My Wife's New Cover letter.

[rsmith6621]

My wife has been unemployed for over a year. Her career path is as an administrative assistant/data entry. She has gotten tired of the politics and games in getting an employer to look at her resume and to give her a response even after having a professional assist her with her resume, so she has come up with the following cover letter that is straight to the point and honest....


Dear Recruiter,

I am a middle age grandma who was displaced by my previous employer over a year ago. I have kept up a diligent effort to find new work from day one with only a few employers looking at my resume and others I doubt have looked at it all,I have interviewed and weeks later been told I am not qualified for the position I applied for that is if they respond at all.

My resume demonstrates that I have the qualities and qualifications that your posting has asked candidates to have,I know others may meet this standard as well. So why should you offer me the job?, I am someone who will be at work everyday on time,in fact I'll be 15 minutes early. I will give you 9 hours work for 8 hours pay. I will not play inter office games and I will mind my own business when it is not business related. I will also not be sizing people up based on their image,I accept people as they are. My biggest strength is that I will follow through to the best of my ability so that both the company and customer have an outcome that is beneficial to both parties.

So now you know who I am and what to expect from me. I just need to get back to work so I can assist in changing at least one life,that being my granddaughter.

Sincerely,

[Ian David]

1. beneficial to both *parties.* n/t

[lunasun]

22. i would say that line gets it to circular file

[Brickbat]

2. A little advice from someone who has read a lot of these.

Spell everything correctly (there are several spelling and grammar errors) and don't identify yourself as a grandma. Give specifics on what you do well. The last sentence makes it sound like you're desperate and you'll be more focused on your granddaughter than your job.

[rsmith6621]

4. Thanks but......

....she is tired of playing a game that is time consuming and likely is not even reviewed by most recruiters.... Her resume list her strengths and her quality's why does it need to be redundant???


We think most HR personal have serious social issues so they create all these hoops just so they can have some satisfaction of knowing they have some power.

[Maru Kitteh]

6. It's *qualities* - and it needs to show her in her best possible light.

Did you write the letter for her?

[Fumesucker]

7. It sounds as if her job might include some writing..

Those hiring her will want to know that she is capable of correct grammar, punctuation and spelling if writing is indeed part of her normal job description. Even writing emails in a professional setting should be done as accurately and grammatically as possible.

[Brickbat]

8. Hirers don't even get to most resume because of the state of the cover letter. Think of the

cover letter as a mini resume, highlighting the very best points of your resume and showing how those points will fit into the new job.

I totally agree with you about your opinions on HR, but you cannot let those opinions show in the letter, and right now, they do.

[Fumesucker]

10. Yep, the letter should be as impersonal as possible..

Just the facts, Ma'am.

[Brickbat]

11. Well, it can be personable, but you really have to remember you're selling yourself.

And honestly, when I read this letter, I hear, "I'm sick of this bullshit, I have no idea why no one's hiring me, I desperately need a job to help raise my granddaughter." And it's compelling, but not for a manager who's hiring.

[Fumesucker]

14. Yeah, that's what I got from it too..

I can't say I blame either of them for feeling that way, I gave up looking for a job a long time ago and have been working on starting my own business but that's a long, hard row to hoe and I'm close but not quite there yet.

[TBF]

13. Agree, and she should go through a recruiter if at all possible -

some type of placement company. They will coach her. I rarely sent resumes blindly to companies back in the 90's when everyone was hiring and my specialty paid well. I always went through recruiters because so many companies don't do their own hiring, even if they do have a way to submit resumes on their website. HR folks don't have enough hours in a lifetime to go through everything they receive.

[Lisa0825]

34. HR is mostly liberal, FYI.... including me, but thanks for the broadbrush :-|

And FWIW, typos, spelling, grammar, and punctuation indicate attention to detail.

Best of luck to her.... I mean that, even though you took a swipe at my profession.

[lapislzi]

28. Yes.

PM me if you want editorial advice. This is my job.

[Sonoman]

29. Exellent advice, I was going to recommend the same points. nt

[Maru Kitteh]

3. No offense, but a professional should spell well, and a cover letter should have proper

punctuation and grammar - even one delivered tongue-in-cheek.

[Reginald Fairfield]

5. When writing cover letters and resumes, always observe the official rules of grammar.

[TBF]

9. As a former recruiter I'd advise her not to do this -

particularly not with the grammatical and spelling errors, but even written perfectly I'd never respond to this and it's not because of her age.

I would advise her to contact recruiting companies (because they know where the jobs are - companies receive thousands of resumes with today's technology and many don't do their own recruiting/interviewing because of that), and have a recruiter emphasize her skills (computer skills, professional demeanor, loyalty, etc...).

[Tesha]

19. If she's sending out a lot of résumés, it might be interesting...

...to try this cover letter on *A PORTION* of them
and see if it has any effect, either positive or
negative, on the response rate.

Frankly, if edited a little, I think it might
garner some positive responses. For the job level
at which she seems to be looking, merely being
willing to show up with a positive attitude and
being willing to do the work might well be viewed
as a positive distinguishing characteristic. (I'm
not sure I'd offer "nine hours work for eight
hours pay; legally, a non-exempt employee (that
is, an "hourly" employee) can't be treated in
that way.)

For quite a few years, Mr. Tesha has been using
a résumé that is in a style/form that "professional
recruiters" assure him is just awful and doomed to
failure, but somehow, that résumé has managed to
land him several very nice jobs and he's now
earning more than he's ever earned in his life.
So "professional recruiters" aren't the last
word in what sells and you don't always have
to take their opinions as gospel.

As I said, a nicely controlled experiment with
that cover letter might be a lot of fun.

Tesha

[TBF]

23. Perhaps, depending upon where she lives and how much time she has to do this.

As a recruiter for temps I would often call in folks for interviews that others wouldn't (including moms, grandmas, new grads etc ...) but I can tell you many won't.

Honestly when hiring managers are looking through stacks of resumes it becomes an exercise in weeding out folks until you get a manageable number of people to call in. In this market, unless I had special skills, I'd be careful with "experimentation".

But congrats to Mr. Tesha on his success - and obviously having a personality isn't a bad thing. In that particular letter, however, I heard a lot of anger in the candidate and that's why I wouldn't call her.

[RebelOne]

12. May I offer some critical editing?

I was a copy editor for over 15 years, and I see many errors in your wife's letter. Here are some corrections that I recommend.


I am a middle-aged grandma who was displaced by my previous employer over a year ago. I have kept up a diligent effort to find new work from day one with only a few employers looking at my resume and others I doubt have looked at it all. I have interviewed, and weeks later have been told I am not qualified for the position for which I applied.

My resume demonstrates that I have the qualities and qualifications that your posting has asked candidates to have. I know others may meet this standard as well. So why should you offer me the job? I am someone who will be at work every day on time. In fact, I'll be 15 minutes early. I will give you 9 hours work for 8 hours pay. I will not play inter-office games, and I will mind my own business when it is not business related. I will also not be sizing people up based on their image, I accept people as they are. My biggest strength is that I will follow through to the best of my ability so that both the company and customers have an outcome that is beneficial to both parties.

So now you know who I am and what to expect from me. I just need to get back to work so I can assist in changing at least one life, that being my granddaughter.

[Fumesucker]

16. Isn't the life she is changing her granddaughter's?

:evilgrin:

:hi:

[ET Awful]

15. There's nothing wrong with being honest, but if she's applying for an administrative assistant

position, she should be positive that there are NO grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors in the cover letter or the resume.

Looking at that cover letter, if I were the hiring manager, I would very likely disregard it because of grammar.

I would pay particular attention to things like the word "grandma" as opposed to "grandmother". Most companies would also be extremely reluctant to consider someone who disparages their prior employer (she may not have meant to disparage her prior workplace, but the first sentences can give that impression).

I would make no reference to my age, or family in the letter.

Something along these lines would likely receive closer scrutiny:

Dear xxxx: (note that a colon, not a comma is the correct way to introduce a formal letter)

I am writing in response to your advertisement (or posting or whatever is appropriate) for an administrative assistant.

As evidenced by my attached resume, I have many years experience as an administrative assistant. I also have an extensive array of skills which I believe would be of great benefit to your company.

I am certain that you will receive an extremely large number of responses to your advertisement for this position, so I feel inclined to explain why I may be a better candidate that many others. I have an extremely strong work ethic and am willing to go above and beyond what most would consider the standard for such a position. I am willing to start early, work late, and go the extra mile to insure that all tasks are completed in a timely fashion. I believe that customer satisfaction is of the utmost importance and strive to achieve results that are not merely satisfactory to myself and my employer, but which exceed those expectations whenever possible.

I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to meet with you so we can discuss my qualifications in greater detail. I truly believe that such a meeting would be beneficial to both of us.

Thank you for your time and attention,


XXXXXXX

[Brickbat]

17. Here's a place to start on a rewrite:

To whom it may concern:

I saw your listing for the XXX position and am excited to apply. My ability to X, Y and Z will make great attributes for the position.

As someone with a long employment history, I am dedicated to my work. I am proud of my ability to focus on the task at hand and see it through to the end without being distracted from the goal. As you can see from my resume, (then a bunch of specifics here about her abilities and how they would fit into the position). In my previous positions, I have (specific accomplishments). I would bring this same level of performance to the position you have posted.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Closing.

[TBF]

21. Yup, that one I'd call. nt

[RebelOne]

32. Too stiff and formal. n/t

[Brickbat]

33. As I say, it's a place to start.

Better stiff and formal than desperate and bitter.

[Nye Bevan]

37. Nice rewrite.

It's great to be a grandma but that doesn't really belong in a job application.

[Yon_Yonson]

18. I like this approach ....

I got sick and tired of trying to sell myself back when I was 53 (that would have been in 2002) and had just lost two engineering jobs. Went from making big greenback to collecting unemployment and instead of doing the bankruptcy route my spouse and I started a small home based business on a shoe string budget. We avoided losing our home, still doing the home based business and frankly I don’t miss corporate amerika at all. It’s been a hell of a joy ride but we were forced into our life style and now have little expectations from anybody except our own ability to survive. One day at a time!

[ohheckyeah]

20. I hate to tell you

but all that letter will accomplish is getting her resume thrown in the trash.

Please, take the advice in the thread and re-write the letter.

[lumberjack_jeff]

24. I love this letter. But then again, I'm self employed.

I hate the job hunting game cuz I suck at it, but sadly, playing it is mandatory.

[Yo_Mama]

25. You have got to fix this - it is too illiterate and it sounds too angry

The anger part is crucial, but errors like this in the letter are deadly. Also do not put the stuff about the grandchild in there. It's going to convey entirely the wrong impression.

Your wife does have things to offer. Make this letter sell those things!

How about something like:

I am a woman with {insert accurate description of experience/ 26 1/2 years of experience in office administration and data entry.} I lost my previous job due to a mass layoff and ever since, I have been searching diligently for employment. I know many others with experience are doing the same, and that anyone reading this letter will have a number of well-qualified applications to review.

Why should you interview me? If you will review my resume, you will see that I have the qualities, qualifications and experience that you need to fill your position.

I also bring far more than experience, flexibility and a very good work history to your company. I chose and still choose to do this type of work. I believe that it is important work and that it must be done well. I will be in the office every morning before the start of the business day, and I will be working at my desk, concentrating on the tasks at hand throughout the business day. I do not play office politics, I get along with my coworkers, and I treat customers and colleagues with courtesy and concern. As my history of work stability at {insert reference to long job tenure], I will contribute to your business and develop with it. I have a long history of learning different technologies and adapting to fit a changing work environment.

You will be proud of hiring me. My supervisor will come to regard me as a valuable and reliable resource. I believe I can convince you of this in an interview as we discuss my past experience and your current needs.

Thank you for your time,

etc

When your wife goes into the interview, she has to be in the mindset to sell herself and present herself as being focused on the job. A lot of people will take a job like this because they need a job, but they will be looking for something better. Many younger people have a poorer work ethic and tend to be distracted by personal concerns. She needs to present herself as being focused on this job and what it requires, as being certain that she is competent, and most of all, as being someone who is cheerful, energetic, flexible and interested in learning and contributing.

I understand why the information about the grandchild was included, but one of the great advantages your wife has is that employers will expect a person her age to be focused on the job without distractions. It is an advantage - a big one, and if she can convince an HR department that she will be focused on and truly interested in the job, she will have a natural advantage over younger persons who might be viewed as more flexible.

She must - she absolutely must - appear not to be embittered.

Best of luck to her and to you both. This economy is so difficult that it is like being fed through the meat grinder for many.

[athena]

43. These are great comments.

I hope the OP will give them serious consideration. I agree that going into an interview with a positive attitude is essential.

[bbinacan]

26. Is this a joke?

I hope so.

[Dreamer Tatum]

27. Do you expect that letter to get her an interview, much less hired?

It's combative. I'd toss it in the trash.

[TBA]

30. I have taken a similar approach - honesty

Most cover letters are yadda yadda yadda...

I write mine with an edge and try to be more personable.

We'll see how it works out.

[Curmudgeoness]

31. I really do understand the frustration that your wife has.

I am also an older office worker who goes to interviews just to see the look in the interviewers eyes that says "oh god, she is too old". There are already many great suggestions in the threads and I cannot do better than what others have said. To emphasize that you are not a young chick, just the hint of "over 30 years experience" will tell them without throwing it in their face.

I would love to let these HR people know what assholes they are, but that will not get you a job offer.

I also had no luck with a resume created for me by a professional, and went back to my own style that has always gotten me interviews, so it must work. My trick is not to list any places that I worked, with years listed. Instead I list job titles and duties, as well as accomplishments at those positions. (This style was something I developed when I had several job turnovers in a short period of time and I did not want to show this in my resume.)

In the letter, I did not cover what was covered in the resume. I like what you did with the positive attributes like hard work, being there and being on time, focussing on your duties, etc.

I wish your wife all the luck in the world!

[Lisa0825]

35. For goodness sakes, how many times do I see all HR called assholes at a so called liberal site?????

There are HR people here aside from me! We like to help people! Don't insult us! I stopped going to the Careers forum because of the frequent disparaging comments. This is so fucking disheartening! While studying for the PHR test, I was even told that most HR people are social liberals and when in doubt to choose your answer accordingly. We are not demons! Don't blame us for the job market!

:banghead:

[madinmaryland]

36. I'm sorry, but I have been in the "corporate world" for 30 years, with multiple companies

and have yet to meet a compassionate HR person. The job of the human relations person is to tow the line and policies of the company.

I have no idea what most HR folks' political views are, but other than yours, I would hesitate to say they are liberals.

[TBF]

41. I am a former HR manager/recruiter - and I am socialist

You are completely correct about the role of HR as viewed by the owners. Many of us get into the career because we like working with people (ie that's going to mean a lot of left-leaning folks), but all you have to do is sit in a couple meetings with executives to figure out you're going to be helping folks only if it doesn't threaten the bottom line. For example, you may institute a flex time policy which helps folks manage their schedule (and thereby saves the company from paying overtime). I would hazard a guess that Mr. Obama sometimes feels like an HR manager in his role. He's only going to throw crumbs if it's something the owners don't care about (and doesn't cost them money - like DODT).

Notice I said "former". My last role was recruiting, and I declined to go back after my second child was born. We live on less money but it's enough to live fairly comfortably. And I am much happier hanging out with my kids then trying to add to the bottom line (which ultimately screws workers one way or another), and grateful I'm able to be in this position for as long as I can.

[Curmudgeoness]

40. I am sorry you get lumped into the HR stereotype, but

I have yet to know an HR person who is compassionate or understanding to applicants. I have had good experiences with the HR people if I am an employee who needs help, but the attitude towards people on the outside looking in is not usually good. It does not have to do with the job market, since I have seen this through good and bad times. I am sure that there are great HR people who feel for the people applying, who will call or send a letter to people who took the time to interview and let them know that the position has been filled and who will not look down on the interviewee. I did not mean to judge with such a broad brush.

[TBF]

42. Often company policy is to only call applicants back if you are offering a position -

I know it sucks. Just explaining. It always is going to benefit the owners you know, anything HR folks can do to help out folks is going to be incidental to the profit motive. That's how it is with capitalism, no matter what someone's best intentions might be when they do into the career.

[Hippo_Tron]

38. The middle paragraph actually has some good things in it

I'd start from there. The 15 minutes early and 9 hours for 8 hours pay is a theme you could really take and expand upon it to go to make it the theme of the whole cover letter. Even the part about minding your own business and not playing office politics, while a tad bit unconventional, might be worth a shot depending on where she is applying.

But cut out both the last and the first paragraphs. Every sentence of a good cover letter tells the potential employer how you can help THEM. Complaining about not having your resume looked at and saying you want this job because of your granddaughter, doesn't do that.

You can be brutally honest in a cover letter without telling your life story and complaining about your woes.

[Broderick]

39. I like it

I like passion when looking at cover letters. Grammar, spelling and punctuation is easily fixed.