Roundup of late night comedy show jokes about the candidates.

[JohnnyRingo]

...because it's good to start the week with a smile on our faces. And these are before the flood of pepperoni and whopper jokes you know are coming this week.

“In a new interview, Rick Perry said it was a mistake for him to participate in the presidential debates. Perry said ‘I’m not one of these ‘word talkers.”’ –Conan O’Brien

“Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that taxes should be flat, just like the earth.” –Jay Leno

“Rick Perry is now behind in the polls and he’s not taking it well. Today he executed his pollster.” –David Letterman

“Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery.” –Conan O’Brien

“Michele Bachmann told reporters that she will lead the nation in prayer if she is elected president. You know if she is elected president, we all better be praying. She doesn’t have to lead us.” –Jay Leno

“Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich said that next month they’re going to take part in a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. The only similarity to the actual Lincoln-Douglas debates is that no one will watch them on television.” –Conan O’Brien

“Michele Bachmann’s campaign is in a lot of trouble. Five staffers quit her campaign, claiming it was because she treated them like second-class citizens. However, Bachmann said, ‘That’s not true. At no time did I treat them like gays or Latinos.’” –Conan O’Brien

“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He’s going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn’t a steak.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Out badass ninja black president did it again. Don’t fuck with this guy. So far this year he’s killed Somali pirates, he killed bin Laden, he killed al-Awlaki,, now he’s killed Gaddafi. The only threat to our way now is from Bank of America.” –Bill Maher

“These Republicans, they will not give credit. They gave credit to the rebels, to the British, and to the French. But they would not mention the president. It was like they were on a game show and the password was ‘Obama.’ They’re like the banks; they will not give a black man credit.” –Bill Maher, on Gaddafi’s death

“In their world, Gaddafi died of natural causes, Bin Laden was shot in the face by the free market. You should’ve heard them, we went in too strong, everything they could’ve said that he did wrong. It’s like there’s some kind of hidden Republican clitoris, that they won’t let Obama find, and whenever he tries, they’re like ‘that’s not it!’” –Bill Maher

via: http://mariopiperni.com/