DU you help please. Am I a jerk or a good dad?

[Botany]

Driving w/ my 16 year old son this AM we passed a shop called
"Custom Home and Hearth," my son told me that he had no clue
to what a hearth was so I acted a little upset and told him to quit
watching M TV and read a book because by 16.5 just by osmosis
he should now what a hearth is. He told me that he doubted that
5% of his high school class would know the definition of a hearth.

I acted shocked am I a jerk? I know by 4th grade I knew what a
hearth was just by American history and or going to historical sites
of early America.

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. We don't teach HIstory anymore

It's not tested. :)

[Botany]

7. But just by reading in English classes one might have ...

.... run across the word. "The Smith Family was tucked into their Vermont home
as the snow storm raged on outside. A kettle heated some stew on the hearth
as the kids did their school work by the light of the fire."

[proud2BlibKansan]

13. Yes that's true.

But how often would that happen?

[YvonneCa]

92. I was just going to say that....

...:7 Also, many ELL students often have vocabulary gaps. Non-everyday words...like 'hearth'...sometimes aren't learned at appropriate levels.

BTW, you are not a jerk. ;)

[tekisui]

2. The two aren't mutually exclusive. You could be both in this instance.

[Hangingon]

9. Texas TAKS tests social studies at 8th, 10th and exit levels.

[Logical]

3. I don't think most kids would at that age. You may be 100% right on the MTV etc.....

But not knowing what a hearth is is not unusual I think.

I make my kids watch NOVA and Myth Busters and History Channel stuff with me (not the UFO stiff on history channel). It counters some of it.

[ejpoeta]

20. my kids love watching mythbusters and history stuff. they watch liberty's kids

on netflix too. and definitely none of that ufo crap. what happened to the history channel!! i don't have satellite anymore, but i would have to watch history international to watch the stuff the history channel used to have.

[hfojvt]

4. I generally set the bar a little higher for jerkdom

More reading would doubtless enlarge his vocabulary, but it is also nice to be able to ask when you don't know something and not be mocked or berated for not knowing, because if that becomes a pattern a person will learn to not ask, which will not decrease their ignorance just keep it better hidden.

[Peregrine Took]

5. I say a jerk.

Most adults wouldn't know what it was. Just a term not used anymore.

If he was a good reader,however, he might have known it.

That's how I got a half way good vocabulary - I've been a voracious reader all my life plus I had an elderly nun in high school who drilled us on vocab every class. We didn't appreciate it then but the words I learned then came in handy on many a test in later years.

[Peregrine Took]

10. Unless you did it in a kidding way.

Or as Humphrey Bogart would say, a "rib."

If you were serious. Jerk.

[FLPanhandle]

6. I just asked my 15 yo daughter if she knew what a Hearth was...she did.

Although she reads voraciously. I think you are correct, teens need to pick up a book every once in a while.

[snappyturtle]

8. You being shocked is not being a jerk. I, too, would have been

surprised.

[October]

11. Everyone has those moments...

My only recommendation would be to suggest reading when you're not perturbed so it won't have a negative connotation.

And hey, at least he knows it's important to you because of your reaction.

[blogslut]

12. When I wanted to know the meaning of a word

...my folks would tell me to look it up in the dictionary.

[gateley]

57. Me, too. Glad they did. nt

[Dappleganger]

73. Yes, except now I tell them to google it.

[ecstatic]

14. He may have seen the word in written form, but never heard it spoken

Not too many people use that word (outside of Christmas/religious songs).

Either way, I think you should encourage him to read as many books as possible. It naturally builds vocabulary, improves writing, etc.

[tularetom]

15. Nobody that tells his kid to read more is a jerk

You haven't provided enough information for me to comment on whether or not you are a good dad, however.

[pipi_k]

16. I have a female friend, who, at the age of 65 or so...

and after being married twice, and having four children, did not know that urine comes from the bladder through the urethra.

In essence, she didn't know that women had three "openings".

Rather than get upset, I felt kind of sorry for her and explained the basics of female anatomy. She felt like a jerk for not knowing. I can't even imagine someone getting upset with her and trying to make her look stupid.

I just wonder why people think that people "should" know stuff by this or that age. Maybe...maybe not.

But does it cost any more to explain it to someone rather than get all huffy and try to shame the person for not knowing?


One thing you might want to consider...do you want your son to come to you in the future with questions? If so, I would recommend a different approach...

:shrug:

[ejpoeta]

17. why should you act surprised that a 16 year old wouldn't know what a hearth is.

in order for that the word would have to actually be used which it rarely is these days. sure I know what one is, but not everyone does. i just asked my 6th grader 12 year old if she knows what a hearth is and she looked at me and said no. i could get upset with her about it. i figured she would know that as she knows a lot of things from all her reading. but if she hasn't come across things with a hearth in them, then she wouldn't know it. just explain what it is to him and let it go.

[laundry_queen]

54. yeah

I just asked my 10 year old and 13 year old, and they had no idea what it was. I knew at that age though, I was a reading addict. My girls read a lot, but just not books with the word 'hearth' in it. Either that or they skip over it because it is not relevant to the story. They know what it is now. My 13 yo said, "now I feel so dumb! I should have known that!"

[Boojatta]

18. You are simply mistaken.

One could be exposed to that word by watching movies, and then consult a dictionary in case of any doubts about its meaning.

When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

Various quotes from the movie "Groundhog Day", including the one shown above.

In addition to Groundhog Day, I recommend the following four movies to get started:

The Cable Guy
Dead Poets Society
Fight Club
Awakenings

[Botany]

21. Well I have already been working on the culture part

He had seen the following movies by 12

Airplane
Blues Brothers (the uncut version is much rougher than the one shown of T.V.)
Blazing Saddles
Caddy Shack
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Animal House

I figure I could at least give him a good grounding in "the arts"

[Biker13]

55. You're A HORRIBLE Dad!

Your son has not been exposed to "Meatballs" the finest Bill Murry movie of all time?! Child abuse!

That movie is my "guilty pleasure"! Biker13 gave it to me for Christmas.

Seriously, I think you're a fine Dad. Especially if you beat yourself up over this.

Biker's Old Lady

[Botany]

91. You're A HORRIBLE Dad!

I forgot we also saw Young Frankenstein & Casablanca too.

[deacon]

99. Leaving out Young Frankenstein would make you a horrible dad. n/t

[Skidmore]

19. Golden opportunity for a little dictionary work when you got home.

I always made my kids look up words, read the definitions, learn how to pronounce them properly, and use them in a sentence or two. The expectation was that those words would become part of their active vocabulary to be used.

[ZombieHorde]

22. The only reason I knew about hearths when I was your son's age was because I was a big

role-playing fan. I don't think hearth is a common word anymore.

[in_cog_ni_to]

23. I get that stuff all the time from my 18 year old son.

I will use a certain word (and expect him, an 18 year old, to know it) and he asks me, "what's that?" "what's that mean?"

I don't say it aloud, but ask myself (after counting to ten), "seriously? You don't know what that is/means?" I'm usually just happy he is interested enough to ask what it is/means!

I don't know. I think since CIVICS has not been taught in schools for a LONG time (unless a student chooses a special Civics course not required by the school) our kids have lost a LOT. And History taught under Bush's idiotic NCLB has left our children in need of MANY specifics.. You do realize OUR children were the experiment for that HORRENDOUS program? My son was 9-10 years old at the time that went into effect (2002-2003 school year) in our schools. I blame the damn idiot-in-chief. I don't blame our teachers or schools... or kids who were taught to the test.....leaving out most of the important stuff, just so they would pass the damn tests.

Did Obama ever get rid of NCLB? :eyes:

And NO, you're not a bad father for acting shocked. That's a normal reaction. :)

[panader0]

24. I've been a bricklayer for 38 years

Built hundreds of fireplaces (with hearths) in the old days. No one wants fireplaces anymore.

[Botany]

25. thank you

I always thought a hearth was all that was encompassed in a large
stone or brick fireplace.

[SOS]

26. It could be worse

My wife and I went to Barnes and Noble.
She needed a copy of Macbeth.
To save time, we asked at the information desk to find out if they had a copy in stock.
The young man at the desk appeared to be about 20 years old.
Here is the conversation:

Wife: Do you have a copy of Macbeth in stock?
Clerk: Who's the author?
Wife: Shakespeare
Clerk: How do you spell that?
Wife spells "Shakespeare"
Clerk (after looking intently at computer screen); We should have two copies in the drama section.

[redwitch]

80. oh dear.

What we always think of as "general knowledge" isn't anymore. But for heaven's sake EVERYONE whose first language is English ought to know who Shakespeare is. I worry about us, I really do.

[formernaderite]

27. my grandaughter knows the meaning of hearth ....

but we also have old timey catalogues in our home. That said... she doesn't read enough and the english curriculum at her school is pretty pathetic. She's been in honors english and is taking AP this year... still, I had read more by the time I was 12. So what to do? Her mother is spending a fortune on SAT prep tutoring... I've tried to make the point... READ. I don't understand why these schools have dumbed down their language programs to such a degree? It certainly seems that the kids are excelling in mathematics and science.

[TuxedoKat]

28. I have the same problem

with my 14 year old daughter. She doesn't read much either -- didn't know the word hearth -- and I'm sure I knew it by grade 3 or 4. I'm thinking the solution may just be for me to start reading aloud to her and play books on CD in the car. It is very discouraging to me as I LOVE to read and always have.

[hedgehog]

29. How often do you read?

[Drale]

30. I agree with him

but I would say more then 50% of his class wouldn't know what a hearth is, I know more then 50% of my class wouldn't know and I graduated 6 years ago, and it can't have gotten better, and I also went to one of the best high schools in the state.

[Peacetrain]

31. Try this.. remove the vowels.. hrth

Then they will put it together.. :rofl: just kidding ... sort of.. if it is more than 140 characters you know.


hmmmmm..

The Classics in twitterdom

33,000 plus twitters to read Shakespeare.. got to think about this.. we may be on to something

[JohnnyRingo]

49. Now that's funny right there.

I used to complain that Madison Avenue was destroying spelling skills with words like "lite", "EZ", and "fone", but Twitter has stuck a knife in the hearts of future spelling bee contestents.

BTW, DU spell check was OK with my use of "lite" (!?)

[immoderate]

96. Remember, it's a kind of beer....

--imm

[WolverineDG]

32. You're a good dad nt

[Botany]

36. Did I ever tell you that you are my Fave?

Don't tell the others.

[no_hypocrisy]

33. It's possible he knows the concept of "hearth" but has heard it referred to as a "fireplace".

Then it's a debate about vocabulary.

[ashleyforachange]

37. Its probably true...

I am 21 and I know what a hearth is but I ask my brother.

me: What is this picture?
Brother: a fireplace?(in a you are so dumb tone)
me:its actually called a hearth.
Brother: whatever. in modern times its called a fireplace.


Vocab needs to be updated

[Bluenorthwest]

50. A hearth is a part of a fireplace, it is not 'a fireplace' anymore

than an automobile is an engine. The hearth is the floor of a fireplace, which might extend into a room. Might not. A hearth is not called a fireplace in modern times.

[TorchTheWitch]

97. it isn't just part of a fireplace

An outdoor fire is just as much of a hearth as an indoor fireplace as long as it's the "home" source (light/heat/food). The word hearth also designates a home whether it's inside a building in a modern fireplace or out in the woods in the open. Its meaning is expanded to mean home stability with a sense of prosperity and permanence. Expressions such as "a cold hearth" generally means a home that is for some reason unhappy/unstable. I guess it's sort of comparable to the word "home" meaning a lot more than just a house or other structure one lives in. Establishing a hearth is more comparable to establishing a home rather than a house... there's much more to it than the place where one eats, sleeps and stores one's stuff.

[Sheepshank]

34. If one skips the Disney movie version of Cinderella

and reads the fairy tale in kindergarten, a hearth would be very clear.

For some reason, I don't imagine Cinderella is much in the line up for boys' reading.

I don't think this situation makes you a good or a bad father. Certainly taking advantage of this as a teaching opportunity would tip the balance into 'good father' realm.

[Taitertots]

35. He should quit watching MTV and read a book

Or sit back and watch the 5% that bother using their brains as they run the world around him.

You would be a jerk if you didn't tell him.

[Matariki]

38. Perhaps your reaction makes him afraid to ask questions and reveal he doesn't know something?

It's better that he's curious enough to ask about something he doesn't know - that's how people learn. You should have just answered his question probably, instead of insulting him.

[Botany]

44. i did not insult him

Please, right now he has moved two couches together and is watching Lacrosse on t.v. with
his black lab laying on top of him as he is eating ice cream.

[xchrom]

39. hearth isn't that unusual a word. no, a jerk you weren't and i would have been surprised

to be around an 16.5 year old who didn't know that word.

[JohnnyRingo]

40. My 16 year old grandaughter would likely have a hard time defining "cassette tape"

But then again, I'm sure she knows more about "baud" and "C++" than I'll ever know. She could probably call me an idiot and tell me I have to keep up with the program, but respect for our age difference and an understanding that we grew up in different times prevents that.

[cali]

41. I gather your son is not a big reader.

[H2O Man]

52. Very likely.

Another possibility is that he reads, but a limited range of material.

[TahitiNut]

42. Literacy is more difficult to acquire these days. Ask him who Snooki is.

If he can answer, start the reading assignments. Dickens, Swift, Faulkner, Steinbeck ... and so on.

I'm a Math and Physics major ... career in computers ... and I'm only SOMEWHAT literate.

[Greybnk48]

43. Do You have a fireplace in your home?

If not, odds are your kid doesn't know what a hearth or a flue is, based on my personal experience with my kids.

[Botany]

45. Update he texted 10 friends and so far the 5 who have ...

.... answered not one knew what a hearth was.

[H2O Man]

46. I think that you

are a Good Dad. It is better to tell one's children where they can find an answer, than to simply tell them the answer.

My youngest daughter does not like to read. This amazes me. Yet her grades are outstanding. When she asks me questions -- not unlike the one on a hearth -- I always tell her where to find the answer, in general terms. I think she tends to "google," rather than take advantage of my extensive library.

[toddwv]

47. Hearth isn't completely obscure, but I can see why he wouldn't know what a hearth is.

He probably messaged his friends...

"lol wft? iz herth?"

[malaise]

48. Do you think he knows about an hour glass?

I once had a Chinese neighbor who had lived in Jamaica for over fifty years. He said he didn't want to visit China again because he had no idea about the new words in the language - the technology that appeared since he left.
The opposite is true for the young - they don't know 'old stuff', but I'm sure he knows stuff we know nothing about.

[gateley]

51. Did he ever have Cinderella read to him? I think that's where I learned what

a hearth was. But that may be more a story for little girls.

He should have known anyway, but I do think that generation has lost a lot with the video games and cable offerings. Sad.

[Gregorian]

53. The anger is counterproductive.

I like H2O's answer. Point a kid in the direction of a resource. Then they have a tool. But the anger will stifle the next question. The very act of a question is the sign of desire. I have a lot of anger in me from just this kind of interaction with my dad.

[KittyWampus]

56. It's up to YOU to limit time in front of MTV, expose your kid to Am. Heritage sites, insist he read

Kids aren't going to limit themselves. That's what parents are for.

[Nancy Waterman]

58. You are a jerk

You shouldn't put your kid down like that. Next time he won't bother to ask you anything. You should answer his question
and be glad he has the intellectual curiosity still in him to want to learn. Support his learning when ever you can and stop
criticizing him for what he doesn't know. Feed the good and don't focus on the bad.

[Obamanaut]

59. You might consider actually teaching when these teaching moments occur,

rather than berating or demeaning.

It's actually more effective.

I'll go with jerk.

[Snoutport]

60. "acted" shocked? You should have just been plain "shocked"

Parents need to make their kids read...comes down to that. Teachers can only do so much during a short day.

[Hissyspit]

61. I remember being confused by the term hearth for a long time. I think I got it figured out around 14

[DemReadingDU]

62. How much do Americans know about US history?

a couple of Jay Leno jaywalking segments


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JEjXbLQOOE


http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/video/jaywalk-6-22/1235457

edit to add another video about July 4th
watch to the end: Grandpa knows the answers!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=b98_1278463537

[cherokeeprogressive]

63. Is it harth, or herth?

Hell, I'm nearning 50 and I fucking hate MTV. I heard a psychologist say that MTV and the NBA are responsible for the lack of attention span in today's youth. In the NBA, they play for about 20 seconds at a time, then play stops because of a foul. MTV, when it plays music, is three minutes of music, and five minutes of shit no one pays attention to.

Back to my original question... is it harth, or herth? I've always wondered. I feel so stupid... I DID know what it was though LOL.

[DemReadingDU]

64. hearth

:)

[cherokeeprogressive]

65. Um... now I feel even stupider...

LOL.

[DemReadingDU]

66. LOL

They all sound alike
:)

[SheilaT]

82. Actually, I blame Sesame Street

for the short attention span anyone under 50 or so has today.

I think that show has been vastly over praised, and none of its flaws -- mainly the quick cuts and fast pacing -- have ever been addressed.

Oh, and the other short-attention span builder is the Bible. No sustained narrative there.

[cherokeeprogressive]

93. Excellent points.

I always thought Sesame Street was overrated as well and totally agree about the Bible.

[IcyPeas]

67. do kids read books in school anymore?

growing up in new york - grade school and high school - we used to HAVE to read books for english class. Kids might not enjoy it at first, but reading does, in fact grow on kids. I look back and am glad I HAD to read books. I know people now who have gone through school not having to read any books. Maybe I grew up in a different time.

Anyway, I'd try and encourage him before it's too late. By the way do you read books?

***Perhaps people here (especially guys) could recommend some interesting books for a teen.***

the first thing that comes to mind is science fiction. Does your kid like Twilight Zone for example? My brother and I read sci-fi voraciously when we were young.

It's a start....

[seabeyond]

72. my kids must have 200 books in closet and other shelves but YES they read a lot in school

too.

my oldest in AP classes read a lot fo good books, his last was the shining and east of eden.

my youngest does a lot of reading in his english class also and personal time

we also have three subscriptions to magazines they read regularly

[Randypiper]

68. Ask him if he knows who the speaker of the house is.

It is surprising how many adults can't answer that.

[DemReadingDU]

70. Be sure to watch those Jay Leno videos I posted in #62

It truly makes one wonder what people learned in school

[seabeyond]

74. both boys said pelosi and when i reminded them repugs took it, the youngest 13

said boner, the oldest couldnt remember name, but he cries a lot

16 yr old knew sec of defense and sec of state

i am so proud

13 yr old yelled out VP loudest and quickest but both knew

give me another one

[dana_b]

69. teach him, don't scold him

he truly didn't know so how is that his fault? If it wasn't discussed in his history classes (probably too busy preparing to take some stupid test) then it is your job to educate him when things like this come up.

My daughter has no sense of geography and I have to constantly tell her where different countries are. It amazes me but then I remember that her education was not as good as mine. :(

[seabeyond]

71. 13 year old thought meant homey comfortable place in house. almost 16 yr old knew what it meant

BUT.... they read A LOT and dont watch mtv, lol lol.

play a lot fo computer though

[davsand]

75. Does your family make time for education?

My 13 year old knew what a hearth is--I asked her as soon as I read your OP. I can't say if her vocabulary is a function of her love of reading, or if it is due to her home life, but in either case, I'd say it all is rooted in our family lifestyle and our focus on eduction for the joy of learning. My husband and I both are avid readers as well as being lifetime learners. Books are a big deal in our house, and family trips almost ALWAYS include a visit to a museum, an historical site, or some type of discussion held during family time. It's just what we do--ya know?

I decided a long time ago that education is not a "job" to be relegated to somebody else. I learn for my own sake and I share that with my kid because it is a joy to do it. YMMV, but if you really feel sad that your kid is missing out on certain aspects of history (or current day life!) I'd say you have the power to change that.

:hi:



Laura

[seabeyond]

76. education is not a "job" to be relegated to somebody else

agree. and it is so muhc fun. every morning driving to school we talk about soial, political and other issues. then on pick up (kids seperate). i tell them i have more fun talking to them than most adults and to get their perspective adn thought on stuff.

agree with all your post.

"I'd say you have the power to change that."

and totally agree with this. well worth the time and effort

and just fun

[Motown_Johnny]

77. I take it you don't let him play World Of Warcraft

or other such games.


I would take that bet if I were you. All the kids who play WoW would know.

[NYC Liberal]

78. Of all the words not to know, "hearth" isn't that terrible....but

I wouldn't say you're a jerk though. I'd encourage him to look it up for himself and maybe that way he'll want to start learning more on his own.

[onethatcares]

79. give the kid a break unless you have a fireplace and a hearth

if you do, then take away everything he owns and make him cut firewood.

sometimes it's hard to be a dad. real hard. sometimes you have to take a very deep breath before

saying anything at all. good luck with the rest of it.

[themadstork]

81. A jerk.

I read for several hours everyday and did not recognize 'hearth.'

Everyone has certain quirky gaps in their knowledge. Even the most literate people will have simply whiffed on absorbing a random handful of words. E.g., David Foster Wallace at age 35 did not know the meaning of 'seigneur.'

Your son was in the right for asking the question. Many people are too insecure or incurious to do even that. No need to ram it down his throat.

[SheilaT]

83. Acting upset, no matter how bothered

you really were about his not having the word hearth in his vocabulary, may not have been the best response.

As so many others here have pointed out, a large part of the problem is that a lot of kids don't read much anymore.

My younger son, now 24, is not all that much or a reader, and I never cease to be amazed at how impoverished (from my point of view) his vocabulary is. Over time, of course, it has improved, because he does read.

And even at my age (62) I'm constantly amazed at what I don't know, when I suddenly stumble across some piece of information. And as to the general ignorance of young people about things political, when I was in my twenties I probably could not have named my Representative or Senators, sometimes did not pay attention to who was Governor of my state, and all sorts of things like that. Even today, I'd be hard pressed to name off the top of my head the members of the cabinet, and I'd do the middle-aged thing if you wanted me to name all 9 Supreme Court justices.

[Zax2me]

84. You should have informed him what it was, not get upset.

Be shocked, no need to be upset.

[Canuckistanian]

85. Zounds! What fibbertygibbets, these youths of today

He probably doesn't even know how to shoe a horse or make a barrel. How does he expect to run a homestead and tend to cattle?

I'm flabbergasted.

[Cleita]

86. Being critical when the kid asked an honest question

can put a strain on your relationship. He probably will hesitate to ask you again and you will miss opportunities to teach him. I don't consider you being a bad dad for wanting him to read. However, maybe just an answer, like a hearth is a fireplace should have been sufficient. Then you could move on at some later date to inspiring him to read more like maybe a trip to the library to pick out books that could have hearths in the narrative.

[MilesColtrane]

87. Start making him do the shopping.

[louslobbs]

88. It sounds like you're probably a good dad, but it was how you responded to his not knowing something

that you had concluded (almost everyone)should know, including your son. Instead of the (making him wrong comment) "quit watching MTV and read a book", you might have said, "wow, I'm surprised that you never heard of that", then explained what a hearth was. Then you might have added, "you know, I know you love MTV and watch a lot of it", "how about cutting out a half hour of MTV every now and then, and picking up a book, or go online and have some fun looking up things that you don't know to enhance your knowledge about things you might have an interest in, but don't have a lot of facts readily available in your head".

You had an expectation of your son, when he did not meet that expectation, an upset was created and you let emotional commenting take the place of a conversation that might have occurred with a possible breakthrough in how your son moves forward with his future behavior, instead of the potential resentment and upset from your son because he may have felt attacked at that moment. He might have even created a story in his head, that (he's not good enough of a son for you) none of this however, makes you a bad dad, it only means that you are human and not perfect with respect to your relationship with your son, no one is.

You sound to me, like a dad, who wants the best for his son, but it's all in how we communicate to young people, that will dictate the result we're going to get from their future behavior or whether or not we get their respect.

If you think about how your son might hear what you are about to say before you say it, it could save you many upsets and possibly stop your son from (tuning you out) when you speak, because this is what they do at that age, especially to mom and dad.

Communication is everything when trying to get someone to listen to what you have to say and if they tune you out, even good advice goes unheard. All the best in your future relationships, especially the one with your son.

Here's a little trick that works for me, before I speak, I always ask myself, "how is what I'm about to say", "going to be heard by the other person"? We people are unique, someone can say something to us and we can create a whole story about what was said to us and none of it is true, we just heard what we wanted to hear.

Some people in our lives, actually, already have a "listening" for us. What I mean by that is, before we even speak to our spouses for instance, they've heard us so many times, that they are already listening for communication that they're used to from us.

It's called (already, always, listening) Before you even speak, your son is going to be hearing you a certain way, he's developed a "listening" for you, so he already knows how you are going to "talk at him". I think you're a good person and a good dad, I hope what I have shared with you helps to build better communication between the two of you and all of those in your life who you love and care about.
Lou

[wickerwoman]

89. Kids have gaps in their knowledge...

particularly in areas that have virtually no relevance to contemporary life.

Instead of ridiculing him for not knowing something, why not just explain it and move on. I suspect all you accomplished is making sure your kid isn't interested in talking to you, particularly when it risks exposing more ignorance which will then be turned by you into a character flaw (e.g. "watching too much MTV" or being lazy).

We all "should" know more than we do. I "should" know what a semi-conductor is and the names of my city council members and how to speak at least one foreign language fluently and what sine and cosine mean, but you know what? I work 60 hours a week and I haven't studied certain things for ten or fifteen years and the stuff that I don't use fades to make room for the stuff I do. Does that mean I watch too much TV or need to read more or that I'm stupid or lazy? No. It means that no one person can keep the whole of what they "should" know at the front of their minds all the time.

Cut your kid some slack, assuming you still want to have any kind of relationship at all in 1.5 years.

[Botany]

90. I did not ridicule him.

Please i was just shocked that he did not know what a hearth was and we talked about it.
He texted 10 friends and so far 7 have sent text messages back and not one of them
knew what a hearth was.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7500267

[Obamanaut]

94. According to this, you sorta did

"...told him to quit watching M TV and read a book because by 16.5 just by osmosis he should now what a hearth is...."

[wickerwoman]

95. Well, let's look at it this way...

You're at work talking to your boss and the word "sesquipedalian" comes up and you say you don't know what sesquipedalian means and your boss responds with "How can you not know what sesquipedalian means? How long have you been working here? Time to stop wasting so much time on DU and educate yourself!"

Is your response:

a.) What a great boss! He really cares about my future or
b.) What a condescending asshole! The word "sesquipedialian" has nothing to do with how well I do my job and how I spend my free time is my own business.
c.) Shit. I'd better not say anything in the future because it really feels like crap having my ignorance exposed.

[Shagbark Hickory]

98. Neither. I'd say an idiot.

A perfectly good opportunity to talk to your son, WASTED.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

101. This is the correct answer. But jerk, too.

He planted in his son's head, by example, that knowing stuff is a typical trait of assholes.

[lunatica]

100. Like most parents at one time or other you were a jerk

The fact that you question yourself shows promise though. It means you examine your actions in terms of whether you need some work which is always a good thing.

[unkachuck]

102. K&R....definately a good Dad!

....by the way, what is a hearth?