"Have Your Dad Screen Your Wardrobe"

[pokerfan]

Can you say bat-shit crazy? Fundamentally this is no different than stoning women for getting raped...

Women would change the way they dress if they "had any idea what goes through men's minds," male college students are especially tormented (all those half-dressed girls arrayed around the quad!), and then there are those skankass whores who show up at church "showing even a little part of their stomach." Ladies, this video message is for you:

http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/04/04/have-your-dad-screen-your-wardrobe

[Ian David]

1. I can see your dirty pillows. n/t

[pokerfan]

5. Go to your closet! n/t

[Ezlivin]

27. First comes the blood, then the boys!

Piper Laurie ruled as the theocrazy mom.

[tabatha]

2. I once knew of

a liberal, constant woman admirer, extremely charming, short shorts wearer, very intelligent open minded person -- tell a young lady dressed skimpily that she should not do that because it took his mind off his work. I was blown away.

[Taverner]

3. Slightly off-topic - Can we please use the term "slut-shaming"?

There are those here who think its a sexist term in itself, rather than a term to describe sexist behavior. But honestly, no other term hits the meaning so well. When yous ay "slut-shaming" the image of The Church Lady comes into mind, judging anyone and everyone who isn't her. One also thinks of Betty Bowers. It's a perfectly good term, and we shouldn't be afraid to use it.

[JitterbugPerfume]

4. having your dad screen your wardrobe is

sick in more ways than I care to think about

[Keith Bee]

8. Really?

For a teenager, it doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

[PeaceNikki]

10. It's disgusting.

[Ian David]

11. "Bend over for Daddy so I can see if your skirt is too short." n/t

[Fuzz]

20. Ok, that's disgusting. But as a father of two young daughters, I have told them

to change a few times, and it was NOTHING like that.

If it's not up to the parents to teach and lead their children, who's going to?

[JitterbugPerfume]

33. and I am sure that most dad wish to protect their daughters

I have heard my son in law say "you will not leave this house wearing that" to my granddaughter, but all dad's do not have pure motives .

Why is it always a womans fault? Are men so unable to control themselves that the very sight of a bare midriff drives them to rape--and they think they are Gods chosen people to run the world?

[justabob]

6. why is it

that women are always at fault for "what goes through men's minds"? Men can THINK anything they want, it is their decision/choice to ACT on those thoughts that is the issue, and that is all on them. Do They hear themselves.... they are basically saying that men can't be trusted to not jump on the first scantily clad hottie that walks by. Why isn't men's lack of control the issue? If it is *that* hard for them, I would suggest doing something about the men, not the women.



just in case ..... I don't think that men can't control themselves any more than I believe women "ask for it" by dressing skimpy

[Egnever]

13. Would you wear a meat jacket and walk into the tiger pen?

The fact is men are visually driven beasts and being aware of that fact is being smart. Wear anything you want by all means but being surprised when you get a reaction you didnt want is pretty silly. Even if 99% of all men that see you in the meat suit never do anything more than look the one percent that have impulse control problems will eat you just as fast as that tiger.

[justabob]

14. so women ask for it and/or men are uncontrolable beasts

If it is so difficult for men to control their primitive brains and urges, perhaps they should be caged like tigers?

Look, I don't like current fashions, and don't dress skimpy, but even if I did, the guy, who has much more brain power than your average tiger, has a choice, to act or not to act, and that decision is his alone.

[pokerfan]

16. The only way to be sure...

[justabob]

17. or.....

http://www.chastitybeltformen.com/

:)

[pokerfan]

24. Now that's just kooky talk!

:rofl:

[Egnever]

31. They should be caged

and often are. Unfortunately you cant get all of them and advising your daughter on the risks out there with wearing provocative clothing is entirely apropriate.

I didnt watch the video so I have no idea what they are advocating in it ... hmm maybe ill watch it now.

[Aerows]

18. If you have impulse control problems

You have other problems besides just being out of control sexually, and you need to be locked up, period. If your impulse control is so poor that you can't tolerate being around an attractive woman without sexually harassing or sexually assaulting her, the problem isn't the attractive woman.

I'm a nice looking woman. I refuse to apologize for that. I was assaulted in my own damn home by a man (he grabbed my breast) that has the same "impulse control" issues you are talking about. He also ended up going to jail because he, at 45, slept with a 14 year old girl.

Are you going to tell me that a 14 year old made him do it, or that I was inappropriately dressed in my own damn home? Screw that - the problem is men do not call out other men for this behavior, and some women excuse it, too. You do not have a god given right to grope, harass or rape a woman just because you become aroused.

Your entire way of thinking is exactly the problem.

[Egnever]

28. Lock em up thats fine with me

I am not saying anyone made anyone do anything. I am saying that being aware of the dangers is being smart. I don't like the fact that some men are so controlled by their lizard brain that they do all sorts of heinous shit. That doesn't mean i walk around in denial that those men are out there.

Nope not their fault just as it isn't the persons fault walking into the tiger pen. However you should be aware of the risks you take when doing it and anything less is fooling yourself into a false sense of security.

I am with you anyone who cant control themselves should be locked up. I have never had a problem controlling myself with all levels of differently dressed women, I am under no illusions though that all men are like me and you can be damn sure when my daughter starts to experiment with clothing I will make sure she is aware of the risks involved.


I wish those men weren't out there as I am a big fan of all sorts of scantily clad women I happen to think the female form is awesome and enjoy looking at it in all its different forms. My world would be much more visually stimulating were women safe to run around with nothing on at all. Reality is though there are enough men out there who cant control themselves no matter how a Woman is dressed that that will never happen. It is sad but its reality.

You can dream all you like of a world where this isn't so and i'll dream it with you but life is messy and you shouldnt confuse a beutifull dream with reality.

As far as your personal experience goes, I am sorry that happened to you and am glad the creetin got locked up.

[Aerows]

34. The point is...

...it has NOTHING to do with how you are dressed. A man that cannot control himself around a 14 year old girl, or a woman in her own HOME with her family around is a danger to society. It has nothing to do with a "beautiful dream". It has to do with the fact that we, as a society, excuse this sort of behavior until it becomes so heinous that it can no longer be excused.

I actually dress fairly conservatively most of the time. The incident in question happened on Christmas Day, and it was cold outside. I went on the back patio to smoke and was in a coat.

Again, I have no idea how on earth the analogy of wearing a meat shirt into a tiger's den applies here. The kind of men that cannot control themselves among scantily clad women cannot control themselves around women, period - that was my point. By making justifications that "it's because of the way she dressed", you are making allowances for a person that cannot control themselves, period.

[Egnever]

36. I get your point

However I don't think all situations are created equally. People are stimulated by different things, Some people like toes some like noses. You never know and certainly suggestive clothing opens more doors for more people than a nuns habit.

I certainly don't want women running around in nuns habits but the fact remains that advertising sells and you never know who the buyer will be. You should be cognizant of that fact when you walk out the door and act accordingly. Doing anything else is being naive and setting yourself up for trouble.

Again not the womans fault and the man should absolutely be locked up but ignoring the reality that provocative clothing will set a lot more of these idiots off than a nuns habit should not be ignored by any female trying to be stay safe.

[Aerows]

40. I'd like to know

how I set off my particular idiot in a coat, on my own back porch. The only way I could have possibly avoided it is to not have gone outside on my back porch. The man in question stopped by to visit a family member. He knew VERY well that I was not in the slightest bit interested in him.

I'd like to know how I was supposed to be cognizant when I went out on the back porch of my home that I was going to get groped by some man.

That's why I take offense at your position - you seem to think it's natural, and that women should completely alter their behavior to "protect themselves" and that's bullshit. If I'm not safe in a coat on my own back porch, if a 14 year old girl isn't safe from her mother's boyfriend in her own home, there is a PROBLEM there that has nothing to do with what the woman in question is wearing.

That's why I made the point that men who cannot control themselves around scantily or provocatively dressed women are a danger to society, and we need to stop looking at it as though the clothes cause the problem. Attractive young men in Saudi Arabia get groped and hit upon because their society is so repressive against women, so even men get the brunt of it there.

It's a MALE mindset problem that needs to be addressed, and other men need to speak up about it, as well. It's hyper-aggressive behavior that we excuse because "well, he's a man". If you got groped by some man in Saudi Arabia, would you consider it your fault because of how you are dressed? Seriously, consider what you are saying.

[Egnever]

44. Who knows what set this particular idiot off

And no there is no safe suit. MY point is is that these idiots are out there and again you will attract more of them in stilletos than you will with birkenstocks. Ignoring that fact is silly.

Women dont wear stilletoes because they are comfortable they wear them becausse they attract attention, most of that attention will be just what that woman was looking for some of it will be inapropriate and in some cases horribly so.

Prettending that provacative clothing isnt just that provacative is irresponsible and any father should be damn sure his daughter is aware of that fact and that she does everything she can to keep herself safe.

[Aerows]

49. We're right back to...

..."You bring it on yourself because you are in stilletos, and you wore them to attract attention, so you deserve it."

Did it ever occur to you that the dress code of some places of employment make it necessary for women to wear heels? Does going to work mean that you are bringing it on yourself? Again, am I supposed to stop dressing nicely or being attractive because it will set some idiot off?

I hope if something ever does happen that you don't approach your daughter with this attitude of "well, if you would have listened to me and not done XYZ, it wouldn't have happened", because that's what it sounds like to me you are saying.

[seabeyond]

54. i was talking to a woman at a football game with our 10 yr old kids, staring at her tits.

then i think to myself, i am staring at her tits. why am i staring at her tits? well, half her tits are showing. she is wearing a top stretched to her nipples and bra that is pushin 'em up and out. and here i sit, staring at her tits.

i have no interst in her tits. but they are there saying.... look at me, look at me.

so people look. man, woman and child, staring at these tits pushed out fo the top.

does that say... rape me? no.

does a parent say, hey.... change that top. not going out there with your tits pushed up and out of your top.

the other day, walked past my niece sittin on the floor with more than half her crack for me to see.

butt crack niece.

oh god forbid i embarassed her cause i said something out loud. ok for all the family to see her butt crack, but dont dare say anything out loud.

[Aerows]

59. Looking...

...is completely different than touching. I like women, so hell yes, I would have been looking, too. Would I escalate that to groping just because they are there? No, not without consent.

If my niece (I have two) passed by with her butt crack showing, I would have said something. Again, that's different than touching, however.

[Egnever]

55. No we are not

I have never once in this thread said you deserve it. I have said and will continue to say that your risk of something like this happening goes way up when you dress provocatively(that word does have a meaning you know).

What i am saying is it is not inapropriate for a father to warn his daughter of the risks involved.

[madmom]

30. and he would/should be shot, just like the tiger would be

[Egnever]

32. I have no problem with that

[PeaceNikki]

38. Oh BARF.

:puke:

[lukasahero]

46. So, what in your mind, should an 80 year old woman do

to protect herself from her obviously irresistible sexuality? Or how about a 3 year old? Suggesting that women are able to protect themselves by what they wear and how they look is to purposefully remain ignorant about the facts of rape.

[Egnever]

60. Ok at this point i am starting to think people are being willfully obtuse

Again my point is the risk goes way up when dressed provocatively and its entirely apropriate for a father to make his daughter aware of that fact and do what he can to protect her.

[woodsprite]

19. Because men tend to think about women using

the head with no brain. In many cases where Repubs are concerned, that could pertain to either head.

[Aerows]

23. That's a MAN problem

that isn't a woman problem. It's the responsibility of males to control themselves, and if they cannot, then something needs to be done to address the MAN's problem.

[justabob]

26. indeed nt

[Egnever]

29. Sure is

however that doiesnt take away from the very real danger that there are men out there with that problem.

Ignoring that fact wont make it go away. Nor will being rightous about the fact that its a problem. The fact still remains there are men out there with a problem.

[Aerows]

35. So you advocate the position

that women should go around being afraid of all men because one of them might have a problem.

Gee, that's not patriarchy whatsoever.

[Egnever]

37. Go around afraid?

Not at all but be aware of the dangers you bet. I dont walk around afraid of walking into a tigers den wearing a meat jaqcket but I am well aware that if i do it I better keep my eyes and ears open for that hungry tiger.

[Withywindle]

41. So, in your analogy, where is this "tiger's den" for women?

School? Work? Bars? Any public sidewalk? Any public place at all? Her own home?


Actually, I think anyone who walks into a tiger pen at the zoo IS probably bringing it on themselves - just a couple years ago, there was a case where some idiots did exactly that, got killed, and most people here couldn't believe how stupid a thing that was to do, and had more sympathy for the tiger. There are good reasons that no one should walk into a tiger pen, and it's not restricted by gender.

But your analogy makes it seem that ANY place a woman goes can be the equivalent of a "tiger pen." Every one of us wears a meat suit, all the time. That's what bodies ARE. Are there some places you think it's never safe to go while wearing a female body?

[Egnever]

42. Where is it not

These tigers(men that cant control themselves) ARE everywhere, Be aware of it and do what you can to keep yourself safe. Ignoring it or pointing fingers at it and calling it bad doesnt make it go away.

[Aerows]

43. So if a man groped you

would it be your fault because you were in the wrong place, or because of what you were wearing? I assume you are also one of those who believes it's the fault of those who get mugged because they aren't paying attention or because they happen to have something the mugger wants.

It's aggression. I'm not saying that "bad" goes away because you call it bad, but I am saying that we need to stop blaming the victims. "It's your fault because you dress provocatively" is a way of blaming the victim, and detracting from the fact that it is actually the fault of the assailant.

[Egnever]

48. Who is blaming the victims?

I am saying YOU need to be cognizant of the fact these idiots are out there and theres a lot of them and do what you can to protect yourself from them. What you dont need to do is pretend they dont or shouldnt exist.

Never your fault when someone gropes you uninvited.

I am not saying its your fault you get groped when you dress provocatively I am saying the chances of it happening go way up and you should be aware of that fact and do what you can to keep yourself safe.

And once again I love the female form so the more scantily dressed the women are the happier I am. I certainly dont want women running around in burkas but I also dontr want them running arround prettending the risk to themselves isnt elevated with that type of clothing.

The risk is always there no matter what you are wearing as a poster above describes being assaulted in a full winter jacket.


ITS NOT THE WOMANS FAULT! but it is reality.

[Aerows]

51. I was the poster that was assaulted in the winter jacket

on my own back porch. That's why I say it's a bullshit argument that it has something to do with how you are dressed. Do the chances go up if you are scantily clad? Sure - but it isn't the FAULT of the person who gets assaulted, regardless.

[Egnever]

57. Again I have never said it was the victims fault

nor will i ever. It is not.

[Withywindle]

45. Clothing on the victim has pretty much NOTHING to do with sexual assault.

Look at who really gets raped and attacked.

Many of them are children. Many of them are regular people in the clothes they wear to work every day (or night). Many are 80-year-old grannies in bathrobes in their own homes.

"Keeping yourself safe" is a very, very loaded suggestion. Because too many people use it to suggest that women should willingly agree to live in a way that is much more constrained and limited than it is for men, because just being female is a provocation and a safety risk. Too much listening to this kind of talk can lead to the idea that THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD is one big "sundown town" for women.

The best way to keep yourself safe, IMO, has very little to do with clothing and very much to do with alertness, awareness, a very strong sense of one's own boundaries and personal space, and being willing to make a scene and hurt a man's fee-fees if you feel threatened for any reason. It means not being a "nice girl" who is eager to please. And it means to prevail upon every man you know to talk to OTHER men about this issue, because as long as very bad male behavior is winked-and-nudged at, or excused by "oh, they can't help it" BS, it's not going to stop, because the truth is, women cannot stop rape or harrassment by ourselves, because we are most commonly not the ones committing it.

[Egnever]

52. Thats just silly

However I agree whole heartedly with your last paragraph.

[Aerows]

56. But that's exactly what you are saying

Paragraphs one and two of Wittywindles post is exactly what I was trying to point out to you. You are basically saying that it is the responsibility of women to behave completely differently than men because otherwise, they bring it on themselves.

[Egnever]

62. Not sure how you get that

and if you think you are going to convince me you chances of being assaulted dont go way up when you dress in provocative clothing well we will have to agree to disagree.

[Withywindle]

58. So what's just silly, then?

The idea that it's not clothing that causes rape?

The idea that women shouldn't have to accept a life of constant paranoia and house-arrest after dark just because they're women? The idea that it shouldn't be OK that fear of rape informs every single decision a woman makes, from where to park to which job to take to which shoes to buy?

I'm a woman. I'll bet you anything that just about any woman you talk to has given this issue a lot more thought over the course of a lifetime than you have, because we have to.

[Aerows]

61. Thank you

I certainly have given it quite a lot of thought.

[Egnever]

63. the idea that there are an equal number of rapes in all clothing situations

First neither of us can prove the other wrong I am sure however If you think you dont atract more unwanted attention with a pair of stillettoes and a miniskirt than you do with a nuns habbit I am going to continue to call it silly.

[Aerows]

53. Exactly

And as you state, bad male behavior needs to be stopped by other men discussing it, too. "keeping yourself safe" is VERY loaded.

[Warren DeMontague]

7. If somehow we could harness all the energy generated by humanity's hand-wringing over sex

we could solve all our power problems.

[WinkyDink]

9. 1. Women know. 2. That's why God made stilletto heels and Rock and Roll.

[Aerows]

22. Women know what?

I'm confused by your comments. If I am attractive that means I automatically must submit to any man who wants to sleep with me? What if (and this happens to be the case, actually) I like women. Am I not allowed to look good for other women because it might make some man lose his mind?

[ck4829]

12. If a covered midriff is the only thing stopping a person from becoming a rapist

Why shouldn't people like this be committed?

[Aerows]

15. It's always the fault of women

Women are childlike, impulsive and get pregnant all by themselves. Men are absolutely not responsible if women are too attractive, and it causes them to rape them.

Meanwhile, Viagra is one of the best selling drugs in the world.

Understand, ladies - male virility is absolutely vital, natural and the most important thing in the world. Women, on the other hand, are NOT supposed to have sex until they are married, and if they do, then it's their fault, especially if they get pregnant. Remember, women get pregnant all by themselves if they aren't married.

I honestly don't know the answer to this question, but I would appreciate it if someone could answer it. Is Viagra paid for under Medicare/Medicaid? I know abortions aren't, and I am unsure if birth control is either. If Viagra IS paid for under Medicare/Medicaid, then I have to question why the end results of those erections they cause aren't accounted for.

[pokerfan]

21. Not officially

Unofficially: http://articles.latimes.com/2011/mar/15/news/la-heb-medicare-part-d-viagra-20110315

But apparently Medicare will buy you a penis pump: http://www.northcoastmed.com/impotence.htm

[Aerows]

25. So...

..medicare/medicaid covers Viagra, but not the end result of the erections. That makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?

[Blue Owl]

39. Then let him undress you with his eyes

Suuuure these sick fucks unquestionably have the best of intentions.

:scared:

[Contrary1]

47. All my non-fundie dad had to say (circa 1960's) was...

"You gonna wear that outside?" :rofl:

To which; I responded, "No", stuck it in my purse and changed later. I wore a lot of outfits he never saw. I never wanted to disappoint him, so I spared him the uneasiness.

I suspect it may be the same with some of these daughters.

[leftstreet]

50. As a guy I try to watch how I dress so women don't jump me

That's a sick, sick article