Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No.4

[Fritz67]

Another look into the world of conservative doublethink. Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Fritz67

Thinks You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

First some updates:

* You decry the decline of America's academic and scientific leadership in the world while also believing teachers are overpaid, their unions should be broken, and Creationism should be taught in science class.

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, and Donald Trump to not go.

And on to the new stuff...

* The best way to create jobs is to ban abortions, outlaw labor unions, and shut down the Federal government.

* Natalie Portman is a terrible person and a bad role model for having a child out of wedlock. Bristol Palin? Why are you bringing her up? What relevance does that have to this discussion?

* Subsidies for Exxon-Mobile are necessary and vital to ensuring their continued success. Funding tsunami, volcano, and earthquake warning services are unnecessary government expenses that only benefit a few science nerds. (I'm sure the people in Japan would agree, right?)

* The Nuclear Regulatory Commission is unnecessary. (I'm sure the people in Japan would agree with this one too, right?)

* It is just and proper for a CEO to take eleven cookies, and leave the union member and the teabagger to fight over the other one, because asking the CEO to take less of the cookies is socialism. (Part internet joke, part Bill Mahar)

* John Edwards cheated on his cancer-stricken wife because he's a degenerate scumbag. Newt Gingrich cheated on his cancer-stricken first wife because of his patriotism and love of America.

* A .2% increase in the top marginal tax rate is like being raped. (Rich asshole Peter Schiff actually said this)

* Absolutely no government money should go to funding NPR, but it's okay for the government to spend advertising dollars on Fox News.

* It's okay to hire a supporter's mistress for a government job while blaming government worker salaries for your state's budget crisis. Even if the mistress has gotten a big raise compared to the prior holder of her new job.

* Big corporations should get more tax cuts to spur job creation, even though they are currently neither paying taxes nor creating jobs.

* A teacher's salary of $50,000 a year is extravagant. A congressman's salary of $175,000 means they're "struggling".

* An NPR executive who makes accurate disparaging remarks about teabaggers off-air must resign. A Fox News executive who makes inaccurate disparaging remarks about the President off-air does not have to resign, and will probably be promoted and given a raise.

* It's okay to threaten secession from the federal government, then come begging for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire.

* The 1950's were the absolute best time in human history because taxes were low, unions were weak, and homosexuals didn't exist.

[liberal N proud]

1. K&R