Reply #7: Seek first to understand. [View All]

[phiddle]

You can't (nor in my opinion, should you) try to directly control your daughter's choice of friends. I've faced the same collision of views with my extended family, and my kids (especially my son, 16). I've tried many approaches to reforming their points of view, most of which DON'T work: passionate argument, sarcastic asides, earnest entreaties, providing facts and articles to read.
The one and only thing which has had some success for me is to ply my son and his friends with a lot of earnest QUESTIONS. For instance:
Do you think that we should be spending your money, via the deficit, before you guys are even in the workforce?
Do you think that the economic gain we'll realize from reducing environmental restrictions is greater than the cost of increased health problems and climate change down the road?
Do you think that, Saddam Hussein, even though he had no missiles capable of more than 150 miles in range and we can't find any weapons, was an imminent threat to us?
Do you think that the president should just be able to send American kids to die when and where he wants to, or should the president really have to meet some standards for starting a war?

In my observation, teenagers are struggling to make sense of their social and political world. In this condition, simplistic verities (America right or wrong, lower taxes, etc.) have enormous appeal. But when you get them talking, and keep it going through questions, it's amazing what uncertainty and anxiety come out. If you can keep the dialogue going, they'll eventually see that things aren't quite so black-and-white and they become more susceptible to other points of view. And with this strategy, they at a minimum appreciate being listened to, and tend to develop a bit more respect for the old fart who pays their bills! Good luck.