My Wife's Friend of 55+ Years...
...& her college roommate came home from The Keys to go into the hospice her sister founded about 40 years ago.
She basically has cancer of everything now, but started as lung cancer.
Went through chemo & radiation 3 times, but it just kept coming back.
She's lived in Florida ever since she returned from the Peace Corps is 1980. She was a social worker for the state. Retired 2 years ago. Been a crummy retirement.
Been taking my wife to see her every other day since the 7th spending a couple hours to spell the family.
Today seemed like the end is near. She was talking about seeing people earlier today that have been dead 10 to 20 years. She forgot my name and we met in 1981, and saw each other about every 3 years since.
She couldn't keep her eyes open. She asked my wife "What time am I dying today?" My wife told her she couldn't know the answer, but she also knew not to say "You won't die."
I sense acceptance in the little she said today. Like she's ready for this to be over.
Obviously, my wife is pretty bummed out. We'll go again tomorrow, but now it's more for my wife than for her friend.
I'm going at around 1am to spell her nephew, and come home around 4. I don't want my wife to go. She's having enough sleep issues and that's not good given the meds she's on.
Hoping you'll send some good vibes for her friends & family. Alas, they'll do no good for our friend. But, the rest can use some solace.
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Still her acceptance of reality helps
Or slowly fade away.
That said it must be very hard for your parents, you and your family.
My dad died a little over a year ago. I learned at the last minute he had liver cancer after he complained of excruciating back pain. I immediately flew across country to be with and get him help. A week in Mayo Clinic in Jax where they got his pain under control and a week or 2 in rehab. When I arrived I found out he had an appointment with an oncologist to discuss treatment options. I went with him after hearing about the option for treatment and all the likely side effects I asked dad what he wanted to do and he told me and the Dr that he had 92 wonderful years and was would opt for quality of life vs quantity. I drove him back to assisted living and we engaged hospice. He didn’t experience any pain for the 5 or so weeks. Then he was taken to hospice for about 2 days and gently passed. It was very hard getting use to the idea of him being gone, but he didn’t suffer.
I can’t imagine having to face both parents nearing the end at the same time. I am sending you energy to give you strength and hugs to give you comfort.
May her dear friend cross gently. 
that is what matters and sometimes all we can really do (being present and supportive).
and bless you for giving respite to her family.
And to you as you care for them/about them. I'm so sorry your wife's dear friend had so little healthy retirement to enjoy. But it sounds as if you and hospice are doing everything right and she is at peace with what's coming.
The worry about your wife, the loss of her friend, the sadness for good people who work their whole lives and then are struck with illness when they retire. It's a lot to deal with. I'm glad your DU family is here for you.
Like your wife, I struggle with insomnia. I've been listening to a podcast called Sleep With Me that has helped. I support the podcaster on patreon so I don't have to listen to the first annoying ten minutes or so where he talks about sponsors and such, but the podcast is free and it's easy to fast forward past the beginning. I found it took about three episodes before I understood what the podcaster is doing and how to make it work for me. The trick is to not listen too closely; almost like a boring but friendly dinner guest. He tells listeners to think of him as a Borefriend or a neighBore. I hope that if she tries it, it helps.
follow her own path here.
You are a good husband. Just do what you can.
Sending good vibes to your wife, her friend, and all involved on both sides!
in her final journey. May her memories be a blessing to all that know and love her. May her family and friends find peace. strength duing this time.
For the professor in you, the transitive property of caring:
If you care for wife during this time and wife cares for her dear friend during this time , then you are caring for dear friend during this time.
After watching what my father was subjected to. I hope to just drop dead quickly without any awareness. I never want to be at the hands of evil people like that.
that haven't already been typed. Peace to all involved.
Take care of yourselves.
