Reply #9: I'll recycle an old one.... [View All]

[punpirate]

There's a line people standing in front of the pearly gates, and each in turn has to be interviewed by St. Peter to determine their worthiness to enter.

A big, swarthy man approaches the counter, blood still dripping from his head. He relates his story: "Peter, I've been a very jealous man. Today, I even left work early to sneak home and try to catch my wife in bed with another man. I found her in bed, in her negligee. I tore the apartment into shreds trying to find the man. Then I noticed fingers on the edge of the balcony, and there was man hanging by his fingers, so I began stomping on his fingers.

"He begged and pleaded, swore that he'd done nothing, screamed for help, for me to stop, but I didn't believe him and pried his fingers off the ledge as my wife was yelling, 'leave him alone, he didn't do anything, I don't know him!' He finally fell, but it didn't kill him. I was so enraged that I dragged the refrigerator out onto the balcony and pushed it over the railing and it fell on top of him. I think that killed him. Suddenly, I was so overcome with remorse, I got my gun and shot myself."

"Well," says Peter, "that's an interesting story. Please sit over there. We're going to have to think about this."

The next man shuffles up, still dressed in his bathrobe. "Peter, I still don't know exactly what happened. I went out to water the plants, and a bee startled me and I lost my balance and fell over the railing. I thought, 'oh, god, help me!' And he did! Just as I was about to fall, I managed to grab the ledge of the balcony below.

"I said, 'thank you, lord. Please give me the strength to hang on.' And then this crazy man started kicking and stepping on my fingers, and I was pleading with him and praying to god to give me strength, and then I just couldn't hold on any longer and let go. As I fell, I said, 'god, please help me!' And he did! I hit the branches of a tree below and it broke my fall. I was about to thank god for my good fortune when I saw the refrigerator coming at me."

"Hmmm. I'm beginning to get the picture. Please sit down over there. Next!"

A seedy little guy in his underwear walks up, Boston Blackie moustache and toothpick in his teeth, leans on the counter and says, "Hiya, Pete. Now, just imagine yourself hidin' in a refrigerator, see...."