the Fox BS for years, and is making up for lost time now. :rofl:

:hi:

:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

18. lol...does he have a brother?

[OneGrassRoot]

22. LOL.....

I'll keep my eyes and ears open for ya!

;)

:hug:

[pnwmom]

30. Which proves my first thought. That trying to pick someone out based on a list

of pre-existing preferences isn't the best way.

Instead, you got to know your fiance slowly, over time, without any pressure. And you were willing to overlook the parts that made him not "your type" (the Bush/Cheney thing WOULD be a real hurdle) because of the other good parts.

I think yours will be the lasting marriage of good friends who know how to flexible and open-minded. Good luck!

[OneGrassRoot]

32. Good point...

and thank you!

:hi:

[tilsammans]

41. Wow! Congrats!

Great story! :applause:

I met a number of guys online who initially claimed to be "middle of the road." But when we met and they decided I wasn't The One, out would come the RW talking points. :puke:

[OneGrassRoot]

42. Thanks! :)

:hi:

[kimmerspixelated]

45. Wow, OneGrass! What a story!

Thanks for sharing.

[Canuckistanian]

23. I met my last three wives on eHarmony!

They're great!

[lumberjack_jeff]

28. +1

[tilsammans]

24. YMMV, but I met my match on Match

We were married last week. :bounce:

[pnwmom]

27. Congrats! n/t

[tilsammans]

34. Thanks so much!

:hi: :yourock: :hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

35. I'm trying to figure out what "YMMV" means!

;)

Regardless, congratulations to you!!! :bounce:

:hi:

[supernova]

37. Your Milage May Vary

Basically the poster is saying "I've had a similar experience to you and this is how I felt about it; but you might feel differently."

[OneGrassRoot]

38. Thanks! :) n/t

[kimmerspixelated]

46. Wow! For Real?

BTW what does YMMV mean?

[tilsammans]

51. "Your mileage may vary"

I have to say, with just one exception, those I've known who've done online dating have all wound up happily married or in fulfilling long-term relationships.

Better living though the Internets! :toast:

[supernova]

36. I have a similar story to OneGrassRoot

I tried eHarmony when I first got divorced (seperated in 95, official in 97). Hey that was before I knew they were a RW nutjub dating haven. :crazy: And a full 4.5 years before I read DU for the first time. Got disatisfied with them because they kept sending me interchangeble IT guys. At least it seemed that way, plus most were too far away to make meeting them realistic. Dropped them because I wasn't getting dates.

Dated off and on the old fashioned way, but no one ever really clicked.

The past few years I was on OKCupid. Mostly played cougar to 25 yo guys. ;-) It was flattering, but again nothing serious.

Last year switched to Plenty of FIsh.

BAM! First day I was on there met a guy that seemed really nice and interesting. He had a profile that sounded like a real person. I tried to do the same with mine.

We chatted back and forth for a little while over emails, then we went to dinner. He suggested a really great seafood restaurant and we had a lovely dinner over the brown paper and shell buckets. :-)

That's it. We will get marred next summer. :loveya:

We are very compatible and our interests and passions overlap quite a bit. BUT he is "conservative" and HATES what the RW has become. He's for equality, gay rights, pro choice and universal healthcare. He's not like any conservative I've ever met here, especially for a southern white guy. He's more like a Euro social democrat if he's honest. But that's his to tell. He works hard and has raised two adult daughters who are the apples of his eyes. And has a grandson who he loves to pieces.

He brings fun, good food, and a calm to my life that has been missing for many years. That makes me passionately content. *sigh*

[OneGrassRoot]

40. "passionately content"

Beautiful!!!

Actually, the one requirement in my search was for another Yankee (I'm originally from Pittsburgh, he's from Wisconsin). You DID stumble upon a rare find, Dear Supernova!

Best wishes to you both!!!

:grouphug:

[kimmerspixelated]

48. Lovely! How nice!

[quaker bill]

39. Sooner or later it all comes down to work

It does not matter how "compatible" you start out, except perhaps it takes longer to get to the tight pass. Regardless, when the time comes, either both of you want to do the work, or only one, or neither. If it is less than both, the die is cast and it is only a matter of time. If it is both and you can manage to get through the interesting bit together, the water calms and it is fairly smooth sailing from there on.

I have now been married for a total of 35 years, 10 the first time, and now 25 for the second try.

[kimmerspixelated]

49. You're lucky...

That's great! You're right- it's all work, but it can be worth it, really.

[JI7]

47. Isn't part of Life meeting people and learning and experiencing things

i get turned off by these sites. it seems like job interviews or something. i also have a negative view of the guys automatically just because they go on that site. the descriptions just seem lame.

i would rather get to know people in real life. sometimes people who might not have been into when you first saw them end up being the ones yopu really like.