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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSome humor - You Are What You Eat - Trump Grill Could Be the Worst Restaurant in America
I know Trump is tweeting his anger at VF to distract, but I think we can have a few minutes time out to just appreciate this masterpiece.
http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/12/trump-grill-review
Halfway through a recent late lunch at the Trump Grillthe clubby steakhouse in the lobby of Trump Tower that has recently become famous through the incessant media coverage of its namesake landlord, and the many dignitaries traipsing through its marbled hall to kiss his ringI sensed the initial symptoms of a Trump overdose. Thanks to an unprecedented influx of diners, we were sitting at a wobbly overflow table outside the restaurant, in the middle of a crush of tourists, some of whom were proposing to their partners, or waiting to buy Trump-branded merchandise, or sprinting to the bathroom.
As my companions and I contemplated the most painless way to eat our flaccid, gray Szechuan dumplings with their flaccid, gray innards, as a campy version of Jingle Bells jackhammered in the background, a giant gold box tied with red ribbon toppled onto us. Trump, it seemed, was already fighting against the War on Christmas.
...
The allure of Trumps restaurant, like the candidate, is that it seems like a cheap version of rich. The inconsistent menusliterally, my menu was missing dishes that I found on my dining partnerswere chock-full of steakhouse classics doused with unnecessarily high-end ingredients. The dumplings, for instance, come with soy sauce topped with truffle oil, and the crostini is served with both hummus and ricotta, two exotic ingredients that should still never be combined. The menu itself would like to impress diners with how important it is, randomly capitalizing fancy words like Prosciutto and Julienned (and, strangely, House Salad).
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Arkansas Granny
(31,544 posts)This pictures at the end are priceless.
seaglass
(8,173 posts)Arkansas Granny
(31,544 posts)maddiemom
(5,106 posts)Donald Trump is HIS OWN idea of a rich person.
Renew Deal
(81,900 posts)It's like a casino restaurant and that's what Trump knows. Trump tower was a bit of a tourist trap. The restaurant needs to up its game to fit in with the neighborhood and Trumps new status. Make it at least as great as a Panera.
DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)Many casino restaurants are good, and they realize they have to keep prices low so that people blow more at the casino. If Trump ran his casino like his restaurant, no wonder the Taj Mahal fell.
Blue Owl
(50,596 posts)Arkansas Granny
(31,544 posts)Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)True gem zingers sprinkled liberally throughout.
Tanuki
(14,931 posts)"Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grills (Grilles) Gold Label Burger, a Pat LaFriedabranded short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese. It came with overcooked woody batons called frieshow can someone mess up fries?and ketchup masquerading as Heinz. If the cheeseburger is a quintessential part of Americas identity, Trumps pledge to make America great again suddenly appeared not very promising. (Presumably, Trumps Great America tastes like an M.S.G.-flavored kitchen sponge lodged between two other sponges.)"
yallerdawg
(16,104 posts)"The plate must have tilted during its journey from the kitchen to the table, as the steak slumped to the side over the potatoes like a dead body inside a T-boned minivan."
metroins
(2,550 posts)GusBob
(7,286 posts)progressoid
(50,021 posts)Mc Mike
(9,118 posts)arithia
(455 posts)hummus and ricotta.... what episode of Kitchen Nightmares did they find the head chef on?
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin
(108,485 posts)What kind of presentation was that?
The steak with mashed potatoes and broccoli -the broccoli looked overcooked. The mashed potatoes looked like they were from a mix. The steak looked gristley and was set on the mashed potatoes.
Was that served in a bowl? I've seen a better steak at the Sizzler.
arithia
(455 posts)I love how there was that steak juice puddle from the uncut meat all over the plate. Overcooked everything and mysteriously sweaty steak? That's the work of Chef Mic.
Just what you want from a pricey, high end meal. Microwaved f*cking food.
JoeOtterbein
(7,703 posts)Initech
(100,150 posts)seaglass
(8,173 posts)Donald J. Trump Verified account
@realDonaldTrump
Has anyone looked at the really poor numbers of @VanityFair Magazine. Way down, big trouble, dead! Graydon Carter, no talent, will be out!
Initech
(100,150 posts)It will come in handy the next four years.
seaglass
(8,173 posts)Initech
(100,150 posts)Which is in short sentences with simple language and lots of hyperbole. And the little that I know about method acting is that you need to get into the mindset of your character to replicate him or her.
Response to Initech (Reply #16)
Name removed Message auto-removed
maddiemom
(5,106 posts)A little over their heads, I would think.
3catwoman3
(24,133 posts)...and a total hoot to read!
niyad
(113,966 posts)Donald Trump is a poor persons idea of a rich person, Fran Lebowitz recently observed at The Vanity Fair New Establishment Summit. They see him. They think, If I were rich, Id have a fabulous tie like that. Nowhere, perhaps, does this reflection appear more accurate than at Trump Grill (which is occasionally spelled Grille on various pieces of signage). On one level, the Grill (or Grille), suggests the heights of plutocratic splendora steakhouse built into the basement of ones own skyscraper.
. . . .
niyad
(113,966 posts)Vinca
(50,334 posts)DinahMoeHum
(21,839 posts). . .can STILL stick a needle up Trump's rump.
After all, he and Kurt Andersen founded SPY Magazine way back in the late 1980s and
gave their blessing to Esquire Magazine's 1-month resurrection of SPY in October this year.
http://www.esquire.com/spy/
kwassa
(23,340 posts)I heard him interviewed about it. They continued it precisely because Trump got so upset about it.
DinahMoeHum
(21,839 posts)hunter
(38,353 posts)For the employees of Trump's grill it sounds as if the Olive Garden would be a step up.
Somehow I'm certain the tips would be better too.
Dark n Stormy Knight
(9,776 posts)Classless, self-aggrandizing glitz in place of taste and quality.
KamaAina
(78,249 posts)DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)He would be Tweeting against them for not making his place four star. Sad thing is, if Le Pen wins next year, she will probably force Michelin to give his place four stars. Either that or some critics will get a special Radioactive cocktail courtesy of Czar Rasputin.
Sgent
(5,857 posts)only gives up to 3 stars. Even a 1 star Michelin restaurant is considered one of the best in the world.
jmowreader
(50,601 posts)"We ate here so you don't have to. Negative three stars."
DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)lovely if true
jmowreader
(50,601 posts)From scanning his menu (which is as close as I intend to get to this place; not only does the restaurant belong to Donald Trump but it's really expensive) I find the following atrocities.
We shall start with his cocktail menu - fitting, because you'd have to be trashed to admit you went in this place.
He offers a "billionaire martini" for $20. In it you get "premium Chopin vodka" (which is reputed as a pleasant-tasting utility-grade vodka, not really "premium" at all), vermouth, an olive, an onion and a small French pickle called a cornichon. "Martinis" are, last I checked, supposed to be made from gin and not supposed to have onions in them (that drink is the Gibson); a "vodka martini" is also available but it'll be called that.
The "Boardroom" costs $17, and brings you what respectable saloons call a Rob Roy.
He serves a "5th Avenue" for $18. A cocktail called the 5th Avenue exists but it isn't this; Trump's version is better known as a Cosmopolitan.
His $18 "The Tower" bears an unsettling resemblance to a drink where the barkeep attempted to make a pina colada after running out of coconut cream. That may be best; coconut cream goes bad quickly.
And then there's the $15 Bloody Mary he calls "You're Fired."
He offers several "classic cocktails" such as gin martinis, Manhattans (of course) and mimosas; the prices are slightly more than outrageous to my mind, but then again I normally don't go to bars owned by teetotalers so who knows.
Moving on to the lunch menu, we find the infamous Trump Tower Taco Bowl, which costs eighteen freaking dollars.
He offers a "New England Lobster Roll" which proves more than anything that Trump hasn't actually been to New England. There are two basic variants to this rather proletarian dish: one has hot lobster with melted butter on it, the other has cold lobster mixed with mayo. The Orange Abomination's version is made with creme fraiche. It also says there are "herbs" on it. Now children, I can think of one "herb" that would help with the knowledge of Mr. Trump's planned maladministration...
I don't think that's the herb he puts on these, though.
For $23 you can get a "steak sandwich" containing "prime sirloin steak and crumbled bleu cheese served open face on toasted garlic bread. For $20 you can get a round-trip Megabus ticket to Philadelphia, where bleu cheese and steak sandwiches will never meet.
On the "you must be shitting me" list: he serves a "Gold Label Burger" for $19. Cheese and "toppings" are $1.15 per item extra.
He spelled "quesadilla" wrong. This particular abomination comes with "Dago's famous guacamole." Two problems here: "Dago" sounds like his guacamole-masher is Italian (because, of course, "Pedro's famous guacamole" would be WAY too obvious), and hasn't anyone told this testa de osso "dago" is an ethnic slur?
For twenty bucks you can get a "turkey BLT" that contains Russian dressing. Because why not, comrade?
The background picture is an especial joy: in the midst of Trump's overpriced, trying-too-hard eatery you see a plastic water bottle - naturally, one with The Donald's fat face on it - sitting right on the table. Donald, this is what carafes are for.
Let us move on to the Prix Fixe Menu. You have two choices. For $28, you can get your choice of salad or soup, pasta or a sandwich - one of which is his burger, and once again cheese is an upcharge - and either a brownie a la mode, ice cream or sorbet. For $17 extra you can upgrade to his 16-ounce sirloin steak, which hopefully is not a Trump Steak but rather something they just buy from a grocery store in Yonkers or something.
He offers a dessert menu, and on it is a very curious "New York style cheesecake." The price isn't bad - seven bucks seems to be the going rate for this dish in the city - but do they really need to point out it's "New York" cheesecake? Last I checked this restaurant is actually IN New York.
Here's where the shit gets weird: Mr. Trump offers a menu of seven "classic deli style sandwiches." Neither corned beef nor pastrami are offered. Perhaps this restaurant is not actually in New York.
This menu would get you an F in any community college's cooking school's Menu Design class.
BigDemVoter
(4,159 posts)was fucking hilarious!
DinahMoeHum
(21,839 posts)". . .The food is just like the owner, a gigantic piece of shit. . ."