In a move that surprised few, President Barack Obama called a press conference this morning and, midway through discussing his tortured reasoning behind engaging in a third war in the Muslim World, ripped off his Obama mask to reveal the smirking visage of former president George W. Bush.
“Fooled you, didn’t I?” queried the president, as his voice slipped from the mellifluous Obama cadence to the familiar nasal pseudo-drawl of the 43rd president, like Kevin Spacey losing his gimp at the end of The Usual Suspects.
The gathered press corps murmured a few congratulatory wishes on his having kept up the disguise for so long, but most agreed that the ruse had grown obvious in recent weeks. Even Bush himself allowed, “I thought maybe when I came out in favor of those tax cuts for all my buddies out there in the, what are called the ‘gated communities,’ y’all would see me comin.’ But boom! I managed to get to Ghaddafi, too. See, freedom’s on the march. That’s because we’re freedom-marchers. We love freedom.”
Suspicion had grown around the ersatz Obama, not only for the bombing of Libya and the continuation of the Bush tax cuts, but also for the administration’s reed-thin defense of workers’ rights and total failure to hold Wall Street accountable for the misdeeds that led to the current recession.
Bush did not answer questions as to the location of the actual Barack Obama, but one theory is that the duly elected president of the United States and former senator from Illinois never actually existed, but was in fact a long-running joke established by the Bush family sometime during the presidency of George Herbert Walker Bush. Conservatives who have long held that Obama was born outside the United States have now updated their theories to reflect the idea that Obama was, in fact, never born at all.
“Now, sure, I had to throw the Democrat electorialates a bone or two, just to keep everything on what we call the ‘up and up,’ ” Bush allowed. “Let the sodomites in the military and all that. But we can turn that around just as fast as we let it happen. Freedom’s marching, all right, just not for those sissies. … And a lot of what we did is what I like to call ‘reverse psychiatry.’ Like that healthcare bill that got my side fightin’ again and pissed off all the pinkos at the same time for not havin’ their sociologimized medicine.”
Bush chuckled awhile before adding, “I gotta admit, though, that idea came from Karl
.”
Bush then did a little shuffling dance before disappearing into the Oval Office. As he had already served two terms, both former Vice President Dick Cheney and current Vice President Joe Biden claimed to be president, as did former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and current Speaker John Boehner, whom Bush referred to in his press conference as Old Man Cheney, Joey Bag o’ Donuts, Lizard Lips and Tanny McTannerson, respectively.
More: http://bit.ly/fdbaDx
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
