Reply #18: I don't see this a sexual behavior. [View All]

[jdj]

I see it as a repetition compulsion where in sexuality got linked with violation for these men ( and more women than people want to acknowlege) at some point in early childhood, possibly before the formation of memory, and the only way the men have to free themselves of the horror fear and shame is to act out the scenario over and over again but by playing the role of the aggressor. Otherwise they are stalled in the paradigm of the raped and brutalized child, a literal hell on earth, with only two options in their mind of how to be.

But I'm not sure that many if any can access the place where they have memories of violation, especially with our homophobic culture that hates gay men and puts men who've been violated in a somehow feminine category or something (bad articulation, I know, but it's a hard concept to talk about). So men who talk about having been raped lose their manhood somehow and are looked at much less than. It's like men suffer any sexual violation from another man twice, one is temporary, the other is a permanent stigma of being somehow less than a man. It's weird.