Reply #4: you have written a lovely story. You have some pronoun [View All]

[JimmyJazz]

placement problems that need to be corrected, but otherwise your story is interesting. The pronoun must replace the noun immediately before it. For example, you talk about the "eyes" and later say "they were melancholy..." - However, you have other nouns in between.

Also, "it" is a pronoun, so your first sentence "It was ten that night..." also needs to be corrected. Using "it" in every day speech is fine, but not for a written essay.

I hope you were serious in your request for suggestions. Again, I love the passion of the story. You just have a few grammatical errors to correct. I'm sure others can give you even better suggestions.

Good luck, sweetie.