What the World Needs Now

[William769]

Thinking back on the time he discovered his status, our columnist makes a case for compassion for those new to living with HIV


Being diagnosed with HIV creates a weird emotional conflict. First, you are told you have this horrible disease, and then five seconds later you’re being told to think positively because “you will live longer than anyone else ever has!” At least that’s what my doctor said in a chipper voice the day I was diagnosed. I remember crying and smiling at the time because I was worried he would think I didn’t hear him.

But the smiling disappeared. I found myself disgusted by my own body. I cringed at the sight of my urine. My own blood was jarring to me. Even though I was by all accounts perfectly healthy, I soon found the mental impact of this experience to be more than I could handle. One day, I was so paralyzed by my own thoughts I couldn’t even muster the energy to get out of bed. That was the first time I ever missed work.

I was constantly trying to make sense of an issue it seemed the rest of the world had long ago figured out. I watched HIV-positive friends date and form great outlooks on the world. I tried, but I only grew sadder each day. I would wake up feeling drunk and nauseous each morning due to my medication. Each day was becoming more unproductive than the previous. I was exhausted. I once had run seven miles a day, and now I barely went to the gym. My personality was gone. The former me—outgoing and assertive—was now withdrawn and unhappy.

http://www.hivplusmag.com/Story.asp?id=2213&categoryid=1&issue_emi=current&jt=0