I had the gay talk with my 6-year-old a couple of days ago. It went very well.

[krispos42]

I wouldn't normally bring this up in an OP, but considering how things are the past week or so, I felt this was relevant so I'm sharing it.


Due to personal circumstances my son and I had to move back in with my parents in Connecticut, which now makes me an unemployed keyboard warrior living in my paren't basement. I keep getting solicitations from Freeperville and such, as a matter of fact! :D

One of my parent's immediate neighbors is a long-term lesbian couple, S and B. They've lived there for many years now, are very nice, and love my kid. He likes going over there to talk with them, and when they went to Rome a couple of months ago they made sure to bring back several souvenier T-shirts for him.


So him and I are in the car, just driving along, and he asks me why S and B live together. Out of the blue, because we haven't seen them in a few days.

"Because they're a couple," says I.

"What's a couple?" he asks.

"It's two people that are together in love," I reply.

"So they love each other?"

"Yup, just like Mia and Pop-pop (my parents)"

"Oh," he says. I felt like maybe he wasn't getting it fully, so I elaborated.

"Most times, people fall in love with somebody from the other gender. A man falls in love with a woman or a woman falls in love with a man. Right?"

"Right!" he says.

"Okay, but sometimes a man falls in love with a man or a woman falls in love with a woman. Okay?"

"Okay!"

"So S and B are two women that are in love. And they live together just like Mia and Pop-pop do. Got it?"

"Got it," he says.




And that was that.

No indoctrination. No wrath of God. My new car didn't explode. I didn't stroke out. The earth did not shake and crumble.

:shrug:

I really don't see what the big deal is. What is so hard about simply saying what I said?

[pinto]

1. ...

:hi:

[krispos42]

2. So I did okay?

If I did, I have DU to thank for it. :-)

[pinto]

4. Yeah, you did.

:thumbsup:

[krispos42]

7. Thanks. That means a lot coming from you.

:hug:

[RKP5637]

3. Handling it as you did makes for a better mature world. It's such a shame we

all live in such an immature world. Like look the wars, the death and destruction, the hatred, the ignorance, the bigoted ways. How can anyone conclude, but this is an ignorant immature world.

Thank you for helping make it a more mature and more intelligent world!!!

[krispos42]

5. I'm trying to make it easy-going. I figure if I don't blow up about it, he won't either.

It certainly doesn't bother my parents at all.

[RKP5637]

9. Yep, I think you did a great job! And kindness is so much more rewarding to

everyone than hatred and intolerance!

Great Job!!!

[applegrove]

20. The GOP and their backers have been working hard to 'grow down' the american public. Now a certain

percentage of Americans are shallow, narcissitic and hate "others"..just like a 3 year old.

[RKP5637]

34. Yes, they remind me of "Children of the Corn."

[grace0418]

69. It's unfortunate that somewhere down the line parents will then have to explain

that some people hate people who are in love because they love someone of the same gender. And those people want there to be laws against people in love. And even some of your friends parents may not let their kids play with you if you tell them that you don't care if someone is gay or not. Can't wait to explain that to my kid. :eyes:

I wish everyone could be like the OP.

[RKP5637]

77. Yep, sad isn't it, having to explain how some prefer hatred and violence to love and kindness. n/t

[givemebackmycountry]

6. Okay, but sometimes a man falls in love with a man or a woman falls in love with a woman. Okay?"

Okay.

:hi: :pals: :fistbump: :fistbump: :pals: :hi:

[krispos42]

11. I'm also glad he's not around my former in-laws anymore

My ex wasn't anti-gay... in fact, she mentioned she would have liked to experiment a little in that area. But her parents are Baptist-pastor-and-wife, so I'm not sure how they would treat this issue. Now I don't really have to worry about it!

[David Zephyr]

8. Kudos to you.

Thank you for posting this. :)

[proud patriot]

10. that's about how it went for me and my son a few years back

when the question came up . Good for you m :thumbsup:

[krispos42]

16. I figure I don't need to gush about concepts like diversity and civil rights right now.

Just "some people like X and some people like Y", and leave it at that.


If he brings home some anti-gay shit one day and says "Daddy, isn't being gay wrong?" I'll say "It's wrong for me but not for people such as S and B".


I'm glad your kids didn't have any complications on the issue.

[ejpoeta]

94. i think his knowing s and b and your succinct explanation of it will go

a long way to diffuse such a thing. someone may say that, and he will think about how nice the people he knows are and i think it will cause him to doubt what someone would say negatively. he may come to you and ask you, but i am sure it won't be that it's wrong but more like why do people like my friend x and y say that being gay is wrong. and THAT is how eventually the neandertals will be gone.

[revolution breeze]

12. Nice story and the way you handled it.

When my daughter was two years old, she told me "Patty has two mommies." I knew both Chrissy and Michelle and had never seen a "father figure" but until she said this, it never crossed my mind. I mentioned it the next morning to her teacher and to Chrissy on the way out. Chrissy said "If you are freaked out, it is okay. Patty has that happen alot." I told her Patty was one of the nicest children my daughter knew and it showed that she had strong loving parents. We talked to the teacher again that evening and it was decided to have a parent meeting. Every single parent was there and everyone was completely accepting. It actually made it easier when one of the chidren's parents came out of the closet because the children were learning to be so accepting.

[krispos42]

17. A parent meeting? Yikes.

I'm glad it went well, but man, that seems intimidating! Good for Patty, too.

[revolution breeze]

41. Chrissy was a very sensitive woman

She felt it was better to open up to the other parents and give them a chance to decide if they wanted their children to remain friends with Patty. We all loved their family so we ended up sending someone to pick up a sheet cake at the bakery across the street and we called it our Daycare Coming Out Party.

[Pirate Smile]

13. Kids are easy and get the basic sense of fairness. They don't need many details.

They really do just react with an "ok" and off to something else.

I've talked to mine recently about being on the lookout for any bullying or teasing based on this issue in particular because of the increased risk of suicide.

[ruggerson]

14. You're a great dad

I hope fate hands you a much better financial card very, very soon. My thoughts are with you on the job front.

[krispos42]

19. Well I'm going back to school. Not sure what for yet, though.

I'm going to knock out the prereqs for radiography but also retake calculus and think about trying to finish my BS in mechanical engineering. :shrug: We'll see.

McDonald's is also restarting the Monopoly game again, so maybe I'll win the grand prize or something! :D

[GSLevel9]

15. seems complex for a 6 yo...

they know what a "gender" is at six?

Easiest thing to do is just teach kids not to judge others. Teach them that all people are different but different never means bad. Some people have 1 daddy and 1 mommy and some kids have 2 mommies. Kids brough up like this don't turn into Stepford-ish "looking through the fence slats snoops"

[krispos42]

18. Not sure, that's why I used the example. I didn't want to use the word "sex"...

...I didn't want to potentially confuse him later on. :shrug:

[uncommon]

49. They know what "boys" and "girls" are so yeah, they know the basics.

They are also savvy enough to know that men and women usually pair off into "mommies and daddies" or whatever.

[HuckleB]

81. They've known the difference between men and women for quite a while by then.

And, yes, teaching them basic non-judgment should always be there. That doesn't mean that they're not going to have questions about specifics from time to time.

[Booster]

21. Ya done good. Sounds like S & B probably helped since they

have such a good relationship with each other as well as others, even little kids. I think you teaching him that it's no big deal is so much better than telling him if he does the same thing he's going straight to Hell. That's just stupid.

[JI7]

22. i think all parents should do this, even if they don't personally know a gay couple

that they can bring up to explain.

the more kids that can be taught about this early on the more kids there will be in schools who will not fall to the anti gay crap.

[Mister Ed]

23. I was lucky. I got to give the gay talk without ever speaking a word.

When my daughter was 4, we went to celebrate the wedding of two women friends of ours. The atmosphere was infused with feelings of warmth, happiness, love, and plain old fun.

Sure, my main motive was to share our friends' joy and wish them well. But I had a strong ulterior motive.

I imagine that the very hardest part of growing up gay is probably the terrible, fearful question: "Oh my god, what will Mom and Dad think?" Our friends' wedding gave us the opportunity to answer that potential question long in advance. My heart is at ease knowing that my daughter, should she happen to be gay, will never be tormented by that question.

I'll always be grateful to our friends for providing me with that peace of mind.

[krispos42]

25. That's a good story.

:-)


Great example, too. I don't think S and B are married, even though Connecticut has legalized same-sex marriage. I haven't actually ever talked to them about their sexuality; it's a bit of a difficult subject to bring up cold. But S, the one that I usually talk to, doesn' wear a wedding ring.

[Dappleganger]

40. Beautiful!

Hopefully your daughter will remember that even, but even if she doesn't it definitely will help shape her in a very positive way.

[wakemewhenitsover]

24. Well done.

And I love your son's response: "Okay!"

Best of luck on the job front.

:yourock:

[one_voice]

26. Nice...

it really is that simple. Two PEOPLE love each other. That's all kids care about. It's the adults that have all the hang ups.

Good for you and your son!

Now the birds and the bees talk..that's a whole nuther ball of wax. :D

[the redcoat]

27. YET. Your car didn't explode YET.

Sorry, I watched Glenn Beck last night.

[krispos42]

29. So you're telling me I should invest in a fire extiguisher?

Meh, I'll just get a zero deductable instead!

[spanone]

28. your child is lucky...it's easier to pass on love than hate

[krispos42]

30. He's doing so well here. Very stable household environment, great schools,...

... plenty of kids on the street to play with. And my dad's retired so he's always home.

No shared custody, no long car trips to swap parents twice a week. It's pretty good.

[FourScore]

31. My child used to have playdates over a friend's house with 2 Moms.

One day, my son came home from such a playdate, and as I was tucking him in bed that night he said:

"Aidan is sooo lucky, Mom."

"He is? Why's that?"

Because he has TWO Moms!!!"

I laughed and hugged him and told him what a wonderful child he is.

(BTW, my son and I had exactly the same conversation as you did with your son. Right after his first playdate at their house. It is that easy.)

[krispos42]

48. Where did the name "Aidan" come from, anyway?

My son has two kids in his class (out of 19) named "Aiden", yet not a single Michael or John!

[Bette Noir]

68. Irish names are in vogue this generation.

How many "Caitlyn"s and "Brianna"s are in the same class?

[krispos42]

99. None of those, this time. But there a lot of those kids floating around, aren't there? n/t

[iris27]

93. I think Sex and the City is at least partly to blame. n/t

[FreeState]

32. It's never to early to explain love K&R n/t

[starroute]

33. The hard part is explaining hate

The only question I ever got from either of my kids that really put me at a loss was when I'd been reading them a comic book and one of them asked, "What's a sadist?"

I was generally able to explain the more "adult" words and concepts in comics to them in an age-appropriate manner, but I found it incredibly hard to explain that there are some people who enjoy hurting other people because it makes them feel more powerful.

Compared to that, the birds and the bees is simple, and talking about love is just a walk in the park.

[madmax]

36. Wow, glad I was out to lunch that day.

That's a hard one.

[madmax]

35. You get Number 1 Dad

of the year. Seriously, very well handled and honest. You are making a huge difference.

When my son was a little guy I let him stay up to watch the 'Holocaust' with Meryl Streep, James Wood. It was excellent and it made a very good impression on his about anti-semites, a little World War II lesson. Yeah, he was only a young kid but, it stuck somewhere. :hug: and one for the little guy, too. :hug:

[elocs]

37. I had this happen a dozen years ago when my goddaughter was also 6.

We were eating lunch at Burger King when she came out and asked, "What is gay?" This was during the whole Teletubbies thing when one of them was supposed to be gay.

Not anticipating this question in mid-bite I simply told her that it was when boys want to kiss boys and girls want to kiss girls. It may not have been the perfect answer, but it satisfied her. Besides, no more than heterosexuals, gays do not necessarily "love" one another.

[krispos42]

51. I figured "love" was better than "lust after", or something stronger

:evilgrin: :rofl:


I have to explain the old-school meaning of "gay" (happy) in some of the books that I read him. Some of them are 50 or 60 years old and the language has shifted since then.

[timtom]

38. Well done.

[Dappleganger]

39. When I had the talk with our oldest son...

what he couldn't wrap his mind around was the fact that gays can't get married like everyone else. A chid's sense of fairness just couldn't comprehend it.

[glowing]

50. That's what I couldn't understand.. I was taught it was a sin to live together and not be married,

so the shame in the two mom's not being married to me at a young age was that they weren't married. I had just figured they were married and couldn't figure out why it was such big gossip that the "party" at their home was more than likely a wedding over a paticular weekend.

[Rhythm]

42. Very nicely explained...

Accurate and age-appropriate. But then, you've always been a good egg like that.

:hug:

[uncommon]

43. That's pretty much how I explained it to my 6-year old. She had no problem with it.

Then again she has been raised around all types of people, including her transgendered uncle.

[bigwillq]

44. Cool story!

Thanks for sharing. :hi:

Come visit me in CT if you get the chance! :hi:

[krispos42]

47. Are there DU meetups here?

We used to do them in Minnesota a few times a year.

[bigwillq]

87. There have been some in CT

although I've never been to one. We could start one, though. :)

[NewJeffCT]

89. I missed the last one

which I think was some time in 2006 at O'Rourke's in Middletown.

[NewJeffCT]

88. We've had a few in my 7 years on DU

Unfortunately, I've missed them. None in recent years that I can recall.

The only time I met any DUers was at a NYC meetup just over two years ago. My daughter was there and met Priyanka & Lisa, so she also knew that they were a couple then as well.

[lunatica]

45. You're a wonderful father and you're corroborating his experience with them

The extra explanation you gave him was perfection itself.

[rucky]

46. That's pretty much how it went down with my 5-yo.

She has three gay uncles who love her very much, which made it very easy to explain and for her to understand.

I had a harder time explaining why I shout "douchebag" at the TV sometimes.

[Wednesdays]

52. From the earliest age she could understand, we've told our daughter

that there are plenty of gay/lesbian couples around, even among people she knew. At first, she seemed surprised, but without saying names we kept repeating our observation. She's in her teens now, and I think she knows who we were talking about...she's grown up to accept same-gender relationships as something natural, and even has a good online friend who happens to be a lesbian.

[AngryOldDem]

53. It really IS that simple.

Too bad people can't grasp that.

[ThatsMyBarack]

54. My sister had a similar talk with my 4-YO nephew.

She simply told him, "Women can marry men, men can marry women, women can marry men, and men can marry men."

I thought: Good job, sis. But how will you explain to him about certain people in this world who don't WANT men to marry men, or women to marry women? :shrug:

[joeybee12]

55. Uh-oh...you made Baby Jesus cry...

tears of joy!

Congrats to you...yeah, it really si that simple.

[GoldenOldie]

56. Wish all kids were blessed with a parent such as you........

and the family,friends,neighbors that may be available to help and set an example in the teaching. It is hard to hate when you have been taught love.

[terrya]

57. That's a wonderful story! K&R

You handled it beautifully. This proves my assumption basic assumption about passing along bigotry to your kids...bigotry is taught. With your obviously great kid, when you explained about the lesbian couple and how they love each other...he accepted it immediately. And now, based on his early acceptance, we will have another ally. :-)

Thanks for sharing this. It made my day!

[MH1]

58. What is so difficult

(I think, based on discussion with people who fear Teh Gay)

Most parents DREAM of having grandchildren, and their minds can't grok grandchildren that aren't directly conceived in the old-fashioned way. They want things easy, 'the way they've always been', the way (they think, probably incorrectly) that it is for everyone else in their circle.

Rationally or not, they fear having to explain (or hide)their grandkids' origins ... or that they won't even have grandkids. (Grandkids = kids you get to have fun with and then send home for the parents to deal with any consequences, and no possibility of blame if the kids don't turn out ok).

Ok I am sure some one is going to jump on me for saying this but I think it's one of the big factors. People want to fit in, they don't want their kids to be 'different' in any way that they think might complicate their lives, and they fear if their kids are exposed to 'gaydom' they might <gasp> become gay themselves. (yes I know, 'become'! - but that is what they fear).

Doesn't make it right, but I think if people understand the real fears underlying a behavior, maybe there is a better chance to resolve it. (Getting the understanding out there that sexual orientation is mostly biologically determined is probably a good start, but it's going to take awhile for that to become innate knowledge that would make these fears seem silly.)

[Bluenorthwest]

59. What a good Dad you are.

And a good neighbor as well. Best of luck to you.

[Nothing Without Hope]

60. Well done. Your body language and voice tone were at least as important

as your well-chosen words. Children are extremely perceptive about signs of fear or anger, especially in their parents. The basis of bigotry is fear, and your relaxed, easy manner would have gotten across your message very well.

K & R.

[krispos42]

97. I was driving, which typically relaxes me.

Of course, driving in Connecticut typically makes me insane, but I was calm and relaxed at the time. He's used to me explaining things while I drive, sometimes rather complex things. I like explaining things (disseminating knowledge) and if you want a guy to talk a lot, ask him a question while he's driving. You'll get a lot more talking than if you were at a restraunt or in a living room! :-)

[Nothing Without Hope]

100. Interesting! I hadn't realized that. I drive in eastern Massachusetts

and the only way I can relax is to find "long cut" country roads that bypass the craziness on the highways and main streets.

Thanks for sharing your story. Encouraging to think of how this little exchange with your son may well play a part in avoiding a lot of future pain and confusion.

[krispos42]

101. I just moved back after 9 years in the Upper Midwest

I really really miss driving in Minnesota... :-(

[davsand]

61. Just the facts, Sir.

That is also pretty much how I explained it to my daughter who is now 13. She has grown up with several gay people in her life. I feel she has been blessed that she has benefited from the love and adoration of so many adults, and I think she shares that view. Frankly, to her these were just adults that she enjoyed and loved and the whole "couple" thing really wasn't on her radar until uptight adults in the rest of the world MADE it an issue.

I explained it to her (in my opinion) anyone lucky enough to find and share love was to be celebrated, and I think THAT made sense to her as well. She comes home from Jr High all kinds of pissed at the stupid shit that some of the kids say--like calling something "gay" when they don't like it. She gets equally unhappy with the racism she hears, so I guess we really have managed to offset the "redneck factor" that comes sometimes with life in a small town.

IMO, Our kids will do fine as long as we adults live and demonstrate our ideals.



Laura

[Arugula Latte]

62. I had a conversation with my son when he was about six. It went like this:

Him: Mama, can men marry men?

Me: (getting the jist of his question and not wanting to dilute it w/ talk of legality). Yes. It's more common for men to marry women, but sometimes men marry men and women marry women. All ways are fine.

Him: Okay.

[theaocp]

63. I hope this isn't too graphic,

but this reminds me of when my mom explained basic hetero intercourse to me. I was around, say, 6-7, and she explained it about as succinctly and plainly as she could. "The man puts his penis into the woman's vagina." That was it. I needed clarity, so I asked her what if the man pees inside her? She simply told me that couldn't happen. I didn't put any more thought into it until I was older. That was it. No muss, no fuss. It's time for the adults of this country to act like fucking adults. Grow up.

Thanks for the story. :)

[tpsbmam]

73. My parents were pretty much the same. It started with thunderstorms. I was

terrified of them! I heard about angels bowling and blah, blah, blah. It pretty much scared me more. Then when I was 6-years-old and terrified in the midst of a raging thunderstorm, my father sat down with me and scientifically explained thunderstorms (in an age appropriate way). I was never afraid of thunderstorms again and, as a matter of fact, grew not long after to love them and love watching them.

[defendandprotect]

64. Beautiful words .... it's just "love" ...like anyone else loving someone ....

What's hard about it is that we still have organized patriarchal religion

brainwashing other youngsters -- and adults -- from their pulpits on Sundays!

We need to put an end to that!

:)

[AllyCat]

65. Thanks for this. Your response will help me with my kids when the time comes

We want to be able to explain this to our boys. your explanation is simple and honest. Thanks!

[awoke_in_2003]

66. "My new car didn't explode"...

it's all part of god's plan to confuse you :hide:

[Bette Noir]

67. Super-duper.

You did a great job.

[Better Believe It]

70. You did good! Thank you.

[stuntcat]

71. lucky kid you got

:D :headbang:

[Roon]

72. Oh, I got to tell you about the gay talk I had with my nephew about the same age

no, I didn't just drop the gay bomb on him, he approached me...
Uncle jay?
Yes?
Do you want to hear something funny that i told my mom?
What's that,vinny?
That bobby is your husband, boys can marry boys i saw it on tv.

And that was that. My nephew is in college now, I need to ask him sometime if he remembers that.

[tpsbmam]

74. Beautifully done -- simple & straightforward. Good going, Dad! K&R n/t

[rainlillie]

75. My sister is a lesbian and she came out before my children were born..

They always saw her and her partner the same way they see my hubby and I as a couple. My sister and her partner babysit my kids when they were toddlers and formed a real tight bond with them early on, not once did either of my children question my sister's relationship. I think it helped that they were introduced to her partner at very young ages. I really think most kids only care if the person is nice.

[tomm2thumbs]

76. I love that story - thanks - Kids are such good examples sometimes!!

if only they could take over the tea party - unlike the 'children' who are running it now

[HuckleB]

78. Nice job.

[kirby]

79. When your son chooses to be gay, this post will mark the trigger...

Just kidding...Good for you explaining it to your son.

[DesertFlower]

80. K&R. nt

[Saphire]

82. pretty much the way I explained to my kids about their Aunt.

[pgodbold]

83. Thank you. I sent a link to this post to my family and friends.

[OnyxCollie]

84. K&R. nt

[NewJeffCT]

85. My daughter was taught about this in kindergarten

She's in third grade now, but I noticed that one of the things on the agenda was about families, so I asked the teacher about it and she told me that they teach them how there are all different kinds of families - some have a mother & father, some have just a mother or just a father, and some are two women or two men (forget her exact terminology)

I was surprised about that, but told her that it was great they taught that.

[krispos42]

98. I can imagine how that would go in a RW school system

"Some families have a mother and father, in accordence with God and the Bible. Some families have only a mother or father, and is is much harder for them to live, but that is the wages of sin. And some families have two mothers or two fathers, and they will burn in Hell."

:eyes:

[chill_wind]

86. Beautiful post. K & R.

[foxfeet]

90. Good on ya, krispos42.

Thanks for the uplifting post. I wish you the best for your economic situation. Your son is lucky to have you for his Dad.

[bear425]

91. Beautifully said. Good job! n/t

[TNLib]

92. I had a similar conversation with my child about a year ago

It's not that difficult to explain to a kid I don't know why some parents have such a difficult time with it.

[Heddi]

95. In the 80's, when I was in 2nd grade, a girl yelled at me "Your mom is gay!"

So I went home and asked my mom what "Gay" was.

She said that just like how some girls like boys, and some boys like girls, some girls like girls and some boys like boys. Those folks are called "gay"

So i asked my mom "But you're not gay, though, because you're married to Russell" (my step-dad at the time)

She said "no, I'm not gay"

I asked "So is there anything wrong with gay people?"

She said "Nope, not a thing"

I asked "then why did that girl call you gay? You're not gay"

She said "because She's an idiot"

I said "Oh, okay. Can I go play now?"

That was my lesson on gay/straight. I was in 2nd grade so about 8 years old or so. No confusion, no indoctrination...just facts like you laid out for your little boy!

[krispos42]

96. LOL

The bluntness is refreshing! :rofl:

[dickthegrouch]

102. Yeah, you did real good

As usual there's a relevant R&P song :D
http://romanovskyandphillips.com/politicallyrics.htm#loveisall

I'm in no way associated with R&P; I just love their music.