General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI am not religious but I have a custom I like to do for my Catholic friends and neighbors
when I travel to Catholic countries and visit their churches. I light a candle in one of their churches for them.
I'll be going to Sicily at the end of next month and I asked a troubled friend who is not Catholic if I could light a candle for him. I didn't want to be presumtive. Not everyone wants that and my husband is one of them. He is Jewish and it would be offensive for me to presume he would appreciate it. He agreed.
But our friend liked the idea and gave me permission. He seemed slightly awed at my request because he knows I am not religious. I told him that I do like the custom and find it touching.
I guess some of you are puzzled about this but I assure you I have not taken leave of my senses.
Anyway, it's just how I feel...
merrily
(45,251 posts)I accepted it with profuse thanks and genuine gratitude for her thoughtfulness and intentions. Later, unbeknownst to her, I passed the vial on to the family of a devout Syrian Orthodox man who seemed to be in very dire straits across the hall from my room. They seemed very grateful.
People trying to convert you or praying aloud when you have little reasonable choice but to remain and listen is one thing. Doing something they believe with all their hearts will help you and is not at all intrusive is another.
Raster
(20,998 posts)"People trying to convert you or praying aloud when you have little reasonable choice but to remain and listen is one thing. Doing something they believe with all their hearts will help you and is not at all intrusive is another."
sarge43
(28,946 posts)"Prayer, can't hurt; might help."
A candle is a point of light in the darkness; hope that can not be extinguished
Raster
(20,998 posts)CTyankee
(63,926 posts)genuinely happy about it. I hate to see him so down on himself and so does my husband (the two of them get together for a beer on Friday afternoons and have genuine affection for each other.
Emily Dickinson, a nonrelgious person, once wrote to a troubled friend "Let Emily sing for you because she cannot pray." I love that line...
merrily
(45,251 posts)Bluenorthwest
(45,319 posts)You know a thing or two about a thing or two......
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)there is a ton of stuff on her that is available for researchers. As reclusive as she was, we know a lot about her from her trove of letters to her friends...
Lefty Thinker
(96 posts)"Preach the gospel always and, when necessary, use words."
merrily
(45,251 posts)would go both ways, both giver and receiver would behave kindly.
Raster
(20,998 posts)Though I am not Jewish, for Rosh Hashanah, I usually prepare a small tray of cut apple slices and a bit of organic honey to dip the apple slices in to symbolize a sweet new year, and offer this to my friends and co-workers....
And though I am not Catholic, I too have lit candles in Catholic churches I've visited... followed by a quiet moment...
And though I am not Budhist, I have lit incense offerings at the Budhist temples I have visited... followed by a quiet moment...
Peace be unto you. Shalom.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)Friday on our street. I love to see them walking with their tallis in a little bag. My stepdaughter is a Reform Rabbi and her ordination ceremony was beyond beautiful and I cried tears of joy for her...
Raster
(20,998 posts)...though I may not agree nor, even at times understand, I do feel the sincerity and their power of belief... I think it is a good thing.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Thank you for sharing.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)that could find this awful. But our friend told me "No one has ever done this for me before." I said some probably did light candles for you and didn't tell you.
Glad this is getting a positive respnse...
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)I can't imagine any negative responses your OP would have engendered (Ok, any substantive negative responses).
Your actions seem kind and inclusive and, well... human.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)are some here who believe that religion is the opiate of the masses. I choose to live and let live. And I have had incredibly beautiful moments at my granddaughters' bat mitzvahs and of course my stepdaughter's ordination.
I hope with this candle lighting to also include a picture of the church where I did it so our friend can see that he was being thought of in a faraway place which he will never see. It just comforts me, too...
My latest thought is to try for the church in Siricusa where The Burial of St. Lucy by Caravaggio is. It is one of my most favorite works by him and incredibly moving. However, on my first trip to Sicily the painting had been sent to Florence for restoration and I was outta luck. Hopefully, it is back now.
Here is this heartbreaking painting
Albertoo
(2,016 posts)Intentions are good.
Their religious embodiment is just a heist on the best part of us.
Albertoo
(2,016 posts)here's another great Animals' song:
MarianJack
(10,237 posts)...I think that you're epitomizing respect for others!
PEACE!
elljay
(1,178 posts)was dying of cancer, I brought back an icon and some items from the Orthodox Patriarchate in Jerusalem. I made sure to ask for help because as a Jew, I didn't want to bring back an image of the patron saint of pregnancy! She was very appreciative and I know it eased her mind in her last days. I am not much of a believer, but if believing makes someone feel better and they do not try to impose their beliefs on others, it is fine with me.
Amimnoch
(4,558 posts)It's no different than if you are in the home of someone from another culture.. You respect their traditions and culture.
If you go into someones home, and their tradition is you remove your shoes and leave them outside.. A respectful person does this.
You go into a religious place, like a Catholic church, and respect their traditions..
You don't have to believe in anyones faith, or take on someones culture as your own in order to be respectful and adhere to it when you're in their place. To me, that's exactly what being a civilized person is all about.. Respecting people and traditions even when your own point of view differs.
Jim Lane
(11,175 posts)I'm not religious either, so I don't believe that lighting a candle can affect the health of someone who's thousands of miles away. Nevertheless, lighting the candle plus telling the person about it could well have an effect. If the beneficiary is religious (or even, like your friend, not a Catholic but moved by your thoughtfulness), and now thinks "I'm going to get better" because of the candle, it might help. We don't know enough about the mind-body connection to rule it out.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)he is also sick with MS. Mabe he/ll start to feel some self worth...but he has so many other admirable qualities...
Bluenorthwest
(45,319 posts)I have a saint's medal given to me by a person I respect to whom the saint was significant, that significance is sufficient for me to take his gift as one of meaning even if I don't think the saints are saints.
Raster
(20,998 posts)oldandhappy
(6,719 posts)I would like to borrow this idea!
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)too early and gave birth to a very premature baby who was kept alive in the hospital for several weeks until she died. I felt so terrible for her that it's when I started doing this. In Florence I went to the Duomo and lit a candle for a friend whose husband was dying of brain cancer.
I think that sometimes we want so badly to do something...anything to help...it gives us a feeling of having some "input" as it were! At least I hope so...
greymouse
(872 posts)paleotn
(18,012 posts)It's the thought behind it that counts.
Depaysement
(1,835 posts)Maybe you're touched by God. She doesn't insist on religion, humans do.
Anyway it's a nice and gracious custom.
yeoman6987
(14,449 posts)As far as Sicily goes, if you have time try to go to Taormina. Beautiful! The opera house in Catania is wonderful as well. I enjoyed my time there. Oh and the food is to die for. Try the pasta alla Norma....I think you may love it! Whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a great time.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)The pasta all Norma is their own national dish, as it were. I had it several times. I love eggplant. And the pizza was terrific. There is a huge opera house in Palermo (where the last scene in Godfather II was filmed.) Palermo is a world class city and I just loved it. I liked Siricusa for all of its Greek heritage.
Did you know we have a military presence there? Signorella Air Station near Siricusa flew cargo to Libya during that engagement. And the movie Patton has a lot of scenes there.
Poor Sicily, it was rolled over by every empire in Western history...that gives it its distinct flavor, I think...
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)He never believed. I gave up believing long ago. It is still nice, and she is the one Christian I have ever met who walks the walk every day of her life.
1monster
(11,012 posts)Once during a conversation about having children, I mentioned to some casual friends that at 35 and having had two miscarriages and other problems, I didn't expect to ever have a child.
A week or so later, one of the women gave me a metal from a local shrine and told me she had lit a candle for me in the hopes that I would get pregnant.
Within three weeks, it was painfully (really, really bad morning sickness for eight and a half months) obvious that I was indeed pregnant.
I have never scoffed lighting candles since then...
(It is my understanding that candle magick is one of the oldest forms of "magick" predating Christianity by a long shot. The early Christians simply assimilated lighting candles as they did many other pagan customs.)
Politicub
(12,165 posts)And reflect on people who have gone on before me.
I'm not religious at all, but I do appreciate it prompts me to reflect for a moment.
There's just something beautiful about those candlescapes that represent the thoughts and feelings of so many individuals
shrike
(3,817 posts)There's a (sort of) joke: A Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Jew and an Atheist walk into a bar -- and they all get along and make friends. Because none of them is an asshole.
Raster
(20,998 posts)PufPuf23
(8,854 posts)I like the architecture and art and old stuff but also used the space as a refuge for rest and relaxation, cool and quiet.
Also lit candles in Catholic churches for no particular reason but I liked to on these rest and reflection stops.
I haven't traveled to speak of for 15 years so my church attendance is down.
CTyankee
(63,926 posts)control the symptoms. It was a hot day and the cathedral was cool and soothing. I was in Milan because my passport had been stolen and Milan was the closest American consulate. I now have a system of protecting my passport.