Looking back---I don't think I've ever showered with my kids.

[trumad]

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with showering with your infant kids...Infant being the key word---but I think doing it after 5 is maybe a bit to old.

Sandusky admitting that he showered with 10-13 year old boys and "horsing around" in the shower, is just fucking creepy and clearly indicates he's got a problem.

[rfranklin]

1. "My erect penis may have inadvertently slipped into his rear end..."

This guy is not being well advised. Or he is getting off on walking on fire.

[ejpoeta]

2. well, i certainly wouldn't be showering with someone else's kids.

and yes, i think after about five is a bit much. I do get in the bathtub with my girls, but that is because my 2 year old doesn't like getting her hair washed and i have to climb in there to wash her hair. but then again, i am clothed except maybe wearing shorts. The idea of showering with my 12 year old is just beyond me.... wouldn't even consider it. Definitely wouldn't even consider it with someone not my own kid.

[trumad]

3. Right...

I have two teenage boys and would never think of hopping in the shower with them.

Not even if we were at a Gym and had just worked out.

[sammytko]

5. I am female and never did our female coach shower with us

She was there in the office next to the lockers, and came in as needed - break up a brawl - lol - but we never saw her naked!

[Cid_B]

11. If you went to the gym with your sons would you let them shower with other adults?

Are you saying that they would shower but you wouldn't?

or are you saying that you would all stay stinky until you went home and could shower individually?

Not trying to put words in your mouth but am asking for clarification.

[blueamy66]

16. How many 10 year olds go to the gym?

Really?

[spinbaby]

27. They do

I belong to a fitness center that has a pool and offers swim lessons to children, so we have a lot of them. We also have private family locker rooms and the children aren't allowed in the regular locker rooms.

[ehrnst]

30. 10 year olds go to the public pool - there are showers there.

My 8 year old son is instructed to shower in his trunks.

[Cid_B]

37. I dunno about 10 years olds...

In my minds eye I was thinking about some 12ish year olds working out with their dad that I saw this morning at the gym.

[trumad]

33. Been to hundreds of gyms

And have never seen a 10 year old boy shower with adult men in a communal shower.

[ehrnst]

34. How about public pools? (nt)

[trumad]

35. Never...

First off---10 year old boys are very shy...

Second---most men would feel uncomfortable showering in front of a child.

[eShirl]

4. It's like Michael Jackson not getting that sleeping with young children isn't normal.

same oh-i'm-so-innocent creepiness

[seabeyond]

6. both hubby and i did with oldest. colick, was the best for him, soothing and he loved it

that would be a couple months old

[Lyric]

8. I actually have photos of me in the tub with LyricKid when he was 3 days old.

It was his first bath, and I was nursing him, so we took the bath together. The photos are incredibly beautiful, looking back. It was a very special family moment.

:hi:

[seabeyond]

12. we have those, too. oldest was skin on skin. whenever bothered one of us would strip and lay him

on top of us. or cocoon him. he was very much into that, well tucked in. i have more pictures of hubby napping with son

[AmBlue]

26. Colicky babies are a different thing...

...and I don't think that is what the OP is asking. With reference to the age of the violated children-- 8, 9, 10, 12yo children-- though I too once or twice had to calm my oldest son when he was a nursing infant in a warm bathtub, I would never, ever, ever (NO EXCEPTIONS!!) bathe with either of my sons while naked after the infant stage. Most certainly not now that they are over the age of 8yo. Boys at that age are beginning to have all kinds of sexual thoughts and questions, and by the age of 12yo are pickled in hormones that they don't know what to do with.

There is simply no reason, and NO EXCUSE, in my opinion, for ANY adult bathing with a child naked. Even if at a gym with dad and son working out, there are too many predators out there. It hurts nothing to wait until you get home to shower.

[Lyric]

7. I think it depends on culture.

I don't bathe with my son and haven't since he was small, but I don't necessarily think that ALL incidents of parents bathing with their kids is necessarily immoral. There are lots of other cultures in which that kind of thing is considered normal, and there's nothing sexual about it at all. I know there was a case not long ago where an immigrant couple lost custody of their kids because there was a picture of the Dad kissing his newborn son's penis that was seen by a Wal-Mart photo developer and reported as molestation. When all the details came out, apparently this "kiss" is part of a cultural ritual in which the father celebrates the birth of a male child. It's not a sexual thing. I can't remember for sure, but I *think* they were Pakistani. In the end, the charges were dropped and they got their kids back, but imagine the trauma they all went through over that mess.

It's not unthinkable that there might be cultures in which "the family shower" or "the family bath" is as normal and accepted as "the family bed".

I will say that if you adhere to our typical AMERICAN culture, that sort of thing is probably not a good idea, if only because people WILL assume the worst and it's better not to take that chance. But I wouldn't want to go throwing people from other cultures into prison and/or taking away their kids, just because they were doing something non-predatory that's considered "normal" in their culture, or has some special cultural or religious significance for them.

[spinbaby]

36. Common in Japan

Or used to be, anyway. Disney held off releasing children's movie "My Neighbor Totoro" for years because it showed a father bathing with his two daughters.

[LAGC]

9. There's nothing inherently wrong with an adult and child in a communal shower together.

Touching while naked in the shower is the problem.

(A very big problem, which Sandusky already confessed to, it sounds like.)

[TBF]

10. My hubby will shower with them after the gym sometimes -

he goes to the gym after work & by the time he gets home they're getting ready for bed (both under 9). They all wear swimsuits - it is hilarious.

[tularetom]

13. James Dobson of Focus on the Family says you should do that

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/06/24/541003/-James-Dobson-and-showering-with-boys

He says, aw hell just read it for yourself. I don't even want to type it.

[JoePhilly]

14. I've heard some of the quotes from that .... he claims it keeps the gay away.

The dude is insane.

[seabeyond]

15. i remember when that came out. just horrible. the extreme on the two sides of this coin

it is simply pathetic and people listen to this man.

[JohnnyLib2]

23. "aw hell...."

Perfect!
:rofl:

[AmBlue]

28. James Dobson has no business dispensing such advice.

This man is a certifiable nutball in my book. This is only further evidence.

[qanda]

17. We used to bathe with our kids when they were little

But I would NEVER have bathed with someone else's child-- not even one of my nieces or nephews! That is just sick!!!!

[LWolf]

18. I bathed with my babies. I've got pictures.

I don't think I ever showered. Their dad may have taken them into the shower a few times.

By the time they were toddlers, we weren't bathing or showering with them. We were still bathing them; just not in there WITH them.

[izquierdista]

19. I think the Romans did that quite a bit

Both in the tepidarium and the calderium. They also had no dividers at the toilet stalls. I mean how can you carry on a conversation with the person next to you when there is a wall in the way?

[Pacifist Patriot]

20. For the sake of expedience I showered with my kids when they were very young.

I have no idea how old they were when we stopped, but probably around four. I can say for certain I never showered with anyone younger than me who didn't spring from these loins.

[Maine-ah]

24. my daughter just turned five

it's been a couple of months since I've jumped in the shower with her, or her jumping in with me. I'm ok with it. I've always let her in the bathroom with me and I think that is why she was potty trained before she turned two. Hubby hasn't let her in for a long time now. That stopped just about the time she started asking questions when she was around 2-3 years old.

[madinmaryland]

21. What you are seeing is his defense strategy taking place. He appears to be

going for the "creepy" but not "criminal" defense.

[hlthe2b]

22. That recorded interview is just creepy... Every time I hear a clip from it...

it sort of makes my skin crawl. EWWWW.

[Atman]

31. He was asked why he started the foundation, and instead of talking about a mission...

...he said it was because he was "a frustrated playground director" and that he liked kids and being around kids and playing with kids. No talk about HELPING kids, or about what the foundation was for. That should have sent every red flag flying immediately.

.

[blue neen]

25. Trumad, TEN more victims have come forward since Sandusky's arrest last week.

...and he's still maintaining his innocence. Amazing.

[ehrnst]

29. My 8 year old sometimes gets in the shower with my husband when they're both caked with dirt

from working or playing outside in the mud - and my husband makes sure his hair is washed thoroughly. He bathed with same sex buddies up until age 6. When he goes to the public pool, he knows to shower with his trunks on. My husband and I talked about this when the Sandusky story broke. We knew that we needed to talk to him about this.

So, we talked with him in context that this was a person that the little boy's parents trusted, yet this person hurt the boy. We told him that he hurt the boy with his penis, and that the coach was very sick mentally in a way that other adults could not see.

We told him that the boy was afraid to tell anyone because so many people liked the coach, and he thought that no one would believe him, or that they would be mad at him and blame him. We told Henry that people believe the boy, and now that they know about the coach, he won't be hurting any other kids.

He knows that he should not let anyone other than a physician touch him where where his bathing suit covers. We talked about how he was going to be showering with others in a couple of year after gym class, and that groups of same sex people doing that was normal.

We told him that showering naked with any adult other than dad or older kid - even one that wasn't touching him - was not OK, and that we would not be mad if he told us or anyone else about being asked to do so.

This was a tough one. But I'm grateful for the impetus that the story gave us to put what is a fun ritual with Dad into context.


Edited to add:

He also sometimes goes skinny dipping with Grandma and Grandpa in the summer in Maine. I actually think that it's good for him to see healthy human bodies in a shame free, danger free setting. My mom and stepdad are two wonderful hippies and there's no shame or creepiness. They always ask if he's OK with it. Hopefully, this will give him a sense of the nude body as something other than pornographic, which is how I think many kids in this culture are shown it.

[hunter]

32. Nudity wasn't a big deal in my family when I was growing up.

Take off your clothes, jump in the ocean, sauna, shower, whatever. Or not.

But I also developed a very good sense of what was creepy, and what wasn't.

Occasionally there'd be a creepy guy in the locker rooms of a public pool or gym, and there were middle aged woman in our community who'd try to seduce teenage boys and sometimes succeeded.

By all accounts, Sandusky's "horsing around" was creepy.