Reply #21: Been there [View All]

[Coyote_Bandit]

Done that. More than once. In most cases I was repaid. In every case the nature of the relationship was forever changed. I will never do it again. Though I admit I have concocted ways to anonymously give money to friends who had financial needs (and had not asked for loans).

My experience is that if someone approaches me and asks for a loan then they see me as a resource rather than an equal. That is not a good dynamic to maintain a healthy friendship.

You can be polite and vague in denying the request. It isn't likely that your "friend" will push for further answers. If so, then you know that he believes you are obligated to loan the money. Not good.

And don't feel guilty. Do not blame yourself for things you cannot control. It was your "friend" who changed the dynamic of the relationship and made financial obligations one of its components.