It's the LAW!

[Phoenix63]

We are a nation of laws. We must respect the law. Especially these:

In Alabama

It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses. (Great I gotta stay wet because of the damn horses)

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind (Ok.. not sure why they needed a law to tell me that)


In Alaska

Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. (Tell Sarah it's ok to shoot them though)

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. (If someone wants to wake up a bear for a polaroid, I'd pay to see it.)

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.(Tell Sarah to shoot it first)


In Arkansas

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (Redneck capitol of America)

Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. (I got nothing)

Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.(Sure why not? Better than the toilet)


In Colorado

Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday. (At least you only get screwed 6 days a week)

No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Have you ever seen a drunk Bronco's fan? This one actually makes sense)

It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.(Wait till the horse sobers up)


In Florida

The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages. (So quit fucking the pig)

One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person.(Unnatural?)

Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.(Lewd?)

In Georgia

All sex toys are banned. (I wonder what they are going to do about the produce section?)

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.(Fucking respect the dead)


In Iowa

It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp. (Another reason I live in Colorado)

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.(Uh Oh)

One-armed piano players must perform for free.(well of course.. you ever hear a one armed piano player play Piano Man? )

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.(Again.. Uh Oh)


In Minnesota


It is illegal to sleep naked.(That's why I wear my birthday suit)

Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.(Rooster is ok though)

Oral sex is prohibited. (Uh Oh)


In Mississippi


Adultery or Fornication (living together while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.(Could solve the debt with this one)

Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.(Unnatural?)

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.(Trained TSA agents are checking right now)


In New York


The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Again, they needed a law for this?)

New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.(LMAO)

A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.(There are actually a number of states with this law.. makes you wonder)



In North Carolina


While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.(Thank god we have blinds and not shades)

If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.(Uh Oh)

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart.(Ozzy and Harriet)


In Oaklahoma


It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.(Moose is ok, just no Buffalo)

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Whaling is illegal.(The famous Oklahoma Dry Whale is endangered)


In Tennessee


Interracial marriages are illegal. (Tennessee soon to join the 19th Century)

Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.(Uh Oh)


In Texas


One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.(No Ronald Reagan does not count)

Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.(Hey that one is a vibrator I swear!)

Homosexual behavior is a misdemeanor offense.(Punishable by death)


And these are just the tip of the iceberg.
http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states

[rug]

1. In New York it is illegal to have sex with a dead body or with a live animal

but it is not illegal to have sex with a dead animal.

Go figure.

[lonestarnot]

2. And I see you left out AZ. That would require too much band width.

[Phoenix63]

4. Well, since you asked...

In Arizona

You may not have more than two dildos in a house.(Keep em' in the garage)

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.(Again.. the toilet is ok)

Hunting camels is prohibited.(Joe Arpaio wasn't getting a cut of the Camel Hump market)


:toast:

[lonestarnot]

7. ROFLMAO!

[UndertheOcean]

3. LOL !!!

[Recovered Repug]

5. I thinking that

there are really good stories behind some of these laws.

[Phoenix63]

The ice cream cone in the pocket

has me curious for sure. There were a bunch of states with similar "cone" laws...

[Hotler]

6. You can now buy liquor on Sundays here in Colorado. n/t

[mrcheerful]

8. Well the New York ice cream in the pocket law makes real good sense if

your living in Mississippi and your pants rubbing on your junk gives you erections, I know but hey there could be a guy or two that get aroused by rubbing pants crotches via their pants pockets, better known to the layman as pocket pool. And as every guy knows cold has the reverse action of a women's nipple when cold things are applied.

[marybourg]

9. Possibly they've since repealed this one, but up until the late '70's

it was illegal in N.Y. for Shakers (google it if you don't know) to abduct children from the street.