"My Beef with the “I Love Boobies” Bracelets (in 2013)"

[Sheldon Cooper]

http://roman-numerals.tumblr.com/post/43090564131/happy-val-galentines-day-to-u-erin-my-beef

My mother has been cancer-free six years and she often attends events and volunteers to help breast cancer patients and/or fellow survivors. A couple years ago, she went to a seminar about the detriment that comes from keeping secrets about disease or medical issues. (For example, a woman talked about how she was treated all summer for breast cancer and when she went to a wedding of a family member in the fall, she found out none of her relatives knew—her mother thought it was inappropriate to burden the family. The woman said she felt alone and abandoned even when surrounded by the people who should have been there for her.)

Two other women, also breast cancer survivors, said their husbands left them after they were diagnosed. Both had to have mastectomies (in case anyone doesn’t know, this is the surgical operation to remove one or both breasts).

The first woman said her husband told her that he would rather see her dead than see her lose her breasts. The second woman had her operation and waited all day to be picked up by her husband, who never arrived. By nightfall, one of the nurses offered to give her a ride, and she came home to find the house empty.

Obviously, these are extreme cases of a man’s reaction to his wife’s breast cancer, but this is what I see when I see the “I ♥ Boobies” bracelets. I see love of the body parts, not the person being treated—not the patient, not the victim, not the survivor. Breast cancer is the leading cancer in women; prostrate cancer is the leading cancer in men (source). If we were supporting an end to prostrate cancer, would anyone wear “I ♥ the Part of the Body that Stores Seminal Fluid” bracelets? What about “I ♥ the Dermis” or “I ♥ Balls”?

This is a good article, and even more so because I think the author must be only 18 or 19. The anecdotes about the husbands are horrifying, but I have to think those are pretty rare exammples. People react differently to cancer, but I think most men would be generally supportive to the best of their abilities. And to answer her question, I think it's just a matter of time until we see 'I Heart Balls' bracelets.

[seabeyond]

1. save the boobs. i had always donated to br cancer. i saw this ad, the i love boobies bracelet and

i stopped a couple years ago. all the calls i would get, i told them sexualizing br cancer to get money is the most offensive thing for me. do you really think these young boys going around yelling ... i love boobies... in school hall rooms has any consideration for a disease that kills.

this ad was the clincher for me.

[seabeyond]

2. and the money is not even going to br cancer or victims of. nt

[redqueen]

3. Excellent. I love this part at the end...

These bracelets, however, do not liberate women nor catalyze their self-affirmation—rather, they keep them in the emotional and very public prison into which every one of them is born, the prison of believing your body must look a certain way in order for you to be lovable.

“I ♥ Boobies” isn’t about the end to breast cancer, it’s about society’s obsession with and weirdly possessive attitude toward breasts, as well as its antipathy toward mastectomies (or any treatments that will physically alter the breast at all—lumpectomies and radiation fall under this category). This is in spite of the fact that preventive surgeries are an often-considered and totally acceptable option for women who are at high risk for a breast cancer diagnosis. I’d be more supportive of this movement if it was less about the body part and more about the eradication of the severe physical and emotional pain and suffering that comes with diagnosis and treatment, which is infinitely worse than the loss of some flesh and perhaps some sex appeal.

[seabeyond]

5. then why do they need a tshirt that says " i love boobies" in order to be caring young men? nt

[seabeyond]

7. yes. you said that getting an i love boobies tshirt drew the young men in. otherwise they did not

participate.

that is what you said.

pink month and br cancer awareness had been going on for a while. now that guys can wear "i love boobies" they are all that in caring. otherwise, they were absent.

it is like the mens org that put together an ad for male breast cancer was have a bunch of young women jump on trampoleens topless for 5 minutes, more or less. and about 5 secs of discussion for male breast cancer. all the rest was talking about womens boobs.

that was a male breast cancer ad.

because men would not be interested in their health, without womens boobs....

[seabeyond]

9. your differing voice was "allowed". i challenged that. am i not allowed? it seems to me you are

doing the very thing you accuse me of doing. i did not say you could not disagree with the OP. i argued your differing view of the OP based on what you said. you seem to feel i am not allowed to argue your post.

who is really saying disagreements are not allowed?

[seabeyond]

11. what ever. lol. nt

[Sheldon Cooper]

12. I alerted on that message, seabeyond.

Now that it's been deleted, I don't know if a jury will still rule on it. But it was way out of proportion to what you actually said.

[seabeyond]

13. true that. and thanks. but, it really does not bother me. i think my posts stand.

i do not feel i was the one over the top, or out of line.

thanks.

[ismnotwasm]

14. One of the things I do at work

Is take care of post mastectomy reconstruction. This is called a DIEP type reconstruction. ( deep inferior epigastric perforater)this is a surgery that takes fat and tiny vasculture from the abdomen and moves it to form a breast. The nipple is tattooed in later. It's a complicated surgury, but is better than the old TRAM flaps which took too much muscle from the abdomen. The surgeons are damn near artists and do very good work. Still, it's a painful surgery, and the flap occasionally fails. I won't horrify you with what leech therapy is for.


Now to my actual point. I'm a med/surg nurse, I specialize mostly in transplant, vascular and plastics. (Not vanity plastic surgery) what I am NOT is an oncology nurse. I recognized some time ago, that while we were reassuring these women that there new breasts looked great, that gee look, they got a tummy tuck in the deal too what I was actually dealing with, were cancer survivers. Which in and of itself is trauma.

So I changed my dialogue, I started talking to them about the WHOLE experience, from diagnosis to the decision to reconstruct, why they chose this surgery instead of an implant. In other words, I quit treating them as though their new breasts were the whole journey instead of the end of it.

I never see pink, I love 'boobies' any of that crap. (in fact I hear 'I HATE pink' more often than you'd think) I see survivors. The husbands are general very supportive, very loving and protective, but there is the occasional shithead, just as their is the occasional patient who is less than my favorite. I dislike the whole 'I love boobies' for the same reason the author states; reducing women to the sum of their breasts.

Now there are women- even reconstructed cancer survivors who embrace that kind of thing. It's certainly not my place or intent to judge them. But part of whole breast cancer pink awareness campaign while very successful, ends up emphasizing breasts, not the women.

And that's something we all need to stay away from.

[seabeyond]

15. thank you so much for this post.

So I changed my dialogue, I started talking to them about the WHOLE experience, from diagnosis to the decision to reconstruct, why they chose this surgery instead of an implant. In other words, I quit treating them as though their new breasts were the whole journey instead of the end of it.

i love how it hit you to address in a different manner. i can see the importance of addressing the way you are now.

things like this, using objectification of women in a disease that kills really bothers me.

it is along with calling all of ourselves sluts to address rape apologists.

[Sheldon Cooper]

16. I like how you changed your approach with the patients.

I think if I were ever diagnosed, I'd be far more concerned about my overall prognosis, and not just my breasts. And I'd be offended if a doctor or nurse were only concerned with reassuring me that my boobs or my belly still looked good.

[ismnotwasm]

17. Sometimes these women are about a year

Post treatment. They have to wear expanders if the tissue was irradiated. And I think some of them are offended, in fact I think some of them are screaming inside. But they are polite, usually. They often will not bring up the cancer first, so I'm careful, but I was amazed at how many want to talk about it, to tell their story. And every story is different

[Still Blue in PDX]

18. I was shunned at work because I didn't like the Komen "save the tatas" thing a few years back.

My department is very much into making the Race for the Cure into a big social event; do the RFTC and then go out to brunch afterward.

Me? Not so much into public demonstrations of my charitable contributions and fundraising. And definitely not into pink.

[seabeyond]

19. good for you. and sorry, too. i agree.

and komen really fucked women, also.

[redqueen]

20. This deserves a kick.

[ismnotwasm]

21. Kick again

Since its topical right now...

[smirkymonkey]

22. This makes me so angry.

I read a lot on here, but I rarely comment because I get so angry I am afraid I will say something that will get me banned forever.

God, I am so depressed.

[redqueen]

23. Aw smirky

I feel the need to try to lift your spirits

with either amusing or cute pics











or a cute video

or amusing gifsets

http://depprr.tumblr.com/post/50836112422/only-watching-for-the-eyesex

http://gamzeemakarena.tumblr.com/post/51267824279



or maybe something inspiring

http://gamzeemakarena.tumblr.com/post/51267669430


or someone getting a nice burn on an anti-feminist

http://gilli-chan.tumblr.com/post/51651740334/giemma-kajiraraven-mr-cappadocia-im


or maye you like games

http://moonangel19.tumblr.com/post/51677975941/gilli-chan-asksubjuggulatortz

http://dradobo-chan.tumblr.com/post/51603663127/gnattynat-shirubaistudios




I hope something there made you feel better...

[smirkymonkey]

24. Thanks! I love the photos of the pups!

So cute! Cheered me up after all this depressing news.