I have a black eye...

[Unknown Beatle]

I got into a fight last night (12.24.22) with this big fat bastard who was trying to break into my home. He got a shot in but I ended up kicking his ass and he ran away. I got the black eye after I slipped on the ice and slammed my temple into the corner of the car door. I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.

Update:
I just heard from the Lima Police Department (Lima, Ohio). that this EXACT kind of break in was reported many times last night and I was not the first. In fact many N.R.A members reported taking a few shots at this lunatic. I heard 1 person who said that "If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms." Sad isn't it?

From UPI:
"According to recent reports from the L.P.D. "This is not a 'LONE' perpetrator, but the work of a TEAM", consisting of one man and one woman. The woman, apparently being a prostitute, as the main 'Person of Interest' in these break ins, was heard, multiple times, calling out for the help of his 'Ho' according to unconfirmed reports."

People just seem to go nuts during the Holiday Season. This incident has convinced me to join the NRA and buy a weapon to protect my home from unwanted intruders. And I hope the NRA pamphlet explains the difference between -an intruder- and -an unwanted intruder- because I would hate to draw down on the WRONG intruder. I could probably find the definition under a subtext if I looked up the difference between rape, and REAL rape, but I digest...invest...divest...uhmmm....wait..... digress...yeah that's it...DIGRESS.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

P.S. It sucks that I had to turn this bag of goods he left here over to the L.P.D. As I looked thru it before they arrived and I would have LOVED to own ALL the crap in the bag. It's almost like I ASKED for this stuff. How strange is that?

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

1. Same guy threatened me with a Kung-Fu "Snot-blower" stance before escaping ...

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;


I'm glad that's over. for another year.

Next event: being herded into cages, wearing diapers to poop in, just to see a disco ball descend toward Times Square.

[Raine]

2. Cute story! 👍You had me going for a couple of sentences 🤔 then I caught on, lol! 🎅 😆 nt

[True Dough]

3. Next time

just offer him cookies and milk. I hear that settles him down.

[nightwing1240]

4. Had me going too lol

Cool story, Merry Christmas!

[Ohio Joe]

5. Lima... Home to kewpee's

Ohhhh… Been many years since I had a kewpee burger

[Emile]

6. You need to send this to the Onion 🤔

[Auggie]

7. Well done

[dalton99a]

8. Kick

[panader0]

9. Good one.

[llmart]

10. Very cute.

Thanks for the lighthearted laugh to start my day.