Language guide for anyone encountering ICE Police.

[MineralMan]

Whatever your first language may be, always speak in Spanish to ICE officials. They intentionally do not understand anything said in Spanish. Whenever you hear a question, you can choose from one of these simple phrases in response. Always smile in a friendly way as you answer:

No entiendo.
¿Como?
¿Qué?
Soy americano.
Costa Mesa.
¿Dónde?
Quiero un abogado.
¿No hablas español?
San Fernando.
Los estadounidenses no están obligados a llevar papeles.
San Francisco.
Puerto Rico.


This will confound the ICE agent. He (she) will understand what you said, but will not admit that, and will simply ask questions in a louder voice.

Disclaimer: Do not follow my advice. I am making a bad joke.

[Eliot Rosewater]

1. So we dont need the EPA or NEA or ED (education) but we need a special

force to throw out hotel maids and landscapers?

Not to say all who they target are in those jobs, but the point being they are almost ALL harmless, law abiding decent people who work hard and pay taxes, two things fuckface in the WH has never done.

I say get rid of ICE entirely.

oh , almost forgote

[MineralMan]

2. Well, the ICE (la migra) is even trying to deport Puerto Ricans.

The morons don't even know that they are American citizens.

[csziggy]

3. Next they will start deporting people from New Mexico

Old joke - lots of people in other parts of the country don't realize New Mexico is and has been a state!

Is New Mexico a State? Some Americans Don't Know

August 5, 20078:00 AM ET
Heard on Weekend Edition Sunday

New Mexico Magazine has a monthly compilation of stories about Americans who don't know that New Mexico is a U.S. state. The editor, Walter Lopez, talks with Lynn Neary about the bank tellers, cell phone providers and ticketing agents who tell New Mexicans that they reside in another country.

<SNIP>

Mr. LOPEZ: Yeah. Yeah. Our favorite story is Phil(ph), who live in Santa Fe and he had a relative who was competing in the Atlanta Olympics so he desperately wanted tickets. So he gave them a call and the lady said, well, you got to have to call the Mexican Consulate in order to order your tickets. And he said, why is that? I'm in the United States. I'm in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The supervisor said, old Mexico, New Mexico it's still the same. You're going to have to call the Consulate.

<SNIP>

Mr. LOPEZ: Oh, yes. There's several common themes. People who have cell phones and visiting New Mexico and their service goes dead. The first response from the provider said we don't service Mexico. And I just had a person who went to the Post Office who's going to mail birthday present for a granddaughter. I believe it was in Las Cruses, New Mexico and it was an enormous amount of postage. And then she noticed the stamp on the package itself said foreign mail or something of the sort.

And the same thing with banks, you know. The lady who received a $50-birthday check from her parents, and she deposited it in local a credit union in Pennsylvania. And she got a notice from the bank, asking her if she wanted it in dollars or pesos.

More: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12512979

[MineralMan]

5. I have an idea. Let's deport the undocumented to New Mexico.

From there, they can just catch a bus back to where they were. It would, perhaps, rescue the Greyhound Bus Company.

Brilliant!

[Eliot Rosewater]

4. Saw that. So even though fuckface will put ICE on steroids, we cant put all the blame

on him for how fucked up ICE is, how many racist fucks work in ICE, etc.

I suspect there are a lot of so called white democrats all around us who arent being loud about it but kinda like this deporting stuff.

[MineralMan]

7. I've never met an ICE agent.

I do know that they're having lots of trouble getting people to apply for jobs with ICE. I'm not sure why that is, though. Crummy pay? Bad work locations?

[Eliot Rosewater]

14. pay looks like

ICE Special Agent Salary

The salary range for an ICE Special Agent is $40,000 – $68,000. There is an added Law Enforcement Availability Pay and ICE agents qualify for Federal benefits. Retirement is at age 50 or after 20 years of service.

http://criminaljusticeonlineblog.com/ice-special-agent-career/

This is a lot less than what a big city cop makes.

[Doreen]

6. This kind of falls in line with something I do.

When there is someone who is being rude to me and insists on talking to me I start talking German and act like I do not understand what they are saying and keep asking them if they speak German in German. Most people have no clue how to speak German so it is safe to use. I do not speak it anywhere close to fluently but enough to make someone think I only speak German if needed. I think doing that to ICE would be funny.

[MineralMan]

8. I often speak to telemarketers in Russian.

Nobody understands Russian. I tried French one time, but the telemarketer replied in French, too. So far, no telemarketer has ever understood anything in Russian.

Probably if you did that to ICE, they'd give you a free plane ticket to Washington, DC, thinking you were with the Trump administration.

[Doreen]

9. With Trump in though Russian may become the popular language for the

deplorables to learn.


No one will need to speak Spanish because they are going to get rid of them. Hell, they were waving flags so the language may be next.

Oh, please no do not send me to DC with the leaders of the deplorables.

[MineralMan]

11. The deplorables can't even speak English properly, so

I don't think many will learn Russian. I've actually been brushing up on my Russian lately, though. Who knows when it might come in handy. However, most Russians involved with the Trump administration are humorless and vindictive, so I'll have to be careful when using it.

[Doreen]

13. Good point.

[itcfish]

10. You forgot the most important phrase of all

Yo voté por Trump 4 veces!

[MineralMan]

12. Very good. A perfect line.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

15. I have been fucking with them for years in California

They sure didn't like it when I told them my name was Johannas Analingus. They also didn't like it when I told them I was a diplomat from the planet Ceres and I didn't recognize earth's geopolitical boundaries or their jurisdiction.

And they have never done a damn thing about it other than sneer at me. Why yes, I am white.

I have never fucked with immigration at airports, but just going about my business in California they're fair game.

[MineralMan]

16. Good for you, but remember: They have no sense of humor at all.

And they're armed.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

17. There isn't a damn thing they can do to me that won't bury them in paperwork

I will do anything I can do to make their lives a little more difficult and uncomfortable as they make a business of harassing and deporting people who work harder and contribute more than the tens of millions of American born useless eaters.

[MineralMan]

18. More power to you, Senator!