Dear Noisy Fuckers: [View All]

[Shadowen]

(This is a copy of a letter I will be putting in my upstairs neighbours' mailbox.)

Cut it out. You have a tendency to make loud obnoxious sex when I'm trying to sleep. I'm not saying don't fuck, but please, think of your neighbours. Especially me.

Some potential solutions:

1) Stop fucking. Not really an option, I assume.

2) Fuck somewhere else. I was coming back from buying groceries the other day and heard a couple in the backseat of their car as I crossed the street.

3) Gag play. The rubber ones; unless you put the cloth gag inside the mouth it doesn't really do anything to muffle sound.

4) Change the time of your loud obnoxious sex. I don't really mind it except when I'm trying to sleep and have work in the morning; I've noticed you tend to do it in the wee hours of the morn. This is a problem. If you were to take a tumble when the night was still relatively young, it wouldn't be so bad.

5) Invite me to join you. Maybe I wouldn't be so crabby about it if I were getting some myself. And you know what they say: two heads are better than one.

Thank you.


Sincerely,
The guy whose apartment is directly beneath your bed