Reply #9: Parent/child analogy. [View All]

[Igel]

Parents do what's good for their kids. But they also do things they wouldn't otherwise when the kid asks. Not allowing purely bad things, by and large, but just things they wouldn't choose. I suspect my parents, however, also let me do things that were unlikely to turn out good for me, however, just so I'd know.

My parents got me a bike, neither good nor bad, because I asked for it. A lot. If I had asked for a tuna sandwich, I wouldn't have asked as hard for the result. I also didn't get the bike I wanted. Later, I skinned my knee riding the bike, but it wasn't the bike's or my parents' fault. And friend's brother wanted to go to summer camp; the answer was no, he had to stay and help out with yardwork, they were putting in new sidewalks that summer. His brothers also chimed in, and said they didn't mind. The kid went to summer camp because of the show of solidarity. (Granted, it wasn't altruism, but because the middle kid's brothers just wanted him gone, but the parents didn't know this.)

I suspect that sometimes the "theological" reason for "having" to ask is reliance. I'm not sure never having to show reliance on another person, or gratitude to another, is a good thing. When teenagers get jobs and control over their own money supply (and, therefore, become less reliant), I think their parents' moral authority (if there's any perceived by the kid) weakens severely. This, long before the kid's internal inhibition centers kick in.

I also strongly suspect that the business about 'asking, and receiving not" because we want things for the wrong reason may frequently apply.