How do you cope when family members are married to right-wingers?

[Darth_Kitten]

:(

Now think my niece "may" be married to one. :eyes: Is it bad enough my sister married a holier-than-thou hypocrite who essentially kept their kids from having regular relationships with extended family?

They come across as regular, home-loving guys to the world, but...

Oh, well, I'm so sick of this. :(

[MineralMan]

1. Nothing much you can do. In my extended family, we

have an unwritten rule that politics and religion are not discussed at family gatherings. It works pretty well. There are other topics, so we stick to them. Fishing, kids, cars, school, old times. That sort of thing. It keeps things civil.

[northoftheborder]

2. My son converted his wife from a rabid rightwinger family.

Her mother and family make fun of Obama all the time, my son tells me, but they refrain from saying anything when I am around. My grandaughter is being brainwashed by her other grandmother, I can tell! But she and I have a good relationship and I'm sure I and her father can keep her schooled in our philosophy. I know where their viewpoint came from; the other grandparents were employed by a large prominent company from a dominant industry. However, they are of humble means, and the Repub. policies are not good for any of them, if they could just realize it.

[William769]

3. The same way I do with family members that are right wingers.

I don't cope with it at all I tell them what I think and if they don't like it they can get the fuck away from me. But thats just me.

[Darth_Kitten]

5. Well, I put slightly disguised postings on my Facebook....

I wouldn't out and out confront them, as now that they are older, I at least have some kind of contact with them (Facebook is good for something) :eyes: I just hope they don't love their spouses for their political outlook :eyes: THAT would really be disappointing. :(

It's also good that there's an election coming up (in my country) so what I write wouldn't be so out of line. :evilgrin: I always know how to get a dig or two in. :evilgrin:

[Cal33]

34. Hey! I just looked up your profile and see that you live in Canada.

I'm glad that Canada has a law that forbids deliberate falsification of
news, so that Rupert Murdoch's recent attempt to establish himself also in
Canada was rejected. His reputation for deliberately falsifying news has preceded him.

When I was in Canada a while back, I really appreciated watching the evening
news. I had the feeling I was learning something worthwhile everyday. The
information covered not only Canada, but also many other parts of the world.

Here in the USA the right-wingers have brought down the level of journalism
to the point of degeneration. They have succeeded in dumbing the people
down. That's what corporate America wants, so that they can manipulate
the people more easily.

Too bad we don't have a law like yours.

[Darth_Kitten]

37. Yup....

we have a federal election coming up. :) I don't want to see a Conservative majority, and the attack ads, though not as bad as I'm sure Americans are used to, are pretty low. Oh, well.

:)

[babsbunny]

7. Loves it!

My Son is a Righty, loves Glenn Beckkk. His Wife removed me from her list of Facebook Friends because of stuff I post. I haven't talked to her for a year, and really wish it could last forever. But I miss my Grandkids so much!

[Scuba]

13. A polite "with all due respect, bullshit" works for me.

[iamtechus]

4. My oldest son has gone right-wing

And his two daughters, my grown grand-daughters, have asked me what to do about him. I hate to take sides in such matters but this really puts me on the spot. I've just told them that he's crazier than a bedbug and not to take him seriously.

[Darth_Kitten]

6. Sad.

:(

Like your picture by the way. :D

[BoWanZi]

8. Talking about politics/religion is a choice. Make the choice NOT to talk about politics/religion.

Its really simple, just don't discuss politics and religion when it will probably not lead to good things.

I never post anything political or religious on my facebook. Never. I don't want to offend anyone and cause a ruckus. I don't know if some of my FB friends are repubs or democrats or whatever. I don't feel like causing a conflict that would only lead to bad feelings and lost of friendships. Bring the same thought process to family events where there are possibly people who are not Democrats.

Avoid the conflict, and you will be much happier. And from what it sounds like, they try to avoid making fun of Obama so hopefully they will honor the same thought process.

[rucky]

9. The only time my father in law and I talk politics is after he's been drinking.

It's scary and amusing at the same time.

[Iggo]

21. Yep. And it's sad.

I do that with my brother-in-law, and he and my sister have noticed that I talk to him as either a stranger or a customer. All smiles and no substance. It bothers them and it bothers me more than I think they know. And it's sad. But I'm not going to war with him in my kitchen (again), and that's that.

[Mojorabbit]

33. That is exactly how I am handling it

with my brother and brother in law. I have no idea what happened to my brother as he was not raised that way and after a horrific run in with my BIL I have distanced myself emotionally and if he even hints of politics, I make polite excuses and leave, otherwise it is a smile plastered on my face and shallow conversation.

[dixiegrrrrl]

32. Only way to have a calmer life down here, neck deep in fundies.

Religion and politics are not discussed among the politer elements of our community, because Southern code of manners
( yes, there is a code, and there are manners) trumps voicing strong disagreement at the neighborhood/social level, and one would never call someone out for an opposing point of view,
( unless that "idjit" were being discussed among
like minded close friends or family. NEVER in causal company.)

Not one soul in my neighborhood has commented on my Democratic Underground bumper sticker, nor have I said anything
about their neolithic Republican mentality and yard signs.

When Mr d was suddenly hospitalized last summer, the grapevine went into overdrive and those rabid Regressives were at the door within the hour with hot dishes, offers of help, "do you need your lawn mowed---something at the grocery store picked up--we will keep an eye on the house when you are at the hospital...etc etc....."

Ironically, my family of origin, way over there on the West Coast, do not have those kind of manners, family gatherings were often loud and ugly over differing views.
Which is why I have not seen most of them for over 20 years.

[Biker13]

40. That's Been My Experience...

with Southerners, and why I don't get the whole "redneck" thing.

I was raised in Connecticut, lived in NJ, and worked in NYC all my life. I'm in Idaho now, and the nicest people I have ever met were in the South, or here in Idaho.

Politics, while important to us, aren't the be all and end all to everyone.

How you treat others (as you experienced with your friends and neighbors) counts more, in my book.

Nice to "meet" you, dixiegrrrrl!

Biker's Old Lady

[renate]

43. thanks for this post!

It warmed my heart (except for the part about your family of origin... that's really too bad). Thank you for this reminder that people's politics don't say everything about the kinds of human beings they are.

[PassingFair]

10. My brother married a religious woman.

He was pretty a-political when we were growing up.

She home schooled their three boys.
They are now 24,23, and 20 and all
three are still living at home.

My brother has become increasingly right-wing,
speaking out against "entitlements" and unions,
even though he works FOR THE CITY AND IS IN A UNION.

He's pretty much a selfish bastard with it comes
to his worldview.

My family does NOT tone it down when he or his wife
are around, because they are a minority of ONE family
in our big, liberal bunch.

His children are given no special consideration when
they try to spout right-wing-isms at family gatherings.

They have learned to keep their mouths shut, or face
looking like dumbasses.

It used to amuse me that they would spout THEIR PARENT'S
opinions at family gatherings, and then look to them
for backup when someone took them up on their gibberish.

Their parents looks would say "You're on your own", because
they knew their positions were INDEFENSIBLE when exposed to
sunlight and other viewpoints.

[Smarmie Doofus]

11. Talk about the weather.

If the rw-er won't have it, you'll have a pervious appointment whenever they're going to be around.

You may be able to have a relationship w. the kids separate from Archie. Unless your niece is completely under his thumb.

FWIW, I have one too; it's not always easy. I'm willing to forgo talking poilitics at social affairs for the sake of avoiding unpleasantness. He isn't. At least not always.

[Darth_Kitten]

27. I'm thinking he's a right-winger.....

He comes from the so-called "Bible belt" in my province. I just noticed a derogatory comment he posted on FB about the leader of the party I'm supporting (and have always supported) in our upcoming election.

I've never had any issues with him on the very few times I've seen him at family events, etc. I really don't know him. But he's married to my niece, and she's always been a wise and kind woman. I just hope that she doesn't subscribe to his political leanings. :(

Hardly got to see my nieces and nephews when they were growing up due to my sister and her husband's (hate that hypocritical, disruptive bastard) issues with my parents. :eyes: Can only imagine the lies my sister and brother-in-law fed those kids (lying to children about their extended family is beyond despicable in my books) Trust me, I've been there when kids found out Mommy and Daddy didn't bother to tell them about the Xmas and birthday cards, money and presents they sent. :(

Now, my sister runs hot and cold, so I don't trust her. Ah, family life! :(


Anyways, the comments that we sometimes exchange on Faceoook is all I have going right now. :( Not going to blow that.

[TheKentuckian]

12. I don't believe in letting their stupidity go unchallenged. Peace but not at any cost.

The price of "polite" conversation is letting horseshit stand as valid and unchecked school of thought.

The not speaking of politics and religion is a purposeful prescription to softly maintain the status quo and allows fuckwits to think everyone believes as they are instructed by Rush and Beck. Bubbles are allowed to remain intact with as little cognitive dissonance as possible.

People are allowed to live in a tight, self contained environment of ideas to the point that any bit of nonsense is allowed to masquerade as fact.

[BoWanZi]

14. Oh brother. If your enemy and you decide to have a peace treaty, and it is honored by both parties

then so be it and enjoy the peace. A family event such as Thanksgiving doesn't have to be a forced battleground if all parties involved wish to have a peace.

I know I won't be able to change other's views on politics or religion so why the fuck bother and cause a huge fight? Seems stupid to argue for the sake of arguing.

Mind you, I'm only talking about events such as family events.

[Darth_Kitten]

38. Well, events like Thanksgiving are the sparks that light the fire...

:)

Right-wingers have a way of saying mean/rotten/callous things, in their own special smug little way, that can try the patience of a Saint. :D

[BoWanZi]

41. Well if they are doing to be snide, fuck them, hit them with the guns you can muster!

[Darth_Kitten]

28. Oh, I completely agree.

I think I even surprise my nearest and dearest sometimes. Who would have thought such a relatively quiet and reserved gal (on the outside) is really an opinionated so and so? :evilgrin:

I really can't let things go unchecked...I WILL have my say, believe me! :D

[treestar]

15. Various way. right wingers will not shut up or respect the idea

of not discussing politics - they just think they are right and they have the right to spout off.

One thing is to pretend to agree with them, adding some of the more absurd views in, so they look stupid. Like, "Yeah, Obama's mother was crazy to travel 10K miles at 8 months pregnant, wasn't she?"

"Yep, children of illegal aliens being citizens means we have too many citizens - it would be better to create even more illegal aliens - maybe they would even outnumber us."

All you can do with these idiots is to plant some nagging seed of doubt.

[madmom]

16. My brother in law is a nice enough guy, but his family is always spouting

off about religion (knowing I'm a non believer) if the church door is open they are there. His wife is a teacher in our local elementary school. The last time I saw them BEFORE they had a chance to bring gawd into the conversation, I asked them how that republican voting thing was going for them....we live in Ohio.

[Shandris]

17. As one of three (2 married to each other) liberals in my entire family...

...(that I know of...I have a huge family and have literally never met 1/2 of them), the general rule is simple. "Don't bring it if you can't back it up." Given that part of my 'wake up' routine is DU every morning, I can always back it up. Given that they have half-remembered things from FAUX News, they can ~never~ back it up. Makes for short conversations of awkward asskicking. :)

Of course, the only one who does that is my grandfather, but even he's gotten really reticent about engaging me with much more than something about Van Jones. I suspect at some time I'll actually have to bother looking into what the hell it is he's hearing, but for now I still don't know anything more than the guy's name.

On the other hand, it does get a bit strange sometime having to give history lessons to someone who lived through it (referring to his constant Beck-inspired failure to grasp the differences between socialism and communism and so forth). For example, his whole theory of McCarthyism is that 'Joe was right, after all, they did find a couple'. What a poor metric for what all that imbecile put America through in the Red Scare.

[Lint Head]

18. I try to avoid political talk around my sister

and her hubby. But her Republican worst half always makes some bigoted or racist remark I cannot NOT respond to. I finally laid down the law. I simply said "No bigotry or racism, no problem. Now the ball's in your court."

[RebelOne]

19. My two sisters are right wingers.

I just avoid talking politics with them. Thankfully, one of them lives in Florida, so I don't see her very often.

[Tikki]

20. Seems like they are always the angry ones whenever...

we are around them. We never talk politics with them even if they try.
We never give them a pity look even though we may feel it and we plan ahead
where we might escape to a bit if their kool-aid drool gets too heated with others
at where ever we are all together.

The Tikkis

[Swede]

22. Change the subject. I love my friends and family,but

don't love all their positions on things.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

23. At least they are not apologizing for you behind your back.

My grandmother apologized for me questioning her cousin's racism, to her cousin, behind my back, in Mississippi back in the 1970s.

Pissed me off mightily.

I decided after visiting Kosciusko that Texas was a real bastion of liberalism.

[themadstork]

24. Go "Colbert."

It's what I usually do around jackasses. Do it subtle enough that they can't really be sure if you're being sincre or mocking them, and usually they'll be to afraid of breaking social protocol to ask. This has the benefit of planting the seed of doubt in their mind as they see their goofy behavior mirrored.

[themadstork]

25. Go "Colbert."

It's what I usually do around jackasses. Do it subtle enough that they can't really be sure if you're being sincre or mocking them, and usually they'll be to afraid of breaking social protocol to ask. This has the benefit of planting the seed of doubt in their mind as they see their goofy behavior mirrored.

[Populist_Prole]

26. Going Colbert sounds like a great idea: Thanks

I'm a witty enough wiseguy amongst my family to possibly pull it off.

I usually used to try to deflect unwanted political debates by what I call "fogging". I'll respond in a vague general way that lets them think I might agree with them and then deftly change the subject by segue-ing to a tangent. It works with everybody but my extraordinarily pushy ( and ex high-pressure salesman! ) father. He won't leave it be. He's the only one I'll respond with the same nastiness directed at me...family protocol be damned.

[Urban Prairie]

29. After the '08 elections, my wife and I visited my sister and her wealthy husband

on Thanksgiving at their huge and gaudy mansion, located on the highest hill in the wealthiest suburb of our metro area. There are several large ornately furnished and elaborately decorated rooms nearby the entrance of their mansion that NO ONE in our family is permitted to even cross through or enter, or my sister gets very angry...heh!! The subject of Sarah Palin was brought up by my now elderly widowed mother, and she told me not to make fun of her in front of my sister, because she "liked" Sarah. I stifled a laugh, but did as she asked, and did not say a word, while my sister praised her. Marrying into great wealth does not equal increasing one's IQ, and although I consider my sister to be very intelligent, the fact that she has not lacked for anything in nearly 35 years, means that much of what causes or could cause great economic harm to the average US citizen, she hasn't been able and can't relate to, ever since she was single and in her early 20s, and worked for only one business after graduating HS, for several years prior to becoming engaged.

My mother "was" a staunch Democrat when I was young, but since she married off her only daughter into wealth, she also directly and indirectly has greatly benefited from it, by frequently going with my sister and her husband and family on vacations to exotic and expensive resort destinations and foreign countries, and being given a expensive new car to drive free every few years, along with often going out to dinner with them at expensive restaurants, so she has become influenced to become rightwing like they are, and watches mostly Faux Noise when at home each day...ugh!!!

[Beacool]

30. Nothing, live and let live.

I have family members and friends who are at both ends of the political spectrum. That doesn't mean that I love them any the less. There are good and bad people, political views don't make a person better or worse than another. It's their actions and what's in their hearts that count.

;)

[Cal33]

36. You are correct in a general sense, but there can be exceptions.

For instance, about 50,000 Americans die needlessly each year because
they can't afford to see a doctor. Our present system of delivering
healthcare is the cause of these deaths, and the health insurance
companies are doing their best to keep it that way because they make
more profit.

Most right-wingers are with the insurance companies. I think this
becomes more than mere politics. 50,000 human deaths are involved
each year. How many dollars is one human life worth???

[The Backlash Cometh]

31. Does it LOOK like I'm coping?

:banghead:

[ohheckyeah]

35. I never bring up politics with the many

right wingers in my family. If they bring it up they are fair game and I wear them out with facts. They don't have facts, just rhetoric and most of them have learned not to bring politics up with me.

[deacon]

39. Upon their arrival, you take their straitjackets and hang them up with the rest of the coats. n/t

[MikeW]

42. we dont talk about politics during family time .. family is family

[slackmaster]

44. It's a matter of setting your priorities

If family is important to you, you find a way to keep discussions on an even keel.

If politics is more important to you than family, you'll know what to do.