Dear God, how could you betray us like this?
Dear God,
I know you are all-seeing, all knowing and all-powerful. You created everything, you watch everyone all the time and you decide how everything happens. Even when we humans don’t understand why, we know that whatever happens, it’s your will, and that you work in mysterious ways. But I have to confess that in my heart, I’ve been secretly feeling, that 2016 wasn’t your best year on record.
2016 will always be remembered as the year the Syrian war and Isil got even worse than anyone imagined, we had Brexit, the Zika virus struck in the caribbean, Chris Christie remained uncharged for his role in bridgegate, Brad and Angelina split up, Kanye West cancelled his tour, Vampire Diaries and Downton Abbey ended, Season 4 of the TV show Mistresses was cancelled, Za Za Gabor died, and Abe Vigoda died for the 4th or 5th time.
But it got even worse when Buzzfeed reported that Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring out of a NY pizza parlor. And even worse, when Western Journalism.com reported that Florida voted to institute Sharia law on April 28th, 2014. That was a really really bad day. All of the floridian BBQ houses had to throw out their pork. The state is now called Floridistan.
But I didn’t lose faith until you sent us your own emmisary of truth, donald trump, and he discovered the lost book of the Bible: 140 Twitteronomy, in the basement of a long-forgotten, foreclosed casino. That book brought us the 6 ecclesiastical revelations, in trump’s own words, all of them your own gospel:
1. Millions of democrats voted illegally, so Hillary’s popular vote win is really Trump’s.
2. Donald trump won every debate.
3. Barack Obama started Isis in the middle east.
4. Ted Cruz was photographed with Lee Harvey Oswald.
5. In 2016 U. S. unemployment skyrocketed to 42%.
6. None of Barack Obama’s classmates ever saw him in person at school.
All of that was bad enough, but what really made me wonder what you were up to was when I found out that the unthinkable had happened: I had heard rumors, but it was too terrible to contemplate. It is something that will effect world history, potentially for decades to come. Something that shattered people’s sense of security, that undermines american’s daily lives in every way. It’s so shocking that I can barely say the words:
Not everything on Facebook is true!
God: How could you let us be so fooled?! We had always had faith in the postings of our friends and neighbors, and 1-time acquaintances. We believed their stories that came around facebook, like,
• when Trump said America gave Canada it’s independence.
• Like, that Oprah Winfrey was pregnant at 61,
• like Amish people never have autistic children because they don’t get vaccinations.
• And that 37 people died in Colorado due to Marijuanna overdoses on the first day it was legalized.
So, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to tell you something: I’ve decided that maybe you aren’t all-seeing, all-knowing, or all-powerful. Because, after all, why would you create facebook, and then allow fake stories to be told? How could you lead us so astray? I guess I’ve lost all faith in facebook, and it’s all your fault. I hope you can do a better job in 2017. Maybe you should get some advice from Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. Amen.
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