Reply #29: Trust me, I got over the "hot" bitches in high school [View All]

[SweetZombieJesus]

Now I date women who, in a better world, would have been perfectly sane individuals, if not for the presence of men in high school who were basically self esteem vampires, leaving empty shells of women who expect me to fill them back to their original self-confident state, so they can leave me for another vampire, etc etc ad infinitum.

I am not a shallow person lookswise. Intelligence wise, maybe, but I have turned down women who, according to the general male consensus, were "hot" because I couldn't carry on a decent conversation with them. But then I end up dating a girl who, while she might not be conventionally "hot", is attractive, and my type. It just turns out my type is "emotionally scarred passive aggressive flake who will rip your heart out and cut it into thin strips for papier mache".

I'm just really sick of being every woman's scapegoat for all the men who came before me and treated her like shit. It's one of the reasons I really empathize with Satan.

As for Rachel: Yeah, she's said that she doesn't see me like that, but I tell her I love her anyway, because I do, and she says it back, even though I know she doesn't. It's a fucked up little game we play, but I have no compunctions about it. Five years ago, I would have been pining away for her, trying to construct some grand monologue in my head to win her heart. Now I'm just content to tell her I love her, snuggle with her on my couch from time to time, and go no further. She knows if she ever decided she wanted to be more than friends, I'd be more than happy with that, but I'm content with where we are now too.