Reply #34: I lost control recently at a family member's house overseas. [View All]

[peruban]

I'm an alcoholic and I thought I had my issues under control but found that went I went and visited my deceased father's family overseas that I couldn't control myself when presented with an open liquor bar. My aunt, her husband, and grandmother whom I was staying with had a liquor bar and I would go down in the middle of the night and down a quarter to half a bottle of vodka or whiskey a night along with some valium and diphenhydramine to try to get to sleep. I just lost control and wasn't able to stop my drinking until I had downed a few bottles there and ones that I had bought while I was there. I couldn't stay the whole visit and was sent home early since I was going to ruin their christmas and instead of showing them a success story of their only emigrated family member I simply amplified for them his faults and why he left. I don't blame my father for passing on his negative tendencies but I do blame myself for not heeding his advice on avoiding them.

I just wish I could have enjoyed this christmas without the feeling of guilt and shame I get from my chronic issues and the embarrassment I caused myself while visiting my aunt, uncles, and cousins.