General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forumsmy former student that committed suicide on the 10th can't have a funeral due to lack of funds
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027674497The family has been contacting all of his former teachers asking for help because they don't have the funds.
They are hoping they can have the funeral on the 25th but they are not sure yet.
This is a disgrace that people can not give their family a proper funeral.
https://www.gofundme.com/83twtps5
The family has put up a link to help raise funds.
https://www.gofundme.com/83twtps5
please share if you are so inclined
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)libdem4life
(13,877 posts)polly7
(20,582 posts)CaliforniaPeggy
(149,791 posts)May the family know peace.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)thank you so very much
lpbk2713
(42,774 posts)She walks the walk like no one else I know of.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)Again-thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)My student's family will so appreciate this
Loki
(3,825 posts)Giving is what we are about.
onecaliberal
(32,991 posts)demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)"What a tremendous help you have been. We have been trying to think of other ways to get donations and have been stuck. We have Kolby's plot covered, but we needed funds to pay for the embalming and ceremony. I can't believe it's so expensive. You have just given me hope in the human race! I thank you with all my heart!! God bless you!"
You guys are all so awesome
Ken Burch
(50,254 posts)Being desperate for funds to cover this young man's funeral while still being deep in grief and shock.
And what a country...costs too much to live, costs too much to die.
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)that left the kid in hospital for 10 days.
Besides the empathy for the kid(s), there is the question of what I might have missed, said or whatever that might have saved the kid.
I recall one kid --- it was a small class, maybe 12 kids in the class. U.S. History. All the kids except him were in the middle or one side of the room. He sat by himself in the window row, two rows away from the nearest kid. One day, he went home from school and dove onto a butcher knife.
These kids were in a school, upper middle class.
Years later, I was teaching in an urban school. I talked about kids and my experience with kids and suicide. One kid asked where I taught. His response was that suicide was a white kid's problem. We don't commit suicide. Two months later, was the event with the kid that ended in hospital.
I have been retired for 10 years now, but the memories about these kids still come back to me.
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)funeral home. You don't have to buy it from the funeral home.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I have been a teacher for a long time. I have lost several students but this one is especially sad and so unexpected.
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)REP
(21,691 posts)I had my mother cremated when she died extremely unexpectedly nearly two years ago. It was a little over $1,000.00.
Silver_Witch
(1,820 posts)is when you can't take care of the last piece of business that life demands.
I sent along a wee bit - hope they find lots of donors to help put Kolby to rest.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I can't thank you enough and I know the family is grateful beyond belief
Feeling the Bern
(3,839 posts)demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)when my mom died it cost us almost 10 grand
every little thing from the death notice to the casket and process to the headstone
when you get the list of all the cost it is staggering.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)We chose to do the service at the funeral home. It was still $6,500 in 2007.
My heart goes out to this young man's family and to you. It has been almost 9 years, and many days I still can't wrap my head around it. Our son graduates from high school this year, and my life is dedicated to keeping him alive.
Much love to your and yours.
~Laura
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I can not imagine the pain and loss and devastation you went through
Ghost Dog
(16,881 posts)in the interest of open knowledge:
What becomes of the corporal remains of those whose people simply cannot pay these fees to corporations?
Feeling the Bern
(3,839 posts)Ghost Dog
(16,881 posts)for many or most.
... And these potters' fields (a term new to me) will be operated by corporations which get paid by charities or the public purse, depending on county?
Hoppy
(3,595 posts)plot and simple marker.
In N.Y.C., there is Potters Field with the same. In prior years, there was no marker.
Potters Field was a difficult situation for survivors. There was little or no access to the island because the work was done by prisoners and it was considered unsafe for visitors to mix with the prisoners. There is now effort to change this and families are allowed in small numbers.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I know they do not have any extra. The mother has several kids younger than Kolby. I also taught one of the younger brothers a few years ago.
That family has been through a LOT
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)they are trying to raise money for the embalming and process
I just can not imagine
REP
(21,691 posts)We had all read The American Way of Death, and she made her wishes clear (even though he death was completely unexpected). I had it done through the local Burial and Cremation Society, and did not have any embalming done, as it isn't necessary.
Enrique
(27,461 posts)imho
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)this family is just devestated
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)it will be almost 2 weeks since his horrible death before he can have a funeral and burial.
I think if they can reach half of their goal, they can put the "deposit down" and then move forward with the service and worry about the rest
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)because the money isn't there.
I had no idea that was even legal.
My GOD if I could, I would give them the money for that. That just seems so inhumane
LibDemAlways
(15,139 posts)what I can. I'm a teacher, too. A 7th grader in my school district committed suicide recently sending a shockwave through the school. She was a beautiful girl whose outward appearance masked deep depression. So sad. I hope your student's family finds peace.
mnhtnbb
(31,415 posts)and he left this life the day I was celebrating my 65th birthday.
One of my oldest son's friends committed suicide when he was a senior in high school.
It is so sad.
Wish I could do more than make a donation...but at least I can do that.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)to give to a family that you have never met makes my heart sing.
I know there is good in the world and you all have proven it
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)His grandmother says you all are sent from God. She is so very thankful to the 10 of you that opened your hearts
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)...and my son is still my little boy. I can't imagine this family losing their little boy. I will help you keep this kicked. I would love to see DU come together and take care of this.
I hope you are doing okay.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I am doing okay.
I always do better when I can be busy like trying to help the family
I dread going back to school tomorrow and having the crisis team out
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)liberalfromaustin21
(61 posts)My deepest condolences to that student.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)The family is about half way to what they need
Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)Maybe people can share the link on social media even if they can't donate.
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)great idea
demtenjeep
(31,997 posts)I can never thank you all enough ever...
Maru Kitteh
(28,345 posts)Hekate
(91,005 posts)No way could my daughter and her husband have handled this. Not the cost and not the work when they were so devastated. I don't know how anyone can do it all alone.
But here's how we got through: first you realize that upselling funeral services is just what they do. Resist that. Go in knowing you aren't buying a solid walnut coffin with an innerspring mattress inside. If you want a coffin at all and not cremation, realize that you can order one online, even from Costco.
My daughter and her husband chose cremation.... No grave, no headstone. I, personally, would have gone for that kind of memorial for the ashes, but not everyone wants to. Costs for a gravesite depend on availability of space in your area. My FIL bought his own site many many years ago for $300; by the time my MIL passed away it was $3,000 to be buried in the same section. My neighbors chose a lovely place about an hour's drive away for his parents. Graveside services, "opening" the grave, all that adds up.
Renting a space at the church cost something -- use of the sanctuary, the hall, and the kitchen. Deposit for cleaning fees if you didn't clean up after yourself. Honorarium for the minister. Those were our biggest expenses.
Flowers. Food.
Damn I think I'm tearing up.
Everybody says "What can I do to help?" It took me two days to recover enough from the shock to figure out what to say, and then I grabbed the next person who said that and told her, and the next person likewise, and so on. In the immediate aftermath, people want to help. Let them.
I told one friend of my daughter's to use her phone list to ask people to bring trays of simple finger food. I told my friends to stand by to receive the trays and lay them out on the tables. I asked specific people to bring tablecloths. I told my SIL's male friends to pull the heavy tables and chairs from storage at the church and to set them up, then put them away afterward. A crew of his friends took charge of the church kitchen and then left it spotless afterward. My friends didn't so much buy flower arrangements as they did living potted plants to decorate the altar. We had garden flowers on the tables, and they were so beautiful.
All that was free, because people asked to help and wanted to help. Food, flowers, labor before and after. Most of the leftover food went home with the grieving family, so they wouldn't have to cook for awhile.
Blessings to all who mourn, and may they be comforted. I hope these words help someone some day.