Teehee! ;)

[Zorro]

By Kyrsten Sinema

Truth be told, I’ve never really felt like I fit the mold of the Democratic Party. As a proud senator of Arizona, I’ve always voted for what I think is right, whether my high-powered colleagues agree with me or not. That’s why, today, I—Kyrsten Sinema—am proud to announce that I have made the decision to leave the Democratic Party and officially register as an independent.

Teehee!

I know that many, if not all, of my Democratic colleagues are likely surprised, but the truth is that in an effort to best serve my constituents, I have long been thinking about leaving the party. While this was by no means an easy decision, the truth is, I know deep down in my heart that I’m kewl. I’m ~*hawt*~. I’m sexiii. LMAO. This is totally me rn: O

Baahahhaha. ROFL.

Omg, but FR, aren’t legislative decisions like soOoOoOoooo f-ing random? Sometimes, when I’m werking, and a bill that could 4evrr change the lives of millions of Americans for the better is slid across my desk, I’m like dis: (^-^). But sometimes, I’m like dis: ¯_(ツ _/¯

Like srsly…da fillibuster? da stimulus package? da $15 minimim wage? LMAO!! Talk 2 da hand!!

Alsoooooooooo, many prominent figures on the left have expressed concerns that I will now drastically change my voting record. But I assure you, I am ~*xtremely*~ rad, and as such it obviiii will not change. Like, wut wld I even do differently? Oh, 1 sec. My BFFL Chuck Schumer is calling!

BRB!!!

OK…I’m back. Wahhhhhhh!! I literally h8 Chuck sooooooOOOOooo much. He suxxxx. Sry…like, I know I’m fun ’n kewl but...honestly, sum times it’s rly hard to be me… . U don’t even know…Srsly, why do ppl h8 me? I try my best but ppl are still major a-holes. FML. (T_T)

*sighs*

Anywhoooooooooo! JK! My life is awesum.

Meow!!!

I guess I’m just different than other Democratic senators, you know? They can be so fake. And that’s why I say:

goin down, down in an {eArLiEr rOuNd}
& sugar, we’re goin down swingin
i’ll be ur #1 one w/ a {bUlLeT}
loaded {g*d} complex, cock it & pull it

Anyways, g2g do my homewerk & read sum billzzz n’ stuff . C u l8tr! LUV U!!!!

— xXKrysten SinemaXx

https://www.theonion.com/teehee-1849876436

[brush]

1. Isn't that nice. She's the biggest, bait-and-switch phony ever.

No spring chicken and still dresses like a 20-someting.