Introducing the handy dandy Fear Conversion Factor

[ck4829]

Have you ever wanted to infiltrate a teabagger group, but you didn't know how afraid of something you should be? Well, worry no more, the Fear Conversion Factor will take many things that the right obsesses over and just how afraid you should act in response.

Lay your house with traps, buy lots of assault rifles, drink lots of caffeine, keep your TV turned to Fox News, and always keep a piece of the True Exxon Valdez around your neck as they are the only things that can protect yourself from these Lovecraftian horrors:
Muslims building a Mosque only 50 miles away from you
A family that consists of gays
Losing the 2010 midterms and then the 2012 election

Build a moat and/or mine field in your front yard:
It's ACORN!
It's the Census!
It's not a single gay person, but a MONOGAMOUS. GAY. COUPLE.
Liberals!!!

Call the Department of Homeland Security right now:
Confirmed Muslim sighted
Overhearing a person doubting the infallibility and greatness of the Chamber of Commerce or the best health care system on Earth

Be cautious, look over your shoulder and lock your four extra dead bolts:
Is that woman wearing a shawl or something... or could that be (gasp) a hijab?!
Your neighbor is gay

Everything's all clear, don't be afraid:
Christian Right Republicans have complete control of the government
Evil regulations are currently exiled in the Phantom Zone

[Drale]

1. Maybe we can convince

the tea baggers to wear tin foil hats and pull out their fillings (because thats how the gobmnet tracks you) and stand on the street corner screaming things. I should say maybe we can convince them to go back to the street corner.