What I heard at my child's school stopped me dead in my tracks

[FourScore]

I was walking in the hall at my child's middle school this morning when the announcements came over the intercom. After the gentleman who usually leads the announcements finished reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, he handed the microphone to another teacher. This is what I heard:

Ms. XYZ: "That is so gay!" "You are so gay!" "Stop acting so gay!"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Ms. XYZ: These statements, even when said in jest, are used in a derogatory manner. They are said as though being gay is inferior. They are discriminating to our gay and lesbian community. For that reason, we do not, and will not, condone such comments at our Middle School. Middle school is a time when young people may begin to discover their sexuality. Some of the students at this school are beginning to recognize that they are gay or lesbian. Such derogatory comments can cause a gay student to experience confusion and depression. They may feel "less-than" or as though something is wrong with them. Such feelings may cause that student to withdraw from social interaction or social events. In the most tragic cases, such feelings of inadequacy and confusion may lead a young person to commit suicide."

She paused and continued. I stood there like a statue:

"All of my students and the staff here at XYZ Middle School know that I am a lesbian. If any student at this school feels a need to discuss and understand homosexuality better, they should know that my door is always open to such a discussion." (I felt my arm do a fist-pump)

She then went on to talk about a national campaign, a day of silence, to honor those homosexuals in our community who have suffered from discrimination. And to remember those lives that were tragically lost along the way. Pledge cards would be available in the office. Students who wish to participate in the Day of Silence are required to fill out a pledge card. They would then be distributed to the staff so that each teacher will know which students are participating.

After the announcement was over, I went straight to the office and asked for Ms. XYZ's room number. When I arrived, her class was full of students and she was about to begin her lesson. She looked at me quizzically and asked what she could do for me. "I just want to shake your hand," I said as I entered the room. The kids fell silent. Ms. XYZ looked baffled. "I heard your announcement over the intercom," I continued, "and I just can't thank you enough." She smiled at me and shook my hand. We shared a few more words, and she told me how successful last year's Day of Silence had been. And then I left. It was a great way to start my day.

This afternoon, after I picked my son up from school, I asked him if he was going to participate in the Day of Silence. "Of course I am!" he exclaimed. "I did it last year too! It's really hard to do all day, but it's pretty powerful. Most of my friend's are doing it, too." I gave him a big hug and told him I was proud of him.

He nodded. Then he asked for a cookie.

[Zoeisright]

1. Hooray for Ms. XYZ and hooray for you!

This needs to be pounded into people. Using sexual orientation as a slur is cruel. Period.

[HopeHoops]

4. Yeah, that's pretty gay.

:sarcasm:

Why the hell do people use that as a slur? I've had dozens of gay friends over the years and really only had a problem with one gay guy, but only because he wouldn't stop hitting on me and gave my wife what she called "cat eyes" when he saw us together. I'm not even sure I understand the CONTEXT of "that's so gay". What is the intent? :shrug:

[Drale]

5. Its supposed to mean

thats stupid or thats not normal.

[HopeHoops]

11. It still sounds stupid.

[Fuzz]

44. I know several adults who use that term, without even thinking about it.

I'm waiting for them to use it around me, just once.

[Dappleganger]

2. What a heartwarming story!

We need more like her everywhere!!!!

[pacalo]

3. Great story! I was furious until I read further down.

:thumbsup:

[H2O Man]

6. I'm sad to say

that I have heard kids at my daughters' school use that expression. I'm proud to say that I've heard my two daughters confront that type of thing.

[davidthegnome]

7. Great post, thanks for sharing

K & R - and...

"He nodded. Then he asked for a cookie."

Heheh. Boys will be boys. At least he didn't ask for five. :)

[dmr]

8. Awesome!

I'm glad you gave her the positive feedback.

This story made me smile for it's humanity.
:hi:

[AC_Mem]

9. My grandson had a chat with me last night

He is in 5th grade. He was discussing an incident that happened at school and casually said "XYZ has 2 moms, his parents are lesbians". I just looked at him to see if he would say more. He then said "I see no difference, everyone should be allowed to be married".

Despite the fact that his father's side of the family are RABID born-again, Evangelical, conservative repubs, I have to give myself a little pat on the back - apparently some of my liberal teaching has made an impact and he has made a decision to have an open heart.

I'm so proud of this little guy. The world is changing and our youth; well they are different. They will be progressive, I just know it. The conservative and narrow minded bigotry is fading away. It is part of the reason that the R's are having such fits now, they know it too.

It is an evolution and we need to help our youth to become compassionate leaders. The alternative for my children and grandchildren is just too chilling to even contemplate. I teach at EVERY opportunity so that they are educated against the lies that they are exposed to every day.

Shine on,
Annette

[FourScore]

16. What a wonderful little guy.

I'm sure some of your liberal teaching will have a positive effect, AC_Mem! Seems to already!

[leftynyc]

34. He's lucky to have you

and a grandma. Sounds like you're doing a marvelous job.

[AC_Mem]

51. Thank you, but I am the lucky one...

My children and my two grandchildren are who have turned me into an advocate. I watch the world and this country and I know that my family deserves better than what the GOP would offer if they got their way.

We have a wounded planet. She is in desperate need of open hearts, open minds, compassion and healing. Those are liberal traits, not conservative traits, imho. The future is in the hands of our youth and this world will not make it if we do not start treating her with respect and care.

And that means we need to support the President and Democrats, whether we are happy with all of their choices or not. Democrats need to find our own compromise and come together and organize. I've never seen a more important time in our history than now.

It's time to step up and take responsibility rather than casting blame at our leadership.

Shine on and VOLUNTEER LOCALLY!

Annette

[leftynyc]

55. Brava!! Well said

I still maintain he's lucky to have you. It's amazing how children can change our outlook. My brother in law was a republican until my niece was born. He could no longer belong to a party that had such contempt for women and their issues.

[Odin2005]

10. If I see a child say that I will go right up to them and tell them to knock it off.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

12. When I was young the word was "queer"

I heard that one multiple times a day when I was in school. Didn't matter if you were gay or not. That was the ultimate insult.

[seabeyond]

13. that is so rad.... actually,

you made me cry. still trying to mop up the tears.

thank you for the story. and thank you for taking the time to reinforce what that teacher did.

good for you. her. your son and the school that allowed this.

so rad

[FourScore]

14. My dear seabeyond,

:hug:

[seabeyond]

15. ya

i feel the same.

[lonestarnot]

17. K & R!

[ReggieVeggie]

18. that is a VERY common expression

[Lars39]

19. And *you* speaking to the teacher about it further emphasized the lesson.

:thumbsup:

[Pacifist Patriot]

20. Okay, not really like me, but...

I started crying reading that. Because it was beautiful or because I can't imagine ever hearing that in a middle school around here, I don't know.

[FourScore]

21. I have to say that I was also impressed by the school.

I feel very lucky that my children are growing up in a liberal area.

Thank you, Pacifist Patriot.

:hug:

[MsPithy]

22. Christians killed the Day of Silence at my daughter's high school.

When they realized what was happening, Christian parents showed up at the school on the Day of Silence protest day and walked through the school with signs about NOT STAYING SILENT. They complained to the administration until the Day of Silence was banned.

On a side note, Christians also forced the totally useless administration to ban teaching evolution. The biology textbook does not say the word "evolution." There IS a whole chapter titled "Natural selection." These Christians are so fucking stupid they don't realize that natural selection is the engine that drives evolution. All they know is their religion tells them evolution is bad, they don't have to understand it, they just have to obey.

[FourScore]

23. That is so sad and frustrating.

I feel so badly for the gays and lesbians at that high school who had do endure that kind of humiliation. Horrible. I live in such a different world here in my town. It is as if it is a completely different country.

[Love Bug]

24. Good for her. Words are powerful and they DO matter.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Bones heal but damage from bigoted statements can last a lifetime. Good for her for asking the students to stop and really think about what they are saying.

I deplore the use of "gay" as a pejorative and have no problem calling out someone who uses it that way. I feel the same way about pejoratives that demean women, too.

[crim son]

25. That's a wonderful story!

Here in Bangor, Maine, there has been a successful campaign to keep that sort of derogatory language out of the schools, not only "That's so gay!" but "That's retarded." My oldest son had two detentions before he figured out that "retarded" is not okay.

[bobbolink]

50. THANK YOU for bringing that up! The same people who are so upset with slurs like "so gay" casually

throw out the "R" word and think it is just fine.

AFter much work on it, it is *finally* against the DU rules, so please alert on it when you see it here.

It is DISGUSTING that people cannot think of terms of expression that don't harm other human beings.

Peace... and that means not hurting others.

[tavalon]

26. That was jawdroppingly amazing! That never happened in my middle school

The change is happening. It's so gradual sometimes, it's painful but that was a solid moment of shift you overheard there. Wow!

[bertman]

27. Fist pump, here!! REC. nt

[tavalon]

28. May I ask what the day of silence is about?

I hadn't heard of it before.

[Arugula Latte]

29. My son's middle school observes Day of Silence.

Makes me thankful to live in a liberal area, as well.

[beac]

30. K&R! Hooray for Mrs. XYZ, your son and the obviously terrific schol they are a part of! n/t

[ejbr]

31. This gay man hope you gave him TWO cookies! n/t

[SpankMe]

32. It takes real balls to do this.

More progressives need to do bold things like this, and then fight the backlash when it happens.

I'd love to hear this announcement at my son's middle school. But, I live in a conservative area and I just know the wing-nuts would come unhinged.

Good for Mrs. XYZ and good for your kid.

And, fuck the right wing.

[Deep13]

33. I'm confused. Did XYZ say homophobic stuff?

If so, why were you thanking her?

[nolabear]

36. Read on. She was imitating and then disparaging.

[Deep13]

38. I see, I didn't know who was saying what.

I thought that last bit was the OP talking, not XYZ.

[FourScore]

41. I messed up on the quotes a little bit.

Then I switched to paraphrasing. Sorry for the confusion.

[cate94]

35. K & R

That is a great story. I am very glad that you thanked the teacher.

Thanks for sharing.

[nolabear]

37. I'm shocked at how shocked I am.

It makes me realize how seldom I hear stories of schools doing something right. Is it that they don't, or that we just bring things up when we're outraged and don't when we're delighted?

Thanks mightily for the post. Made my morning.

[Casandia]

39. One middle school that I worked at disciplined the teacher who

supported her students that were silent. Made me sick to my stomach...she grieved her punishment, but I don't know what the outcome was. I am so happy to hear positive news on this issue. Thanks for sharing!!

[Codeine]

40. Give him two cookies. Your son kicks ass. nt

[FourScore]

42. 5 people have unrec-ed this thread.

Please tell me they are trolls and not DU'ers!

[Cherchez la Femme]

45. From what I understand,

the mods can see who rec'd & unrec'd a thread. I was told that at least once, people who did so to a blatant thread against a certain group were followed up with and all were tombstoned.

Some groups are more equal than others, I guess :shrug:

[FourScore]

46. I'm glad to hear that.

I was wondering if there were a way to monitor if the same people unrec posts over and over. I'm glad to hear that they can.

[xchrom]

43. Awesome. nt

[behrstar]

47. In my house

"That's so gay" is a compliment.
We say "That's so Republican" to refer to something ignorant, hateful, or selfish.

Seriously, that is a wonderful story.

[FourScore]

48. Welcome to DU, behrstar!

:hi:

[Zoigal]

49. Kudos to you, Forescore, as well as to Ms XYZ and her middle school

and all the kids that participate in the Day of Silence.
We need more schools to offer this anti gay program.
An excellent age to offer it, too........z

[DemocratAholic]

52. it seems to me

there is a lot of this going on. sometimes it comes from people who see nothing wrong with it, and even coming from people who are gay themselves. i remember a time when the "gay community" was fairly unified in trying to stamp out the use of these kind of pejoratives. weirdly, as gay people may have become more accepted in our society, and more people coming out as openly gay, it seems that using "gay" as a pejorative has become even more common.

personally, i really hate it when people call other people gay, or say something is gay, but like i said, a lot of gay people think it is amusing, or don't find it offensive...which i think gives license to people to do it...and it becomes a slippery slope. one example i would point to is that song "ur so gay" which even the great gay supporter madonna said at one point was her favorite song. tori spelling is another one. i know she has a lot of gay friends, who she refers to as her "gays" on her tv show, and no one ever confronts her and tells her it's not something she should be doing. she reduces people down to their sexuality, making gay people into their own sub-category of human beings. i personally find it incredibly offensive, but obviously her "gays" don't seem to mind.

there are all kinds of gay people, with all different ideas and senses of humor, and things they take offense to. i don't think this is going to end until there is a effort from the "gay community" to make a statement that it is offensive and unacceptable. but there are a lot of gay people who seem to be amused by this, or they find it endearing, or i don't know what.

it would be nice if people were not defined, characterized or referred to by their sexual orientation. if people are going to be categorized in such a way, then of course it is going to be used pejoratively by some people, and worse yet...seen as acceptable thing to do. why is it okay for tori spelling, who supposedly loves her "gays," and not for others? i understand that context and intent is important part of determining whether something should be viewed as offensive. but when it is so casually thrown around, and used in such a way...like i said, it's a slippery slope. i wish more gay people would stand up and say they don't care to be referred to as their straight friends' "gays." why is their sexual orientation important to, or have anything to do with, their friendship?

[crickets]

53. Wonderful!

What a bright spot of *good* news for a change. Thanks so much for posting this.

[rbixby]

54. I use "That's so gay"

But only in reference to Ru Paul's Drag Race

[ChairmanAgnostic]

56. I'm curious. Did he get the cookie?

nice school. wish we had more of them, instead of moron them. (what happens when the GOP sticks its fingers into the ejukashunal cystern

[FourScore]

57. Yes, he did. But actually I included that part about the cookie to emphasize that he is just a kid,

yet he is learning such important lessons like the dangers of homophobia or discrimination. And he is learning it in such a positive environment. Kids understand so much, but they are still just kids. I think such lessons taught early in life will help to reinforce the fight against intolerance and discrimination. That is my belief and my hope.

BTW, he wasn't asking for the cookie as payback for being a good boy. It was more of a typical kid's short-attention-span-thing goin' on. He had already moved on in his mind to the next, important thing -- COOKIE!!!

[meegbear]

58. Bravo Marge!

K&R

[DesertDiamond]

59. WOW!!! I am blown away!!!