Romney is on his way to Puerto Rico. Here are some Spanish phrases for him.

[MineralMan]

He'll need some expressions he can use to charm the locals. Here are handy phrases he can use:

For example, he'll want a friendly greeting in Spanish to use when opening a speech. I suggest he say "Chinge Ustedes Todos!" That'll show his mastery of the language, for sure.

He may want to claim that he is a Puerto Rican at heart. For this, he can say "Estoy un Puto Rico!"

Then, of course, he'll want to say some kind words about the children of Puerto Rico. I suggest he say "Comeremos sus niños."

When he tries the local food, he'll want to pay a compliment to the chef. He can say "Este alimento prueba como la mierda."

Naturally, he'll want to ask for their votes. Here's a phrase he can say: "Voto para mí, pendejos!"

I can supply more useful phrases. All he needs to do is contact me.

[izquierdista]

1. You forgot one

Mi carro es tu carcel. Arriba en la caja!

[MineralMan]

3. I'm sure I forgot many. Thanks for adding to the list!

[brooklynite]

2. The important thing is say them in a really funny Spanish Accent...

...the locals just love that..

[MineralMan]

5. No worries there. He'll do just fine with that.

[brewens]

6. No you just speak American but real slow and LOUD. Foreigners can understand you

if you do that.

[MineralMan]

7. Oh, no. My phrases will be much more effective.

People really like it when you try to speak their language, I've found. He'll really be noticed by the people there. It'll be in all the papers.

Note: That was directed at the post just above. My bad.

[brewens]

4. They'll be stumped all right! Wondering WTF is this guy doing even

thinkng he's gonna be Prsident?

[Ruby the Liberal]

8. Well done!

Now, how to get the list to him.

[MineralMan]

9. Well, I'm thinking he should have me write his

entire speech. I'm an expert, you know. He'll want to sound authentic and shit, I'm sure.

Although I'm more comfortable with Spanish from western Mexico, I can adapt to Puerto Rican Spanish for him.

[Ruby the Liberal]

11. I'm thinking you should as well.

Funny thread.

[onethatcares]

33. he'd probably think,

"eh, spanish is spanish. They all came from the same country anyway. Seen one, seen em all".

[MineralMan]

10. I forgot a very important phrase:

Last edited Fri Mar 16, 2012, 03:39 PM - Edit history (1)

He will want to invite the Puerto Ricans to visit the mainland, so he should say, "Si usted viene a América, encarcelaré sus familias."

[tavalon]

36. Absolutely!

He'll have them eating out of his hands with that one.

[MineralMan]

44. Translation of above:

Si usted viene a América, encarcelaré sus familias. - If you come to America, I will imprison your families.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

12. En Mississippi yo comí cheesy grits - hay groserías tipicamente puertorriqueñas

que puedo comprar?

...and another one...

Mi español no es muy bueno. Lo siento. Estoy embarazado.

[RebelOne]

19. Easier to say:

Mi Espanol es muy mal or No hablo Espanol. I lived in Miami for many years and when anyone spoke Spanish to me, that is what I would say and they would immediately switch to English. Nowadays, there is a huge Hispanic population in the Miami area and they all assume everyone speaks Spanish. But why bother? I have been to Puerto Rico and they all speak English anyway.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

26. I don't think you got it, but that's okay - no one else did

These are two common mistakes Americans make when trying to speak Spanish. They will say groserías to mean "groceries" but they are really saying "obscenities" in Spanish. I knew a girl who got brought tears of laughter to Mexicans on the street when she would ask them where the grocery store was located (yo busco
groserías means "I'm looking for obscenities&quot .

When she would be told of her mistake, she would apologize for her poor Spanish saying estoy embarazada meaning to say "I'm embarrassed" but actually saying "I'm pregnant" in Spanish.

[MineralMan]

27. I got it. Sorry I didn't reply.

A guy's gotta watch his cognates, for sure.

[tavalon]

38. I'm sorry

Humor impairment is such a difficult affliction to live with.

Oh, and to help you out. Embarazado is not embarrassed, though Mitt surely ought to be. It means pregnant.

[tavalon]

37. Embarazado!

I spent my first 8 years as a labor and delivery nurse at a hospital in San Antonio. I didn't speak much spanish, but I certainly remember that one. I'm sure the National Enquirer would love to have confirmation on just how embarazado Mittins is. HAH!

[nolabear]

13. And don't forget to say how much you love tacos, Mitt!

[MineralMan]

14. That's right. All Spanish speakers

are Mexicans. Romney knows that, for sure!

[Kahuna]

29. DUzy!

[no_hypocrisy]

15. Los frijoles y guaño me gustan!

[MineralMan]

16. Very nice addition. Gracias.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

31. That's like cheesy grits, right?

[tavalon]

39. Ah, si, Guano es fragrant y apestoso.

Gosh, I think Mitt could save a great deal of money if he just used our version of Spanish For Dummies.

[11 Bravo]

17. After kissing an adorable infant, be sure to tell the mom, "Su bebe parece mi culo."

[MineralMan]

18. It would be better like this:

"Tu bebé se parece mi culo.

You need the reflexive "se" in there, and the Tu to make it specific to the mother.

[11 Bravo]

20. Thanks! (I'm over 40 years removed from my High School Spanish.)

I'm just thrilled that the gist of it came through!

[MineralMan]

22. Well, I just wanted to make sure Romney gets it right,

so people will understand clearly. He needs to sound sincere, you know.

[Chorophyll]

21. Ha! I only know "Spanglish" but I got the gist of those phrases.

[MineralMan]

23. They may not all be perfect, but

the listeners will get the idea, I'm sure.

[arbusto_baboso]

24. You forgot to add....

"Chinga tu madre" and "Chupa su pero" as good all-purpose phrases.

[Erose999]

25. He will want to proclaim Puerto Rico as "The land of milk and honey" in his introduction

!Hola ustedes!

!Me llamo mitt y yo viene a cagar en la leche!

[HopeHoops]

28. "Wassup? I had a breakfast plate of caviar tacos and some of that cinca demayonaise sause."

"I love that fur and those little dangly balls in that El Comino rental car they gave me. I may just add it to my fleet back home. Heck, it was probably made here."

"And I love those hot peppers you poeple grow. I've got a few buddies who on large pepper farms around here."

"Headen up north after here. You people like skiing? I love grabbin' a burrito and some of that beer with the Mexican-sounding name after a day of skiing. "

[hifiguy]

30. He could always kiss a baby and say

Tu madre es una puta.

[crunch60]

32. Or he could say ,

"Your mother must be proud of you"

La puta Madre que te pario'

[tavalon]

40. Absolutely

Her vote would be in the bag, for sure!

[TeamsterDem]

34. "Me gustan los arboles aca, son de buena altura"

Imaginase la risa ese bola 'e mierda alcahueteandose en dos idiomas. Ese malparido tan maluco no se da cuenta que no se vende el respeto, y fingir ser un parecido nunca sea lo mismo que ser genuino.

[etherealtruth]

35. "Voto para mí, pendejos!"

By the time I got to this one I was laughing uproariously (there is a 16 year old in my house that is now confident his mother has lost her mind).

Sadly, I am sure Romney will use a few

[tavalon]

41. Pray to La Madre Maria that he does

I guess you guys all know that Obama is actually fluent in Spanish. He would blush at the stuff we wrote here, but we're just trying to help the poor Spanish impaired mittens, really.

[Odin2005]

42. "Fuck all you guys" "I'll eat your babies" "vote for me, assholes" ROFL

[MineralMan]

43. For the Non-Spanish Speakers:

Chinge Ustedes Todos! - Fuck you all!

Estoy un Puto Rico! - I am a rich whore.

Comeremos sus niños. = We will eat your children.

Este alimento prueba como la mierda. = This food tastes like shit.

Voto para mí, pendejos! - Vote for me, assholes!

[tavalon]

45. I'm only semi fluent but I got the gist of each of these

That's why I have a busted spleen now! You owe me a spleen, bucko!