Reply #47: I think I haven't made myself clear. [View All]

[femmedem]

My partner grew up in a highly homophobic family, in a small town where few people were openly gay. In his youth, he felt comfortable making fun of gays. Now, in his '50's, probably a third of his close friends are gay (we live in a gay-friendly city), he supports full marriage equality, and someone's sexual orientation is no longer an issue for him. But he didn't evolve because people lashed out at him for his prejudice. He evolved because he came to realize that many of his co-workers and neighbors were gay, and that he liked them. Also, in college he made a homophobic joke and someone he respected--a teacher--kindly and privately told him he was gay, and that jokes like that were hurtful.

Sure, I think homophobia and racism (a reference to your earlier post) are hateful. I don't think they should be ignored or shrugged off. It's important to support anti-discriminatory legislation and to publicly support civil rights. But in one-on-one conversation with homophobes and other bigots, if you want to sway them, you're better off speaking in a way which allows them to listen. You can't simultaneously teach and belittle, at least not effectively.