Suggested War on Christmas decorations

[jmowreader]

While it is true that many of us think about our ACTIONS while we're fighting the War on Christmas, doing things like saying "happy holidays," taking plain white reusable cups to Starbucks so you won't get a festively disposable one, wearing black lipstick and bat earrings instead of seasonally-appropriate garb, or replacing the little Jesuses in church nativity scenes with Buddha statues, we simply never spend enough time decorating our yards to achieve that proper Christmas-destroying spirit this time of year.

May I suggest:

1. Life-size replica of an antiaircraft gun.
2. Twenty-foot inflatable Iron Maiden Eddie dressed up as Ebenezer Scrooge.
3. Six-foot-high book entitled "Reindeer Recipes."
4. Santa's sleigh crashed into the side of your house.
5. Anything that resembles Melania Trump's idea of Christmas decorations.
6. Statue of the Burgermeister Meisterburger from the Rankin-Bass special "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town."
7. Fiberglass reindeer lying on their sides surrounded by fiberglass polar bears. Always a crowd pleaser.
7a. Live polar bears. Most effective for Alaskan DUers living along the coast, where they already have these.
8. Statue of Donald Trump in a Santa suit with little statues of children fleeing in fear.
9. Continuous loop of such wonderful holiday songs as Alice Cooper's "Welcome to My Nightmare," Kiss's "God of Thunder," Maiden's "Fear of the Dark," Ghost's "Monstrance Clock," Accept's "London Leatherboys" and Blue Öyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper."
10. Baphomet statue "borrowed" from the entryway of the local Satanic Temple. Preferably with their permission.
11. Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo statue.
12. Big sign reading "this neighborhood has been designated a no-fly zone from 9 pm December 24 to 6 am December 25."
13. A guillotine.
14. Any Halloween decorations you happen to have lying around your garage.
15. Statue of Frank Zappa.

[DBoon]

1. #15 is very appropriate

Given that Frank Zappa's birthday is December 21

[reymega life]

6. bah humbug

[notdarkyet]

2. I'm using my recycled plastic bags from the grocery store as wrapping paper. Brown paper bags are go

good too.

[debm55]

10. I still use brown wrapping paper and cord to wrap my gifts. Some years if I am really festive

I will use paint and Christmas sponge stampsto decorate the paper. Remember It's the spirit not the wrappings and glitter.

[jimfields33]

4. I love Christmas. I go all out, but not like my neighbor who has a winter wonderland next-door.

We even send Christmas cards. We definitely say merry Christmas and any kind of Christmas containers from restaurants are welcome. Christmas music in the car and at home during meals. Hell it’s only a month for goodness sake. Life is to serious and a little festivities never should be missed. I think it’s because my childhood was so awesome at Christmas. I just continue it.

[debm55]

7. jim, I agree. Life was very abusive for me, but Christmas was one day I loved it was peaceful. As an

adult I did decorate my home with a tree in every room. I gave them and the decorations to Goodwill. I have one tree with white lights and a wreath on the door. Very simple, but still Christmassy.I listen to the carols as I do my jewelry. Oh yes, and the candles in the windows. Yes, when my son was younger, we did have a winter wonderland inside and outside the house. But as he and my husband and myself got older we didn't need all that. We still have the spirit but not the storage and put up and take down problems. I will be decorating my house tomorrow.

[jimfields33]

9. That is wonderful. I'm glad you made it on the other side if you'd childhood.

People don’t realize what they do to long term psyche. Makes me so angry. So happy for you though. Enjoy!!!!

[debm55]

11. Thank you, Jim, it's been a long hard stuggle, one that I still am dealing with. But with the help

of my shrink and the love of my husband and son, have been able to overcome.

[jimfields33]

14. So happy for you.

[Marthe48]

5. My nice neighbors decorated a hedge and a tree

right across from my side door. From their angle, they probably thinks it looks pretty good. From my angle, it looks like a giant penis laid out along their yard. I laugh hysterically to myself every night. If there is a war on Christmas, they won.

[debm55]

8. I don't know anyone is having a war on Christmas. Christmas to me is a time to spend my energy on my

husband and disabled son. I don't know if this is serious or a joke. But I enjoy Christmas.
Are you going to using any of the displays you listed? It would be interesting to see your neighbors reactions.

[jmowreader]

12. This is humorous

Obviously there’s no war on Christmas. At least not from our side, although some of the shit the Hard Right pulls makes a guy kinda wish there was a time machine you could go into the day after Thanksgiving and…poof, it’s January 5.

But…since the Hard Right believes there’s a war on Christmas, let’s fuck with their pathetic minds. “Oh hell yeah, I got a copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas that’s edited to show him really shoving the sled off Mount Crumpet!”

If you ask tomorrow I can post my War on Christmas Poem “Why the Grinch Stole Christmas.” In it, the Grinch is a retail worker so mad at how The Whos turned Christmas into a greed fest that he stole all their Christmas stuff, called artillery in on it, and then got really pissed when the Whos decided that was a good excuse to go shopping again. (As I told my boss when I showed it to him, this is the first Christmas poem with obscenities, drug references and a fire mission…and, hopefully, also the last.)

[debm55]

13. I know we don't have a war on Christmas. It's an illlusion put out by Fox and friends and MAGA.

PS, I put my tree out late because because I also celebrate the Orthodox Christmas which is January 7. Most have there's down by then.